


With Lions

by Wolfstar888



Series: With Lions [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 15:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 36
Words: 76,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1271197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfstar888/pseuds/Wolfstar888
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard is probably the most immature person Liara T'Soni has ever met. He jokes at inappropriate times, and doesn't take anything seriously. Luckily for Shepard, his past hasn't caught up with him yet and his lighthearted personality can cover almost anything up...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doctor T'Soni

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I have been reading some extraordinary works these past months, and have been inspired to try my hand at a Shepard story. A big thank you goes out to the ME fanfic writing community for getting me started! 
> 
> I intend to have a unique Shepard that follows the Mass Effect story lines. Nothing too AU will happen. Hopefully it will span all three games, maybe after.
> 
> I will never change the rating past T, because I want my story to be acceptable to all viewers and I think that sometimes the rating is higher to make up for the lack of a compelling story. Just a heads up, my T rating is lots of swearing, and jokes that flirt between the T and M ratings. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I reserve no rights to the Mass Effect franchise. I will receive no compensation for this story and have posted it on this site for entertaiment purposes only.

Doctor Liara T'Soni, he decided, was not a threat. She was way too naïve to plan anything sinister. The poor thing could hardly look him in the eyes, no way was she in league with a crazy (rather bitchy) asari matriarch. His conclusion became concrete when Ashley Williams implied that Liara was in cahoots with Benezia, and all the asari could do was stutter and look angry. Wrex, the strangely insightful Krogan, also contributed to Shepard's judgment by using her social awkwardness as a joke. He joked, "I thought asari were supposed to be the social butterflies of the galaxy." Making everyone laugh, and turning Liara bluer. It was definitely the asari version of blushing, and it was definitely sincere. Evil people didn't blush so intensely at nothing, and look so convincing while doing so.

After dismissing everyone from their meeting in the conference room, Shepard decided to go talk to Liara more. She probably had no idea where to go or sleep... Plus it wouldn't hurt to be friends with a cute asari. When he reached the crew deck, however; he found that she had indeed wasted no time in finding a suitable place to sleep just past the med bay. After entering and nodding to Doctor Chakwas, he started to wonder why Liara had picked such an out of the way place. Then he remembered the hostility she had experienced, and mentally noted to shut that down before Liara entered Level 90 of Hermitness. Was hermitness even a word? A few moments later, he came to the conclusion that it most certainly wasn't, but it sure as hell should've been.

He knocked on her door, and waited for the call to come in. He took those few moments of silence to look around his ship arrogantly. Commanding officer was a position he could easily love.

He entered the asari's lair and was immediately impressed by what he saw. Liara had already set up her living quarters in what was probably a record-setting time. It was certainly impressive considering Shepard took ages to set up his living space, and he didn't own nearly half the crap Liara did. She had monitors already set up, and a cot in the corner with a full bed set.

"I trust that the Normandy will suit your needs, Doctor," Shepard started, still eyeing that comfortable looking bed.

"Oh yes!" she exclaimed forcing Shepard to look away from that positively luxurious bed, "The Normandy is one of the most advanced ships I've ever seen, and should be able to fill my needs as resident archaeologist." Liara kept talking about the Normandy and its features, but Shepard couldn't stop thinking about her bed sheets. How could a new member of his team get such nice stuff; he didn't even have that nice a stuff as Commanding Officer. He should probably ask the requisitions officer for new sheets. After all, how could he fight a crazed Turian with crappy stuff? It just wa-, "Commander? Are you okay?...Oh goddess, I'll get -."

"That won't be necessary. I'm sorry, I-ah-kinda zoned out. I was just admiring your bed." Shepard would have continued, but Liara started turning a curious shade of blue and he realized that what he had just said probably sounded like some awful innuendo, "I mean that I don't even get that myself, so I was just wondering where you got it?" Colt impressed even himself with that save.

They continued to talk about meaningless and trivial things, but Shepard enjoyed the small talk. Useless words were an everyday fact of life seeing that he dealt with Udina, and similar politicians, almost every day. Considering his circumstances, he had trained himself to enjoy shallow conversations. But it felt different with Doctor T'Soni. It felt like it was going somewhere.


	2. Liquid Courage

"Colt, how do you know that they have the best here?" Alex asked.

"You're gonna love it, and that's a fact. Don't worry." 

"GET DOWN!" 

Shepard woke with a start. Sleeping after such horrid nightmares didn't look like a viable option. The nightmares must've been triggered by the Prothean beacon, and subsequent warning burned into his brain. Alex, and every object or thing his brother had ever loved, was the main attraction in each nightmare.

Colt dressed quickly, and headed out to the kitchen hoping to find some liquor to ease his mind after such vivid dreams. After a long, and surprisingly, physical search for his prize, he found what appeared to be some sort of asari wine. Without a second thought, he sat at a Mess table and started to unwind. He would never dream of doing such a thing if he were about to go on a mission, but they had just started shore leave. So why the hell not?

He hoped that drinking would accomplish two things: forgetting his awful nightmares, and the way Liara's eyes seemed to burn straight into his soul. They seemed to be able to go through the mountains of BS he so carefully laid down. With any luck, she'd just see Commander Shepard and not Colt.

Earlier he had seen a picture of Matriarch Benezia, and had been struck by the resemblance between Doctor T'Soni and her mother. Shepard hoped that he would not have to kill Benezia; it would almost be like killing an older Liara. He took a long sip; he wasn't supposed to be thinking like this on shore leave.

Shepard had occasionally nursed the thought of avoiding the Doctor so he wouldn't feel so bad about the inevitable confrontation between Benezia and himself, but he quickly threw that idea out the airlock. Avoiding Liara would be about as impossible as convincing Pressley that aliens were alright. She was too interesting to be ignored, and too valuable an asset to be neglected. He would have to remember to ask her about her mother, knowing her take on the situation could potentially save Benezia.

"Getting drunk already, Commander?" Liara's gentle voice called out. The surprise almost made him tip his chair backwards.

"Jesus Christ, Doctor! I almost died right there. How humiliating would that be?" Shepard changed his voice to match that of a stereotypical news anchor, "The only hope for the galaxy dies today after getting the shit scared out of him when a friendly asari interrupted his drinking."

"I am sorry, Commander," Liara was clearly not sorry as she was trying to hide a fit of giggles behind her hand. Colt quickly took another swig of this increasingly delicious wine.

"Do you wanna join me?" He asked, gesturing towards the table where he sat. The earlier conversation was already flying out of his mind. She nodded, and sat the on the opposite side of the table. Awkward silence fell over them like a dreadful smog until Shepard cleared his throat and asked, "If we meet Benezia in battle, can I trust that you will help me… subdue her?" Shepard hated asking that but it was important to know. He was sober enough to realize the importance of this question.

"Of course! Benezia is obviously not the same person she was, and we need to make sure she doesn't do anything that could hurt her reputation any more," Liara stated, making it clear she didn't expect to kill her mother. Shepard didn't say anything more on the matter. He could probably talk Benezia out of what she was doing. Probably.

"You know, Doct-," Shepard grasped his head when a headache tore through his mind. Colt doubled over in pain, watched flashes of aliens being torn to bits, his brother being taken by Batarians, and his own blood pouring from a wound in his stomach.

White hot pain surged through every vein in his body, burning and tearing through its path. His head was main target in the attack. He was vaguely aware of Liara's surprise. She said a few things, and then started to stand. The massive wave crashed through everything, and then receded to nothing more than a hum in the back of his mind. Shepard straightened up. The staggering amount of pain left as quickly as it had come. "Are- are y-ou ok?" she managed to stammer out.

"The damn Prothean beacon is giving me the worst migraines I've ever had... But they're just headaches, nothing to get too excited over," he flashed her his crooked smile. Liara, not entirely convinced he noted, kept eyeing him like he would explode into tiny pieces of confetti.

"Commander, you know that I could meld my mind with yours right? I could help you with these...headaches," the asari scientist pleaded. True concern leached into her tone.

"No thanks, I'll be fine. It's just a phase I'll go through until my mind can sort out the beacon. So tell me,Doctor T'Soni, have you ever been in any fight? Ones with guns, and blood?" Shepard leaned forward.

Liara answered, "One actually, it was at a dig on some remote planet that Serrice University had sponsored. It was just me and five others, mostly asari and one salarian. I guess the Batarians thought we were going to be easy to capture," Shepard's shoulders tensed, "and they would have been right if I had not been trained so well with biotics. My instincts knew before I did, and I threw a warp before I was entirely awake. Luckily I had decided not to sleep in my tent or else, Goddess forbid, the warp would have rebounded to me. After that first warp it was just a matter of getting the stragglers." Shepard noticed,even through his alcohol induced haze, how much this seemed to bother Liara. He imagined that was probably the first time she told anyone about the incident. That was also probably the first time she had killed someone. A sickening, and yet totally unforgettable experience for anyone.

...

Commander Shepard took another sip of what appeared to be asari wine, and offered Liara a clear view of what appeared to be a massive scar on his right arm's bicep. She could see that his skin was several shades darker there, and it almost looked like someone had carved writing directly onto his skin. She leaned a little closer hoping to see if it was just a scar or writing. Shepard noticed her looking at his arm a quickly brought his hand back down, effectively covering the mark. The two stared at each other for a few long seconds. Shepard's eyes flashed dangerously. His eyes were usually a calm, piercing green, but they had turned to storm clouds. Feeling brave, she asked, "Commander, what happened to your arm?"

He tensed his jaw, and she could see something in his eyes she hadn't seen before. "Doctor T'Soni," he started, voice tight, "Let's just say some people are more forgiving than others when you mess up." His statement, of course, only piqued her interest. But prying would've been a treacherous decision. Shepard wasn't someone she wanted to be on the bad side of. "Well Doctor, I think it's past my bedtime-."

"Liara, please call me Liara, Commander," she turned her head downwards, and hoped Shepard couldn't see the blush spreading across her features.

"If I get to call you Liara, it's only fair that you call me Shepard," he said. The Commander stood up, and started putting back the wine. Liara noticed how he moved with an efficiency she had only seen other soldiers use. Even when he was precariously perched on one of the counters trying to get the wine back in its place, he still had a sort of grace to him. It was odd she decided, for Shepard was more than six feet but he moved like a ballerina.

...

Colt had made an utter fool of himself before Liara. If he didn't look like an asshole when she asked him about his arm, then it definitely came out while trying to put the bottle back. Retreating to his cabin, and facing the horrors of his dreams was favorable to staying with the Doctor.

Once he fell asleep, he dreamt of another reminder of his lost family member. He dreamt of his brother's favorite animal, horses.

In the morning, the hangover felt like the aftermath of Ryncol, not asari wine.


	3. Visions

Death, and dying seemed to be the theme of Shepard's recent dreams. If it wasn't Protheans screeching and dying in horrific ways, then it was Benezia getting killed by his own hand or something related to Alex. The nightmares were very rarely involved the actual people. Usually they were something that the individual or people loved, or something that reminded Colt of them. It was somehow worse dreaming about things that were almost people or memories.

The Benezia problem sat heavy in his mind since her fate was still in the future. No matter how hard he tried to reason with himself that the matriarch could be talked out of her… tendency to hate most living creatures, there was still a doubtful voice in the back of his mind saying it would be impossible not to end her existence. He hated that voice even more after his talk with Liara.

Then there was the Protheans being massacred by some unknown threat. This troubled him even more than Benezia. If a powerful race such as the Protheans could be wiped out by something, why couldn't human beings be wiped out? Or the asari? The list went on and on with potential limitless prey for this evil. Eliminating Saren would hopefully shine some light on the Prothean's death.

Another headache tore through Shepard's mind just thinking about the Protheans. These headaches would be the death of him. For just recently he had traveled to his bathroom, and had been treated to the sight of a man who should have probably been sent to the funny farm. His eyes were locked in a thousand-yard stare, his hair (he sported a shaved head, so hair was a shocker) was tousled and unkempt, but by far the worst part was the bags under his eyes. To say that it looked like a champion fighter had given him two black eyes was an understatement. Something had to be done about his condition or else Wrex would be leading the fight against Saren. Imagining Wrex wearing a much too small Alliance uniform and a cap atop his… back/head thing brought a smile to his face. Colt could only hope that none of his crew had noticed his terrible state.

...

"Did you see the Commander when he came out of his Commander cave?" Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams asked Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko.

"It looked like Wrex had mistaken him for a seat," he said quietly, not wanting the rest of the crew to notice how their fearless leader looked like shit.

"I think he's been hitting the happy juice too hard," Ashley Williams told him, looking thoughtfully at the kitchen.

"Happy juice, Williams?" Kaiden asked, truly confused. It was way too early to be up.

She sighed, and said, "You know liquid courage, giggle juice, moonshine." Seeing that Kaiden wasn't getting anything out of her informative list she said, "Alcohol!"

Finally understanding, Kaiden nodded in agreement, "Could be, although Shepard lives, breathes, and shits the Alliance. It would be stupid of him to drink heavily on the job. Hackett would have him stripped of his command if he ever found out."

"True, so than maybe that's not it then… I know! He's p-," Ashley quickly stopped when Kaiden started motioning over Doctor Liara T'Soni. The doctor slinked over to them and sat next to Kaiden. He wondered if she was suffocating or something because she had turned a darker shade of blue in just a few seconds.

...

One minute Liara had been trying to get some food, and the next she had been waved over by Kaiden Alenko. She found herself next to the enthusiastic lieutenant and across from Ashley, who appeared to be deciding on whether she should fight or fly. Awkward silence stretched out over them, caused by Ashley's unflinching glare. Kaiden cleared his throat and took a swing at the silence, "Sooo, nice weather we're having."

Williams, almost succeeding at breaking her glare, reminded Alenko that they lived on a spacecraft and the only weather was a balmy 72 degrees with the only atmospheric change occurring if they were blown to pieces. So there they sat, in an almost unbearable silence, until Shepard stumbled out of his cabin.

Liara had found that one of the most intriguing things about Shepard was his ability to make everyone comfortable with each other, and so happy you could almost see the rainbows pouring out of their features. His appearance had even made Ashley come dangerously close to happiness. The whole mess hall seemingly turned their eyes upon Shepard, who had succeeded at finding the coffee pot and after a rather impressive amount of expletives had gotten himself breakfast too. All the tension melted away from Liara's table when Shepard sat down at it. She was even going to ask him about how he slept until she actually saw his face.

The commander's eyes were sunken with dark rings surrounding them; his hair, which was already odd since he usually had a shaved head, was a violent mess and his overall appearance matched that of a wild varren. Ashley and Kaiden also took in his looks and remained silent as Shepard ate. Liara decided then and there that she would convince Shepard to let her help him. It was obvious that the Prothean beacon was doing serious damage to his mind. Without help he would become useless to the Alliance, which she imagined was his worst fear.

"Shepard, may I speak to you alone?" Liara said, hoping her anxiety didn't seep into her words.

Looking up from his meal, Shepard replied, "Of course, let's go." He moved to put his plate away and gestured Liara to follow him to his cabin.

Liara looked around her commander's cabin, surprised by what she saw. There were posters of Alliance ships (no surprise), maps of planets and what she could only assume were locations on Earth, and most notably posters of animals. They included the anatomy of some animals she recognized, but most she did not. Perhaps Shepard was interested in biology, since the posters depicted different biological systems. This was a bit of a shocker considering Shepard never mentioned his love of animals. In fact, he had never really said anything about himself.

"So what seems to be the problem, Liara?" Shepard's voice pulled her out of her thoughts. The Commander was perched on the end of his bed. He studied her intently; his scrutiny making her tense.

"Shepard, it's clear to me and most of the crew that something is wrong. My guess is that the Prothean beacon is doing this to you," she said, "Please let me help you; I can meld my mind with yours and get to the bottom of what's happening." She half expected Shepard to send her out the door but he only studied her for awhile longer, looked down at his feet, and nodded.

Being only one hundred and nine, she had never melded with anyone before. Liara gathered her courage, and approached him. Touching was unnecessary to melding, but she felt the need for physical contact. She touched her forehead to his, whispered Embrace Eternity, and was briskly transported into the mind of Commander Shepard. 

...

"They have the best here, right?" Liara heard what sounded to be a young, male human's voice. The picture of him was fuzzy, but then focused in. He looked like a ten-year-old version of Commander Shepard but she quickly realized that her Shepard, a much younger version, was walking next to the boy. The two were walking down a crowded street with mostly humans bustling around them.

"Why would we come here if they didn't? This zoo is galaxy-famous...I even hear they have your favorite," her Shepard said, grinning down at the tiny Shepard.

"Horses, no way!" the tiny Shepard's eyes were full of excitement. Whatever horses were, they must have been a great source of entertainment for the young child. Then the world shifted. 

Bodies were piled around two people hunkered down behind a long gone hover car. One was the tiny Shepard, and one was the Shepard. The Shepard was firing at an unknown enemy while the other one was crouched low, trying to cover his ears from the screaming that had started. Smoke billowed from burning buildings making it even harder to see the pair. Unbeknownst to the larger Shepard, a Batarian had snuck up around the side of the car, and was heading for the tiny Shepard. Liara tried to call to the large Shepard, but her voice would not work and she could only watch in horror as the smaller Shepard was picked up by the Batarian. Watching, she sighed in relief as the Commander noticed, and had started to run after the Batarian. Her relief turned to disbelief as the Shepard stopped, looked back at the city, then retreated back to his hover car, and resumed firing again at the approaching Batarian mob. The view morphed again. 

She found herself in an abandoned warehouse with a group of teenagers surrounding something. A lone voice rang out in the warehouse, "This'll teach the Reds, make it clear this one stepped over the line." She closed her eyes once the screaming began.

When she opened her eyes she was amongst what looked like Protheans running away from something. She stood in the middle of the street while Protheans streamed around her and through her. In the distance she could hear roaring that sounded machine made. One thought kept coming into her mind: 'Run, they are here.' She continued to feel that sensation while flashes of large machines went through her mind. After an eternity of panic, she found herself in Shepard's room.

Liara, and Shepard faced each other. Shepard's jaw muscle tensed a few times in the silence that waited the pair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hope you like it so far! I also hope you like my pure Paragon (almost to the point of causing diabetes) Shepard. I like Paragon Shepards better, but Renegades are more interesting. Props to those who can write a Renegade, I know I can't. 
> 
> Also if you feel like you're reading some of the worst chapters (or mediocre chapters, which is worse than bad) in an increasingly crappy story, PLEASE tell me! I can only make it better if you review and tell me what I'm doing wrong. If you hate this story and don't review it, then I will continue down my happy little oblivious trail and you'll be forced to see this story and shutter in agony that I'm still trying to write it. So really, you're helping yourself. 


	4. The Short Goodbye

Liara and Shepard sat there, on his bed, staring at each other. In any other situation Liara would have been embarrassed, for she was inches away from a dashing commander on a rather comfortable bed. Several times Shepard had opened his mouth to say something, but had apparently changed his mind at the last moment. Liara was drained, both physically and mentally. Melding was far different from what she had thought it would be. She murmured to Shepard, "I-ah-need to take a nap."

Shepard was still for a moment more, and then nodded his head. He chuckled darkly and replied, "I think I need one too."

She managed to stumble out of his room, go through the Mess hall, past the Med Bay, and reach her own room without incident. Stopping herself from passing out in one of the Normandy's public areas felt better than graduating from university. Sleep should've taken her the moment she hit her cot, but her thoughts held her captive.

Liara hoped and prayed that somehow the images she had seen were hybrids of the Prothean beacon, and Shepard watching too many soap operas. Deep down, however, she knew that nothing about what she'd seen was fictitious. Every scream, every stench, every panicked look was real. Or had been. Those scenes hadn't been recent, judging by Shepard's young appearance and Prothean memories. She had experienced the raw emotions Shepard felt at the time of each memory. They could've been yesterday, if the Commander's unfiltered emotions were any indicator.

It was a miracle he was so cheerful all the time. If she had been through half that, she would have been on the galaxy's most wanted list. She had expected melding to be peaceful, and not nearly as tiring. When she watched his memories and the Prothean beacon play out, it had been so real and devastating that several times she had to remind herself that these weren't pictures from her own past. Liara could've been there it was so real.

...

Before the bullet even left the chamber, he knew it would not miss. Shepard also knew it would be his last bullet of the day. His enemy was done for. What happened next almost made Shepard hang up his armor, and become a simple chicken farmer.

Liara ran over to Benezia's bleeding out form, and they exchanged words. What was said, Shepard would never find out. He was close enough to listen, but he could not hear. Tears streamed down Liara's face. Colt glanced down at his own hands, disgusted that their aim was so steady. Deep down, in the logical part of his brain, he knew it couldn't have turned out any other way. He knew he couldn't talk to Benezia and convince her to come aboard the Normandy. That part kept telling him that no matter how much he might have wanted it; Liara, Benezia, and himself would never have held hands and joyfully skipped to his boat singing songs from Fleet and Flotilla. It was ridiculous to feel guilty, but still he did. He shouldn't have given two shits; it was just another enemy nut out of the way. But he did care.

The walk back to the Normandy was a special kind of torture. Colt tried not to notice Liara's silent tears or the way she hung her head. Even Joker's jokes were not enough to cheer him up. Several times he tried to turn to Liara, to say how sorry he was, but the words were stuck. 

When he sat in his commander cave he tried to think of things to say to Doctor T'Soni, things like: 'Oh hey, sorry about your mother. Saren's a little bitch, and your mom's in a better place… except she might not be because she didn't see the flash of light, but hey don't think about it!' He quickly came to the conclusion that all his ideas were horrendous. Bringing lots of chocolate, stupid jokes, and a shoulder to cry on were much better ideas than trying to force out an awkward apology.

Shepard mentally prepared himself for whatever could happen with Liara, and strode into the Mess Hall. He quickly gathered all the chocolate he could possibly find and walked to Liara's door, ignoring the bewildered stares from crew members. Luckily, Doctor Chakwas wasn't there, because explaining how he had enough chocolate to clog the arteries of a whale would be another pain in the ass he didn't need. 

At least three times he tried to knock on Liara's door and finally found the courage to do So. When he heard the "come in", he walked slowly in, hoping that Liara would understand why he had had to kill Benezia.

…

Liara sat on her cot. Something bad had happened. Something life changing. None of it had really caught up with her, but she knew that it would burn. Maybe not today; everything was still settling in.

For a long time, Liara had thought Benezia could be convinced to join the crew of the Normandy. The indoctrination that had poisoned her mother's brain had taken that opportunity away from them.

One minute she was talking to her mother, and the next she was talking with Saren's puppet. Mom had launched at her, biotics seconds from ripping Liara apart, when Shepard had blown her backwards with a gunshot to the chest.

Remembering the way Shepard had saved her life brought a new emotion to her, in fact she was about to dissect it until she had heard someone knocking and a minute later Shepard had shuffled in. His eyes were downcast, and his arms were loaded with bags full of something. He set down the bags on her desk, turning slowly. Then Shepard just suddenly opened his arms, and without a further thought she found herself being cradled by his strong hands.

She didn't know how long they had been embracing, but came to the conclusion that forever probably wouldn't have been long enough. When they finally stepped back from each other she noticed that the Commander's shirt was soaked. She touched her cheeks and found that they were also wet; she didn't even realize she had cried. Shepard was looking at her with a worried expression, but in truth she felt much better. She offered him a small smile. He seemed to relax a fraction of an inch, and walked over to her desk. He ungracefully ripped open one of the bags and turned back, offering something. She nervously took it, unsure of what it was. Upon closer inspection it appeared to be similar to a candy found on Thessia. She quickly ate it and magically felt better. "What's it called?" Liara asked.

Smiling, Shepard said, "Chocolate… the eighth wonder of the world." She had to agree with him on that part. "Capable of helping anyone, through anything," he continued.

…

After Liara and Shepard had eaten a tremendous amount of chocolate, they found themselves sitting on Liara's bed talking about Benezia.

"Tell me about her," Shepard offered quietly. He didn't want to know about Benezia, he didn't want to know about the person that he had shot through the chest. But this was for Liara, so he had to ask.

"She always made time for me, even if she had hours of work waiting for her. When I was younger we used to make forts. I always pretended they were Prothean ruins but I never told her that. She wouldn't have found that quite as amusing as I did. She wanted to support me, with whatever I did. It's true that she didn't appreciate my fascination with the Protheans but she never truly tried to stop it. If she had truly not wanted me doing my own thing then I would probably be locked in a tower somewhere-"

"Wait, did you just reference a human fairytale?" Shepard asked, grinning.

Liara, unable to contain the blush that was spreading across her face nodded and said, "Well, I was curious about humans. So I did some research into them and found that your 'fairytales', as you call them, are pretty good." She stopped, and started staring at Shepard in the weirdest way. He realized that his grin was probably taking his face hostage.

"Really, Doctor T'Soni? What else have you found while researching humans," Commander Shepard's tone of voice had slipped into its normal, teasing tone.

Liara started turning even more blue before answering, "Well I-ah-learned a lot about you. For example I learned that you-ah-lived on the streets as a child." Shepard was a little surprised that she hadn't asked him about it, but wasn't shocked she had known about it. One could find a lot on the extranet.

"I see...and what do you think?" He said.

"I certainly haven't met anyone who has lived through so much… or is so fascinating," she said. Shepard couldn't help but wonder if she was only fascinated with his link to the Protheans. After all, she had just said the word 'Prothean' at least a thousand times when she spoke about Benezia.

"So am I fascinating? Or is it my Protheanness that you find so interesting?" Shepard replied. It was important to know what Liara wanted.

"At first I was drawn to your link with the Protheans, and how your mind wasn't completely obliterated by it. Then my fascination with you started to surpass my fascination with the link." Shepard was relieved, after her initial comment he thought that only his weird link to the past was what made him intriguing. The two were getting dangerously close, and Shepard was okay with that.

They were leaning closer, and closer until Joker came over the speakers, "Commander, Garrus wants to speak with you about the Mako." After a number of choice words and a frustrated goodbye, he headed to the cargo bay. Garrus was about to receive a tongue lashing that people would make legends out of.

…

"Thank you, Garrus," Shepard angrily huffed at Garrus Vakarian. The turian had no idea what he had done. All he had ever wanted to do was to tell Shepard that launching the Mako down large cliffs was an activity he advised against. He was even going to point out what it did to the Mako, and how he personally had to fix it. His entire speech quickly vanished from his mind when he saw how mad Shepard was. "Umm, what did I do?" Garrus hoped his innocent voice would win over the Commander.

"To start off I was inches from Liara, and about to…," Shepard started off angry, and ended up sounding almost as embarrassed as Liara always was.

Garrus knew exactly what had happened, and he started laughing, "I see your winning over the hearts and souls of the ladies...or whatever, on the ship."

Shepard turned even brighter red, and replied, "Well it's crucial to the mission, you know. People have to trust me." Garrus knew he had brought Shepard back from the brink of a temper tantrum when he saw him grinning like an idiot.

"Oh yes, I'm sure Liara trusts you completely," he said. Their easy back, and forth banter reminded Garrus why he had first come with the Spectre. Not only did he not have to follow rules, (something Garrus really appreciated after C-Sec) but the human also had a charm to him. Garrus had no problem imagining Shepard bringing peace to the galaxy, and causing all the races to be so happy that rainbows flew out their asses. In fact Garrus was almost positive that the human would play a huge role in his future.


	5. Five Stages of Grief, Three Repressed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So this chapter is hitting the angst hard, and letting the humor part dry up and die. I'm sorry, but no matter how hard I tried, there was no way to find humor in this part of the storyline. 

Shepard was going to throw up. He didn't, not yet at least. He had to keep it together while he was with Liara, and Ashley. He thought he could feel the shockwave from the nuclear explosion rock the ship, even though the possibly of that happening was a solid negative seven. But logic didn't rule when someone passed. The worst part was that he kept imagining Kaiden standing right there, right next to him. Colt would convince himself that he actually was there. Kaiden was never there. Shepard was going to throw up.

People were talking to him; he could see blurs going by him and standing in front of him. Sometimes his body would rattle, but he was strangely unattached to it. It could've been a dream. He hoped it was a dream.

Colt had made many, many tough decisions in his famed career. Shepard had gotten other subordinates killed. Still, the death of Kaiden was hitting him hard, much harder than any other death of a subordinate. But why? Perhaps it was because the two drank with each other on shore leave. They were friends. Shepard was going to throw up.

Why had he chosen Kaiden over Ashley? He knew why. Ashley had family, sisters, waiting for her. She was also a better soldier, and therefore a better asset to Shepard. Colt shivered. He had killed a friend to save a tactical advantage.

Shouting, loud shouting, interrupted his thoughts. Doctor Chakwas stood in front of him, worry etched on her face. Sincere concern that was past professional worry. Chakwas had to be the best doctor he had ever worked with.

"Commander, come with me. We're going to the Med Bay," the doctor said the words slowly, as if talking to a small child. Colt didn't need help. He especially didn't need to be handled like he was fragile.

Shepard snapped out of his trance, and replied, "No, no, Doctor. I think I just need to lie down for awhile." And with that Shepard edged around the good doctor and hurried to the elevator, anxious to get to his cabin.

Once he reached his destination, he immediately went to the bathroom. He ran to his toilet and started heaving. A good five minutes was spent emptying the contents of his stomach until he could no longer stand the sensation. The only thing left to do was go to sleep, so he did.

…

Liara knew this was bad, very bad. Usually Shepard would turn around in the airlock when they were being decontaminated, and talk to the people he brought on the mission. Wanting to know what they thought of the mission, what could have gone better, those sorts of things; but this time he never turned around. He didn't even so much as glance back.

Ashley Williams was much like the commander, unmoving and completely pale. The realization that Shepard had just saved her instead of Kaiden was undoubtedly sinking in. Liara was the only one not locked into a trance, she couldn't be. Shepard would need her, and acting like a zombie wasn't going to make him feel better.

It was even worse when the trio stepped into the Normandy, just behind the cockpit, and Shepard only walked in a few feet and stopped. Liara waited patiently, assuming Shepard would snap out of his trance. The minutes passed and Liara grew more concerned; Shepard hadn't moved an inch. Other crew members had noticed, and were starting to stare. Even Joker had noticed, a concerned expression painted across his face.

People had started snapping in front of his face and waving their hands, but nothing worked. Apparently Joker realized this at about the same time as Liara, because he called up Doctor Chakwas via intercom.

When Chakwas had finally reached Shepard, he snapped out of it. A quick excuse, and then a hurried walk to the elevator took him away. She tried to following, but Doctor Chakwas had stopped her. She said that Shepard would need a couple hours to himself. So Liara started the waiting game, glancing back at the clock every few minutes thinking hours had gone by.

…

When Shepard awoke, thoughts of Kaiden had already started streaming into his mind. If he had done something different Kaiden could have lived. Thoughts like that kept flittering across his mind until a knock on the door awoke him from his silent reverie.

After a hesitant 'come in', Liara walked into his room. For a couple seconds they just stared at each other and right when it was about to get awkward, Liara opened her arms and Shepard was in them in a record time. The fact that their roles were reversed just a couple nights ago didn't escape Shepard's mind.

When they stepped away from each other, Shepard immediately missed Liara's arms. She looked at him, and started off hesitantly, "You're probably going to hate me after I say this, but it has to be said… Shepard, I know Kaiden's death has hit you hard, but you can't do that again. You can't zone out in the middle of the ship." Shepard was about to start arguing with her. Why couldn't he zone out? It was his ship; he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Before he could voice those opinions to Liara she continued with her speech. "People were scared, Shepard. Don't you get it? Those people admire, and trust you; when you do that it hurts them, and they lose a little faith. You cannot let how much this hurts show. If you do, your crew will lose faith that you can get the job done. Win the fight, and then think about it." Everything she had just said was true, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

"You're right, of course," Shepard tried to laugh, but it came out as a strangled screech, "First I kill Saren, and then I let all my problems manifest into a mental illness." He tried to joke with Liara, but he knew by the look on her face that he had offended her. Prepare for a shitstorm. All Liara did, however, was turn and leave his cabin. A much worse outcome than what he thought would happen.

He was the one who should have been mad at her for what she said, yet she was now the one storming out of his cabin. What?...Colt needed to call the crew together before he fixed things with Liara.

Shepard pushed that out of his mind. Meeting with his crew was his most important task at the moment. His companions would need to know that he was okay now, and ready to go Saren hunting.

…

"…Kaiden would have wanted us to catch Saren, and it's our job to stay focused so that we can do exactly that. Once we bring the turian asshole to justice, we will have a proper burial for him...Crew dismissed," Colt spoke with a confidence he did not feel. Shepard had talked for about an hour regarding the death of Kaiden, and what it meant to their mission. Although he had meant different things to different people, Shepard's message had been clear: Stop Saren first and then mourn for Kaiden.

Colt knew that he would have to make up with Liara, and saw his chance when she was leaving the conference room. He caught up with her quickly, determined to explain that he was stupid and that she should ignore half of what he says,"Liara, wait!" He waited in the middle of the conference room for her, getting more nervous with every step she took towards him. When she had stopped in front of him and looked at him expectedly, Shepard lost all the words he was planning to say. "Uhh…Liara... I am sorry," Shepard mumbled out. "What I said was supposed to be a joke, but it-ah-came out wrong."

Liara waited for a second and then started out, "Shepard, I know it was a joke, but… all I was trying to do was make you get a hold of the situation. I never wanted you to think that I don't care about your problems." So the truth came out, she wasn't mad at him for the joke, she was mad because it implied that she didn't care about his feelings. Shepard understood that, but was utterly confused as to why she was upset about it. Instead of voicing that opinion, however; he just nodded and pulled her into a hug. Commander Shepard decided then, and there that everything would turn out alright.


	6. A Very Blue Birthday

"So…Shepard. I was thinking that we should go out to eat tonight. Relax a little bit, you know?" Doctor Liara T'Soni was trying to use her best seductive voice to win over her…boyfriend? She didn't actually know what they were, but she knew it was more than friends and less than bond-mates. She had decided to try, and convince Commander Shepard to take her out for her birthday without actually telling him it was her birthday. Goddess knows what he would do if he found out.

Shepard looked a little disappointed, "I don't think I can today, how about tomorrow?" They were in Liara's room thing.

Liara never knew what made her say this, she had practiced not telling Shepard, but it slipped out nevertheless, "Well it's my birthday today, so I wanted to celebrate a little bit." When she had finished she couldn't believe that she had done that...Then she saw Shepard's face.

Alark bells were screamed in her head. She should have ran, and found the nearest helmet. Shepard blinked thoughtfully for a moment, and ever so slowly a huge grin started to appear. The little twinkle in his eye got brighter and he leaned close to Liara, causing goose bumps to spread across her body. He whispered in her ear, "Well if it's your birthday, then we'll definitely have to celebrate." Liara decided that telling Shepard wasn't a bad thing at all.

Liara started leaning in for a kiss, and she could feel the heat coming off him they were so close. They had barely touched lips when Shepard jerked back and stepped away, his grin once again appearing. "Not so fast T'Soni, I have to get you off the ship so I can…plan. How do you feel about window shopping with Wrex?"

…

"So one time this Batarian was coming at me, murder in its eyes, and guns blazing. And you know what I did?" Wrex paused a moment waiting for Liara to respond and when she didn't, he continued anyways, "I charged that pyjack, and ripped his puny head off. His gun was still going even with his head gone. Hehe. I would have admired the spectacle more if Batarians hadn't of come around a corner, and started shooting at me. I probably would have taken the body, and buried it. We honor our enemies… So I guess that's the really exciting moment when I was five. Six was much better, more killing and stuff."

Liara interrupted him, "You were five years old? I thought Krogans were at least eight before they killed."

"That's true if you don't have father like mine. He insisted I started early, and quickly. I took pleasure in killing him." Wrex did his deep chuckle at the thought while Liara stayed silent. She had quickly given up on the idea of window shopping with Wrex. It was hard to explain why a Krogan was wondering around an asari department store. So they had settled in a park on the Citadel. Wrex was mostly talking, while Liara commented occasionally on his exploits. It was relaxing, and she enjoyed his company immensely.

Liara was also keeping watch for Shepard, because she had seen him occasionally go by, his arms full of stuff. She wondered what he could be doing; after all she had only wanted to go on a date with him. The thought of the whole crew knowing about her birthday, and decorating for her was embarrassing. Someone calmer, someone not so high strung would have just taken her to dinner. A celebration free of embarrassments, something safe. But sometimes it was good to take risk, especially with someone like Shepard.

Wrex was still talking, she got the vague idea he was discussing different looking guts of individual species and tactics on killing them, but Liara couldn't be positive. She had zoned out.

It was weird, she thought, how different she and Shepard were. The Commander was probably a little insane and engaging, while she had a...steady personality. They were polar opposites. She loved it. He was also charismatic and funny, both things she lacked.

To try to improve her sense of humor, she looked up jokes on the extranet. That idea had exploded into a fiery clump of horrible. The exchange went like: Liara- 'Knock, knock!' Shepard- 'Who's there?' Liara- 'Orange!' Shepard- 'Orange who?' Liara- 'Orange you glad I didn't say banana?!'

The expectation was great excitement and laughter from Shepard, instead she could only see horror in his face. He had approached her slowly talking about how she should never look up extranet jokes, and how he hoped this hadn't ruined her hopefully blossoming sense of humor. Going back on the extranet wasn't something she could do for a few days after that.

Although that little blunder was horribly embarrassing, something good had come out of it. Shepard had started coming to her little alcove more often. They didn't talk, instead they had both worked. While this seemed horridly awkward, it was actually comforting having him next to her. Occasionally she had looked up, and found Shepard looking at her. When this happened he would give her a smile, then return to work.

"LIARA!" Shepard's voice yelled in her ear. She jumped approximately a thousand feet in the air, and had to stop herself from letting out a screech that would attract varrens.

…

Colt was satisfied with himself. Liara had squeaked in terror when he shouted her name, and it was fucking hilarious. Only a few seconds later did he realize that what he had done could potentially piss Liara off, but he couldn't stop laughing. When Liara turned around she was not a happy camper, but she appeared to have stopped herself from getting mad. Her eyes softened when her eyes met his.

"Lets...go back to the... ship, everything's ready!" Shepard said; laughing, and talking proved difficult. He gestured for Wrex, and Liara to follow him.

When they arrived at the ship everything was dark. Nothing seemed to be powered on, and there wasn't any sign of the crew. Shepard immediately split up Liara, Wrex, and himself to search the ship. When Wrex started to leave to his part of the ship, Shepard grabbed his meaty arm, pointing to Liara and raising a finger to his lips. Wrex understood, and soon the pair were following Liara.

When she entered the Mess Hall the lights flashed on and all the crew members stood up, and screamed, "HAPPY KINDA SURPRISE PARTY!" Shepard watched as Liara stood there frozen, turning her head. He walked up behind her and asked, "So...was it surprising? Kinda-maybe?"

The asari jumped a little at his voice. She looked at him, a frown starting to form across her face. Oh shit. Oh no. Holy balls. When she was silent for a long time, he started out, "I'm sorry, Liara. I thought it would be funny." He would have said more, but her frown was cracking and soon a huge smile spread across her face.

"You know Shepard; you're not the only one that can surprise someone," Liara said, mischief dripping from her words. Thank God she was just playing around.

"Cut the chatter, there's a full bar and we're on shore leave!" Someone shouted from the back. It was probably Joker...actually it was probably Chakwas. It was definitely Chakwas.

…

The decorations were amazing. There was a banner saying 'Happy Birthday Liara!' There was also lots of colorful ribbons, and music in the background. It was spectacular and she couldn't help but glance at Shepard, knowing that he had set up all this. Her mother always tried to do something for her, but usually that consisted of the two going to a resturant rather than having a party. Later on when she was in Prothean dig sites, she never celebrated. When it came along she usually had a little celebratory drink, and that was it. Never had anyone put so much time, and effort into her birthday.

Commander Shepard, and Liara had been going between groups when someone had mentioned cake. The whole crew migrated to the cake and Shepard proudly announced that two cakes had been made, one for Tali and Garrus and one for everyone else. "I think Liara gets to cut the cake since it's her birthday!" Shepard announced, looking at Liara. Looking back on that moment she should have known that something was up, but she didn't, so she gladly took a knife and started cutting the non-dextro cake.

Liara admired how tasty the cake looked, then slammed the knife down hard. As soon as she had gone down about an inch there was a loud pop. Chunks of cake flew everywhere. It mostly got on Liara, but nearby spectators also got hit. The frosting literally coated her entire face. Only when someone handed her a towel did she see Shepard and Garrus standing next to each other, laughing uncontrollably. They were slapping each other on the back, and hitting their knees. Most of the crew was laughing, but Garrus and Shepard were out of control. After a few minutes everyone except the the two stopped laughing. They went on for a good twenty minutes.

Doctor Chakwas announced, "It looks like you and Garrus have some cleaning up to do, Commander." This quickly sobered up the pair as they glanced around at the carnage, their faces dropping.

"Well, we have to do presents first, then we will clean up," Shepard said, still looking at the exploded cake. Liara groaned at the mention at another party activity, as she was hoping that she could go back to her room after the cake incident. She cringed at the thought of what her presents might be.

Everyone sat in a circle, all eyes on Liara when the presents started getting handed to her. The first present was from Doctor Chakwas and it was a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy, the best she said. Then the next present was from Joker, which she was a little afraid to open, but it was actually a pretty funny card with some creds tucked into it. Wrex gave her two gun mods (Liara had no idea how to put them on, luckily she lived on a ship full of weapons specialists). Garrus handed her a copy of this years best Turian comedy 'Bird People'. A lovely mug with SR-1 inscribed on it was Tali's present. Adhley delivered another card with some creds in it, then the rest of the crew gave her a handsome amount of 100 creds. No one except for Liara seemed to notice that Shepard hadn't given her anything. The party was probably his present.

After the presents, Liara's party started to wind down. So she decided to head to her cabin after saying goodnight to everyone. Once she reached her destination, she started to do a little more research into Saren's capabilities.

An hour into her research she heard a knock on the door."Come in!" She called. The Commander strode in lacking his usual confidence. He had a small box in his hands and for the first time in the history of forever, Shepard looked shy. He extended the box out without a word and watched as she opened it. Inside she found a small rearing horse, with diamonds as eyes. She immediately loved it, but wondered why it was always back to horses with Shepard. Then she remembered the small Shepard she had seen in the meld.

…

Shepard had bought Liara a necklace for her birthday, but he quickly wondered why he had gotten a horse. She had never once expressed interests in horses. Deep inside he knew why he had gotten a horse but he pushed that thought away, determined to enjoy her party.

Hours later when he had presented her the necklace, he was relieved that she seemed to like it. It was a fairly weird and out there for her but it was nice looking, and he hoped it would make up for the cake debacle. In fact, Liara had been a good sport all through the party and he was glad that he hadn't driven her away with his pranks.

"So, do you like it?" Shepard asked.

Liara looked up from the necklace and replied, "Oh yes, it's beautiful Shepard. It's probably one of the best presents I've ever recived!" This made Shepard relax; his out of the blue purchase had been worth it.

"Do you think we celebrated sufficiently?" Commander Shepard asked, taking on a low tone.

"Not quite, I think I need one more thing," she said returning the same tone of voice.

"Oh? What is that Doctor?" During this whole exchange they had slowly been getting closer to each other. Now they were only inches apart.

"I think you know, Commander," Liara said, her voice barely a whisper. Their lips connected and they stood there for who knows how long kissing. Both could only concentrate on the sensations running through their bodies.

Shepard was stunned by how soft Liara's lips were. Liara was stunned by how great of a kisser Shepard was. Liara's lips parted slightly, so Shepard took that as an indicator to start exploring Liara's mouth. She tasted sweet and simple and the inside of her mouth was smooth.

When they finally pulled away, Shepard grasped her shoulders and said, "Happy Birthday Doctor Liara T'Soni." Then he walked out of the room leaving a slightly confused and very satisfied asari.


	7. Kidnapping, and All Its Friends-Part 1

This mission was getting more boring by the second. They had been instructed to investigate suspicious activity, possibly Geth, but they had come across nothing. Liara knew that she had to keep alert, but this was turning out to be a waste of their time. Even Commander Shepard, who was like an excited twelve-year old during missions, seemed bored and only going through the motions. Garrus didn't seemed very impressed with this assignment either.

They were in underground ruins. What looked like concrete slabs littered the area. There was a tunnel leading into the main cavern they were currently in. The only room was the main cavern.

"Well, we obviously haven't found any Geth activity...so I think we can head back to the Normand-," Shepard started, before a bullet whizzed by his head. "GET DOWN!" This happened so fast that Liara didn't have time to get down before Shepard had yanked her downwards. He pushed her into a slab of concrete, gave her a small smile, ducked out of cover, and fired at the enemy.

"Garrus, can you get a read on our enemy?" Shepard shouted at Garrus. Confused, Liara poked her head around the concrete slab. Whoever had fired on them was no longer visible.

"Negative, all I can pick up is multiple life forms behind a couple of those concrete slabs. About fifteen meters away," Garrus responded, his eyes scanning his omni-tool and occasionally looking at his blue eye patch.

"How many? Keep your weapons tight people, we have unidentified hostiles!" the Commander shouted back, looking through the scope on his rifle.

"Around ten, it's hard to tell because they're bunched up so much," Garrus stopped looking at all of his gadgets and snuck to the next piece of concrete, probably trying to get into a good position to use his sniper rifle. Liara readied a warp, hoping one of them would make a mistake.

She never got to use it. Smoke grenades were hurled at them, her line of sight completely obscured. Liara got ready to move out of cover, and behind the next piece of concrete but Shepard yelled, "Retreat, fall back!" Liara didn't think that Shepard knew the meaning of retreat, but he was her Commanding Officer and generally knew what the best course of action was. She ran towards the tunnel, and saw someone else doing the same.

…

"Good. Now tell them to meet outside the ruins or I will slit your throat, and have my men slaughter your team," a voice whispered into Shepard's ear. He had been firing into the smoke when hands grabbed him from behind, pulling him behind a piece of concrete. The hands momentarily left his neck, and shoulders only to return holding a knife.

"Meet me outside the ruins!" Shepard yelled, listening for Liara and Garrus' feet. When he heard them, he relaxed a little. Knowing that at least someone was safe Was a small comfort. He tried to stand up a little more, since he had been forced to his knees, but the knife held to his neck nicked him.

"Sweet dreams, Commander."

…

"Where the hell is he? He did say to meet him out here...didn't he?" Garrus was pacing in front of Liara, making her even more nervous. They stood just outside of the ruins, the Mako close by.

Liara nodded, worry making her unable to speak. She had clearly heard Shepard tell them to come outside.

After a pause in his pacing, Garrus pulled up his omni-tool, "Garrus to Normandy, Garrus to Normandy, do you read me?"

The response was immediate. Shepard's XO,Pressley, said, "We read you ground team, what's the issue?"

Garrus sighed before answering, "Shepard is MIA."

"Repeat Ground team," Pressley had a quiver to his voice.

Before Garrus could answer, Liara replied, "Commander Shepard is MIA."

"Understood ground team, I am calling all non-essential personnel together. Wait for another twenty minutes, then get back to the ship. Also, be advised that night is approaching, and the temperature will drop to hazardous conditions in thirty minutes," Pressley replied.

"Understood, Liara out," she replied, voice audibly shaking. She looked over at Garrus, and he nodded. A silent agreement went between the two; they needed to go back inside the ruins.

"Shepard!" Liara and Garrus' voices echoed through the empty cavern. There wasn't any sign that just thirty minutes earlier they had been fighting an unknown enemy. Liara couldn't even see footprints. Nothing was out of the ordinary until they found another door in the rear of the cavern and slightly to the left. Garrus checked for life inside the door; there were none. When they walked into the cave, there was evidence of someone. When Liara saw the faint drag marks in the dirt she couldn't breathe.

It was clear that someone had used this tunnel to escape because when they reached the end of it there was an opening to the cold air outside. Both Liara and Garrus knew they had to move to get to the Normandy before they froze, but they remained there staring at the ledge and the absence of their commander.

…

"… We waited ten minutes for Shepard, but he was just…gone," Garrus told the entire crew of the Normandy, who were gathered in the conference room. The atmosphere was cold. Liara kept turning to Shepard's chair expecting a joke that was borderline inappropriate. She kept disappointing herself. Most of the crew was in shock, the hero of the Skyllian Blitz didn't just get kidnapped.

"So that's it, Shepard has been kidnapped? Did you even see who took him?" Ashley Williams' voice rose with every word she said, disbelief dripping from her words.

"Yes, and we could've prevented it… we could've saved him," Liara said, her voice small and barely audible.

"Say again, Doctor," Chakwas was also in the room and she looked at Liara, searching for an answer like everyone else.

"We could've saved him," Liara said louder for the group. "I knew that something was wrong when he ordered us to retreat, but I never acted on it. If we hadn't waited outside so long for him, he would be here."

Before anyone could say anything else, Joker came on the comm, "Admiral Hackett is sending us a live video now. He says it may be a link to the whereabouts of Shepard." The screen in the front of the room came to life, a grainy video was playing. It looked like there was a large room with a man seated in the middle, it took a moment to focus and the whole room gasped when they saw it was Commander Shepard in the middle.

…

Shepard flew back when he felt water being poured over his head, or at least he thought he had, but the chair he sat in kept him firmly on the ground. When he came to his senses he realized that his hands were bound behind the chair, and his shirt was off. He was face to face with a Batarian. "Finally, I have gotten the hero of the Skyllian Blitz." He spat out the words, as if they burned his mouth to say them. "You are the person responsible for my… downgrade." Shepard had no idea what this loon was talking about, and sincerely hoped that this was some alcohol-induced dream.

"I have no fucking idea what you're talking about," Shepard mumbled to the Batarian, still groggy from just waking up. The rifle butt to the head was practically like getting a double shot of espresso through his veins; he was awake now.

"You ruined my reputation as a great Batarian raider. The little stunt you pulled back at the Blitz? Well, this is payback. Killing the Commander Shepard will surely earn my respect back, and scare the Alliance. Two in one," the Batarian prick pointed towards a camera with another Batarian behind it.

"Who the hell is this being broadcast to?" Shepard was furious now. He was being used as a publicity stunt.

"Alliance Command and Batarian Warlords," he replied, his disgusting mouth forming an even worse smile. "Don't worry, the cameras love you." His laughter echoed through the room as he signaled his partner to start rolling the camera. "Please state your name for the audience," the Batarian told Shepard, but he remained silent. The Batarian circled Shepard. Without warning the asshole back-handed him in the face. Black spots formed in his vision, and his head felt even fuzzier. It would definitely leave a bruise.

"My name is Commander Colt Shepard," he said, his head still aching from the hit.

"Please state the name of your ship, and achievements made in your military career," the Batarians voice was steady and calm.

"My ship is the SSV Normandy of the Systems Alliance Navy. Notable achievements in my military career are as follows: Skyllian Blitz, admissions into N7 school, graduation from N7 school and command of the SSV Normandy," Shepard said this almost mechanically, noting that he had been asked this question too many times to count.

"Let's talk about the Skyllian Blitz-,"

"No," he said almost whispering.

…

Liara watched in horror as the Batarian punched Shepard squarely in the nose. A sickening crunch translated over the poor connection. The whole room flinched at the hit.

"What did you say?" the Batarian slaver asked, circling Shepard once more, a nasty glare in his eyes.

"I will not the discuss the Skylian Blitz. Especially with a Batarian, " Shepard cooly. He spit a glib of blood at the Batarian.

"I would suggest that you fully cooperate with me unless you want me wringing the neck on your pretty little asari, and your turian friend," Liara saw Shepard snap straight up at the mention of the two. The Normandy crew glanced at Garrus, and her with dull eyes.

"What do you want to know?" Shepard was obviously panicking at the mention of Garrus and Liara.

"Why did you go to Elysium?" He said. The Batarian was clearly gloating now.

"I went to see a zoo, one of the best zoos in the galaxy," Shepard's back was straight as a board, and he was keenly watching the Batarian now.

"Who'd you go with, Shepard," the Batarian asked, sneering.

"I went with A-Alexander Shepard," Shepard had closed his eyes now, his voice quivered.

"Who's that Commander Shepard?" The Batarian said, him calling the Commander 'Shepard' sent chills down Liara. There was something very wrong with openly disrespecting an enemy.

Shepard mumbled something and the Batarian lashed out again, this time with his gun. "Louder!"

"He was my brother!" Shepard screamed that at the Batarian, his face bright red. The comm room was abuzz with questions like: 'Shepard has a brother?' 'Where's he now?' 'I thought Shepard grew up alone on the streets?' Liara had caught a glimpse of his brother during the meld.

"How old was he when you went to Elysium?"

"He turned eleven that day," Shepard was slightly hyperventilating now.

Joker came over the comm. again, "Admiral Hackett just sent a message saying that they are tracking Shepard. Be prepared to go in once his location is known."

…

"Let the records show that Shepard's brother was an adolescent in human years, and his legal guardian was then Lieutenant Colt Shepard." The Batarian faced the camera, his words were slow, letting that all sink in. Colt was near tears."Please tell everyone about that day."

"Fuck. You," Shepard told the Batarian. He was not going to share his past with half of the Alliance. The Batarian stalked up to him. Cool plastic made contact with his face, and sent rivers of pain coursing through him. His grip on consciousness started slipping away. He could distantly hear the Batarian talking, mostly cursing. A minute later he felt his cheeks being slapped in an attempt to make him aware again. Colt slid into unconsciousness anyways.

What was probably only minutes later, Shepard felt water once again being poured over his face. He hesitantly opened his eyes, hoping he had been teleported to the Normandy, and someone was pouring water on him in annoyance. Unfortunately, he knew he had no such luck. A combination of water, and blood streaming down his abdomen. "If you don't stay awake for this, I'll shoot your kneecap off… or better yet your friend's kneecaps." Shepard nodded in understanding, and waited for the next question.

"Since you don't feel like answering that question, I'll ask another. What happened to your brother? Please say your answer loudly for everyone." The Batarian was close to him. The asshole easily he could hurt Shepard if his answer was unsatisfactory.

"He was taken by Batarian slavers on Elysium," Shepard admitted.

"Did you see him being taken by slavers?" The Batarian's voice was menacing.

"Yes," Colt replied. A few tears escaped against his will.

…

Everyone looked at each other. Shepard had let his brother die. Crew members shifted uncomfortably in their chairs, everyone knew they should not be hearing this about their Commanding Officer. Liara was sick to her stomach as she watched Shepard admit that to some low life.

"So, you let Batarians kidnap your brother, and you did nothing to stop it?" At this point, the Batarian was just egging on the Commander.

"If-if I had stopped to save my brother, every colonist on Elysium would have been dead. I had to let him go," Shepard's voice started out loud and his last words were barely detectable.

"Well now that everyone knows the truth about the Hero of the Blitz. I think it's time for the next segment," The Batarian was pointedly looking at the camera now; his beady eyes seemed to stare straight into Liara. A twisted smile stretched across his face, "How do you guys feel about watching Commander Shepard's execution?"


	8. Kidnapping, and All Its Friends-Part 2

"Hackett has pinpointed Shepard's location. He is sending the coordinates to your omni-tools now," Joker announced to the people in the comm. room. The pilot's voice forced everyone out of their silence.

The entire crew's omni-tools flared to life, coordinates awaiting them. Harsh, orange glow assaulted Liara's eyes as she read through Hackett's message.

Shepard was being held on a cruiser capable of housing up to one hundred and fifty crew members. The ship was orbiting a small planet called Iris; Iris had a small trading colony on its surface. "All right people we need a plan and quickly! Any ideas?" Navigator Pressley asked, eyeing the room.

"I say we take a shuttle to their docking bay, and fight our way to Shepard!" Wrex roared, his reptilian eyes sparking with fire.

"No!...No, we can't do that, if they knew we were trying to rescue Shepard they would kill him, and then swarm us. We're good, but not kill one hundred and fifty Batarian good," Liara argued. She didn't know a lot about military strategy, but she knew Wrex's plan was suicidal. "We have to be stealthy. The Batarians can't know that we're there for Shepard."

Most nodded heads in agreement. "There's a trading colony below the Batarian ship. We could use that as our cover. Maybe pose as traders?" Ashley Williams said in her confident, unwavering voice.

"What happens when we get Shepard? The moment we grab him, they'll be on us," Garrus said, his eyes shifting.

"The Normandy is capable of going in and out of stealth mode. If we could place her on the other side of the planet and go out of stealth long enough for the Batarians to notice, then BOOM! The Batarians are at their battle stations and a couple lowly trade people will never be noticed," Tali said, her voice rising with excitement. "...What? Shepard has taught me some tactics." Liara was preparing to feel jealous.

"Any other ideas?" Presley asked.

Silence.

"No one else?" He said. "Now's the time people." Still silence. Discomfort started to cloak on the group like a thick blanket. Presley sighed. "I guess we'll go with Tali's plan... Who wants to be on the ground team?"

All hands shot up. "Ashley, Garrus, Liara, and Wrex will go in. Find some civilian clothes and be ready in thirty minutes. We will arrive at the ship in forty minutes," Presley said.

…

Everyone was able to find civilian clothes save Wrex, because Krogans didn't have civilian clothes and the only other option would have been to wear Turian clothes, which would have been a belly shirt on the massive Krogan. "Alright people, remember you are traders and the idea of shooting or…," Presley glanced at Liara,"… turning them into soup is not something traders think about." The whole team nodded, although their faces were deeply disappointed. "We're going to let you out in a shuttle here," Presley pointed to a place on a holographic map, "The shuttle is quick so you'll get to the Batarian ship in about fifteen minutes, when you arrive tell them that it's for trading and they'll let you in. Good luck out there."

The seventeen minute shuttle trip was the perfect amount of time to create every possible scenario of Shepard's death. Liara experienced Colt's dying breath three hundred thirty four times before they had finally arrived.

Only a gravelly voice over the shuttle's communicator interrupted her thought process, "State your business."

"One of your crewmembers requested a trading party from the colony of Iris. Well, here we are," Ashley spoke back, her voice lacking its usual bite.

"Alright, Docking Bay 3 is where you're gonna wanna go," the graveled voice said back.

When they landed at the dock, securities were low. In fact, only seven Batarians greeted them when they landed. After thoroughly inspecting them, the party was allowed to go. A Batarian spoke up as they started to leave,"Why is the Krogan in armor? Expecting a fight?"

"Have you ever seen a Krogan not wearing armor?" Wrex muttered back.

"No I haven't...Thank the gods," the Batarian said back, his challenging expression fading. "Let em' through," he spoke into his omni-tool. He turned back to them, "I'll lead you to the trading rooms."

"Fine, but I need to tell the colony that we made it," Liara told the Batarian. She opened up her omni-tool. "Trading Party 488 is on board, I repeat Trading Party 488 is on board."

"Iris colony reads you Trading Party 488," Joker's voice answered back.

Liara turned back to the Batarian,"Take us to the trading rooms." He nodded and turned to lead them. Liara wasn't paying attention as much as she should've during the briefing, but she gathered that the ship was biggish with at least three decks.

"You are not to leave the trading floor. Do you understand?" The rescue party was in the midst of nodding their heads when sirens started blaring.

"All crew members report to your battle stations. We have an unidentified ship ten thousand klicks starboard," another equally nasty voice said over the ship's intercom.

"The trading room is the fourth door on your right down this hallway," the Batarian pointed down a hallway before scurrying away.

"I'll lead the way...Let's get out of this with minimal fighting," Garrus told them. He turned and started walking up a staircase.

The staircase was completely empty. A couple Batarians were running around the third deck. Nothing they couldn't take. The group started heading towards Shepard's room, and were pleasantly surprised to find that the Batarians were completely ignoring them. No doubt they saw the odd group of civilians walking around, but not one stopped them or said a word. The Normandy must have been an intimidating sight. Unfortunately, the Batarians weren't stupid enough to not post guards outside of Shepard's room.

Liara rarely did anything without thoroughly overthinking it. Poisonous thoughts that would still her stride and stop her from approaching the nasty looking guards outside Shepard's prison started to creep in her mind. Instead of acting on them, however, she trudged towards the guards with deadly intent. She asked, "Where are the trading rooms?"

"They're on floor one, marked pretty clearly...but you can stay with us and trade, sweetheart," the Batarian guard grinned and stepped towards Liara. She also stepped closer and reached out her hand. Just before she had almost touched his face, she slammed her hand into the front of his mouth and shoved him through the slightly ajar door. He fell on his back into the room, and tried to get up. Liara was quicker, snapping his neck in an instant with the aide of biotics. Garrus had snapped the neck of the other Batarian.

Three Batarians were in the room, and before they could react Liara had sent a warp at two of them, effectively turning them into a stain. Liara turned to the other Batarian but Wrex had just sent a warp at him, he too became an afterthought. Shepard was in the middle of the room, still tied to a chair and shirtless.

Liara ran over to him. The first thing she noticed was the blood. There was a lot of it...too much. His whole face was smeered with crimson. His abdomen had trails streaking down it. The second was his unconscious state. "Wrex, Shepard is unconscious; you're going to have to carry him!" Liara yelled to the Krogan, who turned and ran over to Shepard. He easily broke Shepard's bonds and threw him over his shoulder. Garrus and Ashley were at the door, ready for anyone who entered.

"We have to leave, NOW!" Ashley yelled. Heavy footfalls that thundered close to their room made it clear that waves of Batarians were down the hallway. They must've been searching every room. "We go when I say so. We have to wait until they're in one of the rooms to move," Ashley told the group. A few seconds later she motioned her hand and everyone flew out of the room, gunning for the stairs. They could hear shouting behind them, and Liara realized that they had just entered the room Shepard was being held. She willed her legs to go faster. The Batarians would quickly realize where the intruders had gone.

Sure enough, right when they reached the second floor, Batarians burst into the staircase, chasing after them. The Batarians remained behind them, gaining no ground. Eventually, they reached the first floor and sprinted for their shuttle. On the flat surface the Batarians had begun to gain and Liara knew they wouldn't reach the shuttle. She kept running despite that knowledge. Then a hundred feet from the shuttle she turned around.

Ashley noticed the asari's abrupt stop and yelled for her to keep running, but Liara ignored her. Liara was gathering all the strength she had left into her biotics. Blue swirls danced along her body, and just when the Batarians reached her she unleashed her biotics, sending the front Batarians flying and the ones behind got knocked down. She turned, and somehow made herself get to the shuttle. She pulled her body into it and there she collapsed, utterly exhausted from her biotic effort. The last thing she saw was Shepard before she fell into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Chapter Seven exists because when I first played the game I thought the Batarian's retaliation against Shepard for the Skyllian Blitz was a little weak. I thought a couple bombs are fun to diffuse, but why not turn it into a kidnapping? 


	9. Camera Ready Face

12 Years Earlier 

"You've done so much already, why can't they just let you take a break?" A man in his mid thirties asked Captain Hannah Shepard. 

"The Alliance needs me," Hannah reached her hand out and gently placed it on the man's arm. She tried to muster a reassuring smile, but she had yet to master the art of faking sincerity. 

"How long will you be gone?" He asked, placing his hand on the side of Hannah's face. 

"I don't know. Undercover in the Terminus? It could be years," she said. Out of everything she had ever done, this was by far the worst. But the Alliance didn't care about personal feelings, so neither would she. 

"Years!" The man jumped back from her, panic glistening in his eyes. Passion she hadn't seem in much too long sparked pitifully in his eyes. Maybe he had found "What about Colt and Alex?" In a much quieter, and resigned voice, "They need you…Well...I-" 

"They'll be fine. Besides Colt's fifteen, almost an adult. He can handle himself. As for Alex, you'll be there for him," she said. The Captain was doing an admirable job of not crying, but she knew that her breaking point was near. The thought of leaving him behind made Hannah physically sick. While he was doing better, it really was an inopportune time to leave. 

"Who's going to be there for me?" He had silent tears running down his cheeks. He grabbed Hannah's hands, and ran his fingers over her knuckles. This was the most 

"Colt and Alex will keep you company; besides, I shouldn't be longer than two years. I'll be home by the time Colt graduates and the Alliance will give me something quieter to do. Think of this as an investment into our future. I go for two years I never have to do a long tour again," Hannah now had tears streaming down her face, it was hard to keep it together for both of them.

"Will you at least be able to contact us?" He asked.

"No, if I were to contact anyone outside of my assignment, my cover would be blown," the Captain said, pulling the man into a hug. No promise, gesture, or word could ever make Hannah stay. She had to go. 

…

The mechanical whirring of machines was the first thing Shepard heard. Where the hell was he? He couldn't remember much. Colt opened his eyes too quickly, and slapped them shut when a bright light assaulted them. He came to the conclusion that he was either in the med bay or last night had been one hell of a party. "Hello?" Shepard tried his voice.

"Commander, good, you're awake. Everyone was worried even though I kept telling them that you'd be fine," Doctor Chakwas appeared in his line of vision and seemed to be checking him over. The flood gates holding back memories from his kidnap and torture suddenly opened, and everything flowed back to him. Everything.

"What's the damage doc?" Shepard rasped, slowly building the courage to sit up.

"Some major bruising on your face and a pretty serious concussion. It's lucky you're so tough; I thought at least a couple of your facial bones would be broken, but nope, there's only bruising," Chakwas glanced up towards him and gave him a smile.

"When can I go back to duty?" Colt didn't like the sound of a major concussion.

"Day after tomorrow is when you can be in combat, tomorrow you can do paperwork," Chakwas was now giving him her full attention.

"So soon? I thought you were supposed to let concussions heal for a couple of weeks," Shepard propped himself up a tiny bit. Colt didn't feel as bad as he thought he would after such an ordeal.

"A couple years ago they released a drug that helps the brain heal after a concussion; it's quick. You'll be good to go in just a couple days. In fact you can go to your cabin anytime you want," she had now moved away and was typing something in at her terminal.

"Thanks doc," Shepard pulled himself into a sitting position and prepared his legs. He had his casual Alliance wear on, and his cabin was set in his sights. He slowly put one leg down and then the other and just stood. After a few minutes of just standing, Colt decided that his legs would be fine and he started towards the med bay doors.

"One more thing Commander, your face is pretty badly bruised and it will be for awhile. I'm afraid that your charming face will look more like the underside of a warthog for awhile," Doctor Chakwas was grinning quietly. All Shepard could do was scowl back, and exit the med bay.

Colt was scrubbing at his face and not paying very much attention when he walked out of the med bay. In fact, he didn't notice the whole non-essential crew waiting in the mess hall. He stood just outside the med bay doors and arched his back in a stretch. Shepard contorted his features while yawning. Very slowly he opened his eyes, and found around ten pairs of eyes staring back at him. "So, how do I look?" Shepard asked everyone; he was trying hard not to smile.

"Let's just say they won't be putting your face on any magazines this week," someone shouted, he couldn't tell who.

Shepard chuckled a little until realization dawned on him, "Wait… what do you mean this week?" The mess hall went silent; his crew glanced at each other and very slowly a magazine was handed up through them until Shepard got a hold of it.

The cover had a decent picture of Shepard on it and the caption by his picture said, 'Commander Shepard: Intergalactic Play Boy?' Colt almost burst out laughing right there. His game had been worse than stagnate for a couple years. When he flipped it to the section about himself there were various pictures of him with the female members of the crew. The whole article was about how he was probably dating everyone and their mother. Shepard was barely keeping himself from cackling hysterically. Then an awful thought occurred to the commander: Had Liara seen this?

"Just when we thought that your ego would fill the entire Normandy and suffocate us all, this happens. Next edition will be a whole Magazine dedicated to," Garrus paused to take the magazine from Shepard's hands and used what was probably meant to be a girly voice, "Commander Shepard's warrior poet eyes. Mystery, romance, and raw sex appeal making up his irises." Everyone, including Shepard himself burst out laughing at the thought. It almost seemed like the Batarian incident was forgotten entirely, Colt was glad. Reopening old wounds wasn't at the top of his To-Do List.

"I think a magazine about my ass would be much more appealing," Shepard said through fits of laughter. "I should go. I'd love to sit and chat with everyone, but the doc told me that I need to rest today." Shepard said, heading towards his Commander cave. Before he entered, a thought struck him, "Garrus, why are you the one who seems to know the most about that article?"

…

"Shepard is so infuriating! I'm expecting him to walk out of here and talk to the crew about his kidnapping and what does he do? He talks about some dumb magazine!" Liara was in the med bay talking to Doctor Chakwas, she hoped to get information on Shepard's behavior.

"I know that it's frustrating when Shepard acts like nothing is wrong, but it helps him," Chakwas placed her hand on Liara's shoulder and gave her a comforting smile.

"How exactly does it help him, Doctor?" Liara was getting frustrated at the lack of straightforwardness she had been receiving.

"It's a coping mechanism. If you were put into a situation where something like that happened to you, would you want to talk to anyone about it, especially to your crew?" Liara was starting to understand, Chakwas' words made sense. "I think the best we can do for him is just be there when he needs us, pushing him for answers will only push him away," Chakwas gave Liara's shoulder a final pat before turning away to her terminal." I think you should go talk to him."


	10. Worry, With Love Thrown In

It had been two days since Shepard had gotten hurt and one day since Shepard and Liara's talk. Their conversation was shallow, but not uncomfortable. Neither of them mentioned his kidnapping, his brother, or the word 'Batarian.' At first Liara had been a little mad at Shepard for not talking about it and especially for acting like that his bruises existed because he had run into a wall while on a particularly difficult journey to find a midnight snack.

Nothing changed; Shepard continued to act like a thirty-year-old asari child and Liara continued to act like she knew what his jokes meant. The crew said nothing besides their usual banter with the Commander, and Liara felt like she had been dropped into an alternate universe. The talk with Chakwas helped Liara, but she still had some difficulty understanding Commander Shepard. Hands down, he was probably the most confusing person she had ever met. Also the most interesting. He was like a Prothean dig site that needed to be uncovered, analyzed, and appreciated. Unlike a Prothean dig site, however; Commander Shepard would probably never be understood with the passage of time.

"All combat crew please meet in the conference room," Shepard sounded so uncharacteristically normal over the Normandy's comm. system.

Liara could honestly say she had no idea what this was about, and she could tell that Doctor Chakwas felt the same when she shrugged her shoulders as Liara passed.

When she entered the comm. room, everyone looked just as confused as she was. Shepard's back was turned to them and ever so slowly he turned his body to face them. He looked serious; this was new. "We're being called back to the Citadel, people. I'm not sure what for, but this feels fishy."

"Shepard?" Tali's hesitant voice spoke up, "Can you please clarify what you mean by 'feels fishy'?"

Shepard looked at Tali thoughtfully and chuckled a little, "I keep forgetting that you guys don't know human speak. It means something isn't right. I can feel it in my gut. Don't worry though; it's probably just a tough piece of meat making me feel like this. Regardless, I just wanted to let everyone know why we were headed to the Citadel instead of Illos." The Commander turned his head around the room a little and then announced,"Crew dismissed." Liara caught Shepard on his way out.

"What do you think is going to happen on the Citadel?" Liara was concerned by Shepard's lack of jokes.

"I honestly have no idea, something is definitely odd. Hopefully it's just something stupid," Shepard gave Liara his trademark smile but something was… off.

…

"Those bastards!" Shepard roared. "After all we've done for Udina, this is what we get?" Liara decided it was best not to say anything. Knowing him he would probably cool down in about five minutes. "I'll kill him, Liara, I will eventually! And you know what? I'll enjoy it!" Shepard said as he was sitting on the ground by his combat locker.

"Shepard, do you think that perhaps you might be a little dramatic?" Liara was trying her very best to not laugh at his threat. She offered her hand to him.

"Absolutely not! What's so funny T'Soni?" Shepard was now grinning at Liara, his anger dissolving completely. He took her hand and was immediately pulled into Liara.

"You're just cute when you're mad. It didn't help that your threat sounded so serious," Liara grinned back at Shepard and for the first time in her life she was involuntarily grinning. She wasn't being told to do it for some politician, she wasn't being taught about the proper grin for the proper time, and she was simply grinning because she wanted to. It felt like liberation and Liara loved it.

She had stopped talking when she realized that her heart was in her mouth. Shepard was inches away and giving her a smile she had never seen before. It made her head feel weak and before she knew what was happening she felt herself start to lean into Shepard. Liara couldn't tell if he was getting closer to her or if she was getting closer to him, or even better a combination of the two. In fact they were so close now that Liara had reached the stage where she started to close her eyes.

"Commander, Anderson is requesting to speak to you," Joker's voice came over the intercom and he sounded disgustingly pleased with himself. Did Joker know what had almost happened? Liara blushed at the thought.

After Shepard muttered words that would make Wrex blush, he quickly apologized and left to talk to Anderson. Damn Joker and his intercom! Liara wondered if there was any way to convince Tali that a ship-wide intercom was detrimental to their mission.

…

No way was Shepard going to waste the opportunity Anderson gave him. His former Captain had staked his whole professional career on Shepard going to Illos. He knew that Anderson could be court marshaled for punching the councilor. It would probably be worth it.

When Anderson had given him the green light to go, Shepard all but rushed the cockpit to tell Joker to put the pedal to the metal, or whatever made the Normandy accelerate. Colt was always like this before a mission, he realized. His emotions came in three stages: the first was excitement, the second was gut-wrenching worry and the third was a calm. When he made it to the worry stage, he always thought that he would lose his cool, but that never happened. Right when he thought that he would stay in his worried state of mind, calmness took over him and nothing bothered him. During a fight he had no emotions; if he saw a mangled body it didn't affect him. Only after missions did he think about the horrors he had seen. The calm he felt was probably what made him a great soldier. In that mode he was willing to give up anything for the good of the mission, which was precisely why he worried about bringing Liara on missions. He was only slightly worried about the enemy hurting her, (he knew she could take care of herself) the thing that worried him the most was himself.

Shepard knew that if Liara dying was critical to mission success, he would let her die. He hated himself for it, the thought of how cold blooded he actually was made him almost vomit. To make maters worse, the subject of his worry was starting to walk towards him, a small smile on her face. Oh God. 

"Shepard, I think we should speak in the Commander cave," Liara asked Shepard.

"Of course, Liara," Shepard started walking towards his cabin.

Once inside Liara leaned against his desk and looked a little sick. "Uhh… Liara, are you okay?" Shepard was wondering if she had a migraine or something because her hand was covering he face. "Do I need to get Doctor Chakwas?" Shepard almost ran to his cabin door before a hand stopped him.

"I am fine Commander; I am just… concerned about the upcoming mission," Liara was now looking at him now; her eyes were a little watery.

"What are you worried about Liara? I mean I hear I'm pretty good with a gun," even Shepard's trademark grin could only produce a little smile from Liara.

"What if one of us is injured? What if one of us is killed? How do you know that you're not going to die?" Liara was now pacing his small cabin.

"Liara I know that because I'm scared. Commander Shepard is scared of dying. The day I'm not scared of death is the day I'll die and believe me, I'm scared right now. I'm scared for you and me, but that's good. It will make my aim sharper and my body more efficient," Shepard was trying desperately to make her feel better. She was almost to the point of tears and he wasn't sure he could keep himself together if that happened.

Liara stared at him for a couple seconds, probably trying to gauge if he really meant it. She seemed satisfied. "Shepard, let me stay with you until we reach the Mu Relay…please?" Liara was almost impossible to resist, what could he say?

"Alright Liara, you can stay. I could always use the company," Shepard gave her a smile; even he felt it was a bit fake.

"Thank you," she gave him a brilliant smile and slowly approached him. Neither one knew what happened but they ended up in a hug which turned into a heated kiss…

…

"Shepard, I just wanted to thank you before whatever happens," Liara said, they were sitting on the edge of Shepard's bed. The pair was putting on armor for the upcoming mission.

"What for Liara?" he momentarily stopped his actions to eye her, she was still putting on her armor.

"For everything," she replied glancing at him. Neither said a word for the rest of the time.


	11. An End, but Not Once and For All

It was never a good thing to be distracted during a fight. Shepard knew this and he was rarely, if ever, distracted. However, trying to ignore the gnawing guilt he felt from sending hundreds of humans to their deaths to save the council was shattering his concentration. Fighting Saren was a difficult task when the only thing he could think of was the blood on his hands. Being distracted from loss was not an unknown feeling.

The Council was made up of heartless little shits, but yet Colt had made the decision to save them. His reasoning being that they wouldn't forget that he had saved their asses. Perhaps down the line they could repay humanity in a big way.

The sight of Liara's blue biotic glow surrounding her pulled Shepard out of his reverie. Electric blue shot out from her with incredible deadly accuracy. The firepower she possessed naturally made Colt a little jealous at his lack of biotic gifts. For the casual observer, Liara would have been a formidable sight that seemed to be growing with power every second. To the Commander, she looked exhausted; he knew he would have to end this fight quickly.

He took deep breathes; clearing his cluttered mind was the first step towards victory. Each breathe stole him farther away from his over active conscious and more into the combat. In a matter of seconds, his body was lining up with Saren's movements. Everything was cleared away until there was only him and Saren. Death nor destruction existed, just the hunted and the hunter. With any luck he would be the hunter. The bastard darted around quickly, but Shepard was with him the whole time. Shepard's bullets hit with precision unique to N7 soldiers; they rarely missed. Clear, oily liquid oozed out of Saren more freely with each passing second. Colt let his bullets fly more frequently when it was clear that the Turian/ Reaper thing was slowing. Shot after shot pounded the Turian's frame.

Saren slowed down to normal speeds when it happened. Shepard was ready when Saren poked his head from cover. The human's sights were perfectly lined up with his opponents head, so he pulled the trigger. Clear, and black tarry liquid exploded onto the metal behind the Turian when a sizable hole blasted through his head. His entire body jerked backwards, and spread his unorganic blood all around him. Tiny bits of skull, brain, and black tar leaked onto the floor. Satisfaction took over Colt's brain when it became apparent that his gun had produced such an affect. One part of Shepard was disgusted by the sight, another part was thrilled.

…

Everything had been alright. Saren was dead and Shepard looked so relieved. It was a nice sight, a fantastic sight. It was something that she had never seen on his face. For a moment the world was okay, until Sovereign started falling towards the chambers they were in.

"Run!" Shepard screamed at Wrex and Liara. He was looking over his shoulder at the looming shadow while he ran. Unfortunately, Shepard was several hundred yards behind Liara and Wrex. How Shepard was supposed to not be crushed she did not know. But all logical thought drained from her when panic took over. The only thought that was in her mind was go. So she did, and never once looked back towards Shepard.

The ceiling was literally caving in right on top of Liara. Every time she would try to run one way, a huge piece of metal, or plaster, or combination of the two would fall in front of her, effectively blocking her path. In fact Liara was so panicked now that she was running blindly anywhere and failed to notice the rather large pieces of metal falling her way. Something grabbed the back of her shirt, and pulled her down. She fought with all her might and punched and scratched blindly, but the thing holding her down didn't seem to be affected.

"Liara! Calm down, it's me Wrex. Goddamit, if you keep attacking me I'm gonna let you get crushed," Wrex's voice immediately calmed Liara and for the first time she actually saw her surroundings. Wrex had managed to pull her into a small opening between pieces of metal and was holding her tight. His body trembled and shivered. Could it be that the great Krogan mercenary was a little bit scared? No, impossible, he was probably just trying to get Liara to stop hitting him.

"Wrex? Is Shepard here?" It was dark inside their little cave and Liara couldn't tell if the whole squad was grouped inside.

"Yah… about that. Shepard isn't in here and I haven't seen him since the whole damn ceiling started raining down," his voice was nervous like he expected Liara to start going crazy again.

Liara was seething, Shepard didn't just disappear when things went wrong. He wasn't supposed to be crushed by some piece of metal. Commander Shepard didn't just save the galaxy and not get to enjoy the peace he brought. He fought against a rogue Spectre, metal didn't hurt.

Her fury was quickly replaced by disgust. The quick exchange of emotions left her in stunned silence. How could she have left Shepard to fend for himself? How could she have thought only of herself? If there was one thing she should've first learned from her mother and then Shepard, it would be the art of selflessness.

Liara could have been sitting with Wrex for hours or minutes, she didn't know. Time was irrelevant. She clung to Wrex like he was her only life line. He said nothing.

Liara heard movement on the outside of their now entirely enclosed cave of metal. She was glad; a fight would take her mind off things. A biotic corona started to spin around her right hand as the shuffling grew closer. Wrex was also starting to shift around, a good sign that there were hostiles close.

"It's Anderson, anybody in there?" The Captain's voice was just on the other side of a piece of metal that enclosed Liara.

"Yes, yes! Doctor T'Soni and Wrex are in here," Liara called out; her voice sounded weak even to herself. The sound of metal against metal stung Liara's ears.

"Where's Shepard?" Anderson asked, he was looking all around their sad dwelling. She had dreaded this moment. Telling other people that she had failed Shepard and had allowed him to be crushed was almost as bad as the thought of her boyfriend being dead. She couldn't even look Anderson in the face, but she did hear a soft gasp escape him. Anderson looked as dazed as Liara felt, but he still somehow helped Liara and Wrex out of the alcove.

Light hit Liara in the face and she blinked hard, not entirely registering that everything was completely destroyed around her. When she did open her eyes, nothing clicked. She looked at wreckage but did not see it. Her only thought was Shepard; there wasn't any room left in her brain to worry about the decimated Citadel. Somehow a small light of hope was lit in her chest; after all she had not seen him getting crushed.

A little off in the distance, the whine of shifting metal started. The sudden sound carried with it the hope of an asari. Liara prayed to anyone who would listen that it was Shepard. Her mind screamed, and screeched at her to run to the sound but her body remained immobile. The entire galaxy stopped everything to see if its savior would emerge. A mix of worry, shame, longing, and emotions she did not know bubbled into every piece of her until the sensation dwarfed every other bad emotion she had ever felt.

A few more seconds of movement could be heard until a lone figure appeared at the top of a metal pile. It was him. That gut wrenching feeling was gone. The worst thing she had ever felt was surpassed by the best thing she had ever felt.

Shepard looked serious as he surveyed the area, but when his eyes reached the trio, a huge grin spread across his face. Relief was a mild word for what Liara was going through.

When Shepard started stumbling down the hill, she was moving. She rushed towards him, completely ignoring the calls from Anderson to be careful. Everything besides her human target blended into silver streaks and blobs. With little care, Liara raced over metal sticking up haphazardly. She reached Shepard in an impressive amount of time and crashed into him. Both of them nearly went over backwards from the impact. Her hands were thrown across him in a hug in an effort to confirm that he was indeed alive. "Hey, hey. Its okay, I'm okay. I won't be though if you continue to squash my broken arm." Shepard was returning the hug the best he could with only one hand.

"Oh Goddess, I'm sorry Shepard. I ju-just thought you were dead," Liara immediately pulled back and started to inspect Shepard. She was satisfied when his worst injury appeared to be his arm.

"The universe will have to do better than a piece of metal to do me in," he gave her a smile and a reassuring pat on the back. "Really, I'm okay." Anderson and Wrex were almost to the pair.

"Shepard, I think you're the only person who could survive the sky falling," Anderson walked up to Shepard and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"Chicken Little sure got a run for his money," the two humans shared a good laugh while Liara and Wrex stared dumbly at them.

"In all seriousness Colt, how are you?" Anderson asked the human Spectre.

"I'm so damn tired, it's like all the tiredness I should've felt over the course of this mission has finally caught up to me. On the bright side, however; I get to go on shore leave now," Shepard winked at Liara, and she turned away embarrassed. Anderson looked between the two but said nothing more.

"Come on guys, I think its time to go," Anderson said while he turned away. No one paid attention to the destruction around them.


	12. Thessia Vacation

Day One

"Look at these ruins Shepard! How could the Protheans build something so...wonderful, and leave so little behind?" Liara T'Soni asked, staring in wonder at a large edifice that towered over her. It was more than fifty thousand years old and yet it looked almost pristine. Liara expected to find nothing in there, of course, but no ever said she couldn't admire the structure itself.

"It's very nice Liara," Shepard said in a forced voice. When Liara turned around to ask him what that was all about, she found that he was completely turned around and not even looking at the ruins.

"What's your favorite part of it Shepard? The way it curves to the left or its white surface?" Liara was a little more than slightly agitated.

"I like how it curves to the left, the white paint is just a bonus," Shepard was still talking in that distant voice, he seemed to be looking at something in the distance.

"That's interesting because it seems to be painted black and curving right," she knew this would get Shepard to turn around.

"I'm sorry Liara," he turned slowly, "I just thought I saw something, but it turns out I'm just crazy." He did quite a good job of looking shameful, so Liara decided to let him off the hook.

"Tell me something I don't know," she turned back around to hide the smile that plastered her face. She heard sobbing behind her and once again turned back around. How did Shepard manage to hurt himself on friendly Thessia? "Shepard, what's wrong?"

"I just never thought this day would come," he was still sobbing and Liara had absolutely no idea about what he was talking about. "Let the records show that Liara T'Soni made her first joke today," Shepard was peeking one eye out from behind his hands, showing that he wasn't crying at all.

Liara couldn't help but laugh at the whole thing, "You're a good actor, Colt. I actually thought you had gotten hurt." She didn't mean to use his first name, but it just came out. She glanced nervously at Shepard expecting him to be upset by the use of his first name, but he was still grinning like an idiot. Thank the Goddess he was so hard to offend. "Come on, let's go see the ruins."

"Yes ma'am," he then proceeded to do the sloppiest salute she had ever seen. The ruins weren't too far away, which was good because Shepard wasn't supposed to over use his right leg for a couple days. He had broken his left arm and sprained his right ankle, both were healed in a day, but the doctors wanted to make sure that he didn't aggravate his ankle. They were allowed to take a four day vacation before Shepard had to get ready for a new assignment.

Liara had been to many, many Prothean ruins and never grew tired of them. She knew that there wouldn't be anything new, but she liked to think about how she was currently walking somewhere that Protheans had walked.

"So what do you expect to find in here?" They were finally in the ruins and Shepard glanced all around their surroundings.

"Nothing," Liara knew that her answer would only frustrate Shepard, but it was the truth.

"You sure this is the thing you want to do on our vacation? I mean finding nothing sounds fantastic but I don't know… we could always just stay in our hotel," Shepard was right beside her when he said that and when Liara turned to look at him, he waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

"As appealing as that sounds, I've never been to these ruins and-," Liara stopped talking when Shepard had whipped his head around and was staring intently behind them.

As quietly as possible Liara asked, "What's wrong Shepard?"

"I just thought I heard something, sorry. Please continue," he said.

That's how their day went. Liara wondered around the ruins, examining anything she thought was interesting, while Shepard tried his very best to look interested.

…

Day Two

"The object of the game is to get this ball into the other person's portion of the field. Whoever gets it into the goal the most wins," Colt and Liara were in a park on Thessia. After many attempts to teach Liara about American football, Shepard had slowly eliminated different rules until it was just: get the ball past your opponent and into the goal.

"That makes a lot more sense than your previous renditions of the rules," Liara replied, still clearly not convinced that humans played such a confusing game.

"Well half the fun of football is trying to understand what's happening," he said. "You can have the ball first as you're the lady." Liara took the ball from Colt's hands and grinned evilly at him. "Umm… Liara maybe I didn't make this clear, but another rule of the game is to not kill you opponent."

"Don't worry," she said simply, and then turned towards her side of the field. Colt was starting to have doubts about teaching Liara.

T'Soni was in position, as was Colt,so he called out for the game to begin. Almost immediately Liara charged towards Shepard, an easy block. She was about two feet from him when her hand glowed with blue energy. Oh shit. Liara had lost her mind. Sure he was Commander Shepard, but his insides didn't take a liking to being warped. Blue energy hit him and he rose up in the air paralyzed. He spun around in the air and watched Liara run past him into his goal. She did this weird little dance (it was actually really cute but Shepard refused to be distracted) and it went on for a long time. Finally she stopped and the pull he had gotten sucked into disappeared and he fell to the ground in a storm of swear words.

"That was cheating!" Shepard said after he managed to stagger on to his feet.

"You never said I couldn't use biotics, so I just simply used all my resources," Colt tried hard to keep up his angry aurora, but it was nearly impossible with Liara in such a good mood.

Shepard used a very scientific voice when he said, "I liked your victory dance, however. I can certainly see why asari are dancers."

…

Day Three

Doctor T'Soni couldn't wait to use the hot tub in their hotel and she was sure Shepard wouldn't complain either. "The hot tub looks really nice, I think we should go." The couple was sitting on the couch watching television, but Liara had her sights set on convincing Colt of the hot tub's superiority to the couch.

Shepard turned his body slightly and looked at her, "Is that so? I think I might need some more convincing. The news is pretty interesting."

Liara was running her hand up and down Shepard's arm, "Well, let's see. I'll be in a bathing suit-."

"Let's go right now!" He yelled.

"Sounds like a plan, let me get ready," Liara got up to get her bathing suit and left a very happy Colt on the couch.

The trip to the pool was very uneventful since the pair had put on clothes over their swim suits, although Shepard did keep glancing around as if he expected Geth to fly out of nearby potted plants. It was kind of a weird time to be vacationing, so there weren't lots of other guests. The hot tub looked as luxurious as Liara had imagined it would be. Settling in it was a little difficult because of the temperature but all was soon forgotten when she turned around to look for Colt. He was currently taking off his shirt and she couldn't do anything besides stare. When he looked up and saw her staring, a massive smile lit his whole face.

"You know it's impolite to stare," Shepard got into the hot tub next to Liara and pulled her close.

Liara was too embarrassed to say anything besides, "The bubbles are relaxing."

"Yah, just wait until I turn on the hot tub's bubbles," Shepard fell silent and the realization of his sentence's implications suddenly dawned on Liara. Oh Goddess. "That was a joke Liara."

…

Day Four

"We won't be out long, dad. I promise I'll take care of Alex," Shepard was talking to his dad.

"Fine, but don't stay out past dark, you know what New York is like," his father replied, placing a massive hand on Shepard's shoulder.

...

"Look," Colt's little brother pointed happily at a fire truck that passed them over head. All the other children on the playground also looked up happily.

"We better get going, buddy. Daddy will worry about us," he replied, scooping up his sibling.

…

"Shepard, wake up!" Shepard opened his eyes and realized that Liara was shaking him.

"Hey, I'm okay. I just had a bad dream," Shepard sat up in the hotel's bed and peered around the room, just to make sure it was real life.

"You were mumbling and thrashing around," Liara looked down at him, concern written all over her face.

"It was just a dream; let's not let it ruin our last day of vacation. I was thinking that we need to take pictures today," Shepard was getting ready for the day now.

Liara had taken around a thousand photos of Colt before he decided that they needed a photo with both of them in it. The first pictures were of Shepard kissing Liara on the cheek but that changed to arms over the shoulder and that type of thing. Once Shepard had sat down on a rock all by himself and Liara had managed to take an unusual picture of him. He was usually smiling or doing something stupid in pictures but in this one he was looking to his right with the saddest expression Liara had ever seen. She almost deleted it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This chapter was difficult to write. Sorry for the delay but it was hard trying to decide on what Liara and Shepard would do on vacation. I mean Shepard was usually killing and blowing stuff up, not sipping on a margarita in paradise. I actually wrote a couple chapters that started after this one because of the difficulty I had.


	13. The Problem with Space

"So… how did you like our little vacation?" Colt asked Liara. The couple was curled up together on his bed. They had returned to the Normandy a day ago from their Thessia vacation.

"It was lovely, Colt. Especially taking photos," she replied, while leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. They were both on their backs with their hands and fingers locked together. Liara's smooth thumb was going in lazy circles over his calloused hand.

He turned his head sideways and looked her over, "You don't seem like someone who would like their picture being taken."

"Are you calling me ugly, Commander?" Liara's eyebrows raised at him. Holy shit balls. This was like Code Red in the levels of what not to say. His foot was so far down his throat that it was an actual possibility it might come out of his ass.

"Of course not, Liara! I didn't-that did not come out right. Let me start again. You're just shy and stuff. You know, like camera-shy," Shepard could feel his cheeks burning up. Seconds felt like hours as he waited for her reply.

"I'm kidding...Buuuut I think you're going to have to buy me back with a kiss, so I definitely know that I'm not ugly," she said. Colt happily obliged by turning on his side and kissing her cheek. A sly, content smile etched across her features. A sudden urge to be nearer made him pull her closer. He nestled her under his chin and threw his arm over her shoulder. Her warm breathe against his neck and chest sent shivers down his spine. Liara's arm snaked around his waist.

It was a good place to be.

After a few moments of just enjoying it, he said, "I think I need to go buy a new heart after that scare-,"

"Unidentified vessel located eighty clicks away. Protective clothing recommended," the ship's VI interrupted. Shepard took a moment to gather his thoughts before he scrambled out of bed. He needed to get his armor on and then activate the distress signal. After that he would have to keep their offensive and defensive countermeasures running smoothly. He pulled Liara up sharply and shouted, "Liara, go to the armory and get your breather on! Quickly!" He stayed long enough to make sure she understood before he headed out for his first objective.

...

Liara started towards the armory when the Normandy's alarms started going off. Previously unnoticed lightbulbs flashed red and wailed their songs of danger. The VI alerted, "Unidentified ship sixty seven clicks from this vessel. All personnel need to have protective clothing on. All personnel head to battle stations."

Liara broke into an all out blind sprint for the armory as the sirens seemed to increase in noise. Fellow crew mates were also doing the same, in fact three rather brutal looking collisions took place. She didn't stop to help.

Panic prickled her mind. It suggested taking a course that involved losing all control. Instead of giving in, however, Liara willed herself to maintain her right mind.

The entire armory was engulfed in chaos when she entered. Everyone was trying to get their protective gear on quickly using shaky hands and foggy minds. Her previous repressed feelings of panic bubbled up with everyone else's rising tide of terror. The stench of fear hung in the air and allowed bile to rise in her throat. Every part of her begged to give in the dread that was running loose through the ranks. Her mind was no longer keen on keeping a level head. But her months in combat had taught her something about remaining calm, so she clung to the strained tether of rationality. It was a loose hold, but it was something.

She changed into her suit in record breaking times before she turned all of her attention on the Shepard Search. The emergency voice once again boomed across the ship, "Warning, Warning: Unidentified ship is approaching on an intercept trajectory. All personnel must have on breather suits."

Determination to find the Spectre flowed through every vein in her body. She flew from the armory blindly before her brain reminded her to pick a destination. He would most likely be preparing a distress beacon, so she headed for its location by the Med-Bay.

"Enemy projectile launched. Prepare for impact," the VI's calm voice said. The entire ship rocked violently to one side, throwing the asari into the metal wall. The preprogrammed voice came over the intercom again, "Hostile ship detected. All cre-." The voice was cut off by the ship rocking to its side again and the screech of metal being ripped away from itself. "Warning, Warning: Multiple hull breaches, kinetic barriers are down, and weapons are offline."

Liara raced fate to Colt's position.

Crew members streamed past her with wide, bright, fear filled eyes. The need to escape was feral in nature, causing everyone to do rather than think. Liara ran into someone, causing both to fly backwards. The asari jumped back to her feet and was off again on the Colt Hunt. She had no idea if the other person ever got up.

Joker's evasive maneuvers tossed Liara into walls and very nearly into the ground. It was a good thing that she was wearing armor.

Liara paid little attention to her surroundings until Ashley caught her by the arm. "Joker won't get out of the cockpit. Where's Shepard? I need to tell him!"

"Don't worry, I'll tell him, just get to an escape pod!" Liara yelled. Ashley nodded and ran off again, calling to crew members to follow.

She kept running and did her absolute best to ignore the screams of her fellow crew mates as they burned to death or died in an explosion. On one occasion she saw someone engulfed in flames screech at the top of their lungs and collapse to the floor. Parts of the a Mess Hall carpeting were hard to stay balanced on as they were slick with liquids. It was unclear if the source was blood or something else.

Liara found Colt exactly where she thought he would be, prepping a distress beacon for the Normandy.

"Shepard, we have to go!" Liara pulled on her breather helmet and watched in relief as he did the same. Like a bolt of lightening, what Ashley said flashed through her mind,"Joker won't leave the cockpit!"

"The beacon is ready for launch. Liara, get to an escape pod!" He yelled. An explosion to her right knocked Liara off balance but he caught her. "You need to get the crew to escape pods, I'll get Joker!" He started to charge away.

"Shepard, I'm not leaving you!" She screamed after him. Liara had decided long ago that she wouldn't leave him for anything.

"You have to go! Don't worry about me, the Alliance will come and get all the escape pods eventually. I'll hall Joker's ass out of here, but I can't be useful if I know that you're not safe. Go!" Colt pleaded.

"Shepard!" She couldn't say anything else.

"You have to get out here Liara, you have to go now!" Liara knew that tone of voice and didn't argue. She ran back towards the escape pods.

…

Shepard launched the distress beacon, and went as fast as he could to the cockpit. His whole ship was in ruins. Cables hung everywhere, electricity sparked, and fires raged wildly. He didn't see anybody dead, thank God, but he did walk over soggy carpeting that was coated with crimson. He trotted up the stairs and wondered what would be beyond the doors.

The Normandy was so utterly destroyed that he could see the stars and the glow of a nearby planet. A huge, gaping hole was in the roof of his ship. Maybe he would've thought the view was nice if they weren't getting the shit blown out of them.

Walking in zero gravity was a slow process and the vacuum of space allowed him only to hear his own elevated breathing. A long, tedious, scary stroll through his obliterated ship eventually led him to the cockpit. The outline of Joker showed his hands flying around on a console. "Joker, we have to go!" Shepard was glancing around hoping that the ship wouldn't do another attack.

"No, the Normandy is still salvageable," Joker yelled back, still staring at his screen.

"The Normandy is dead, Joker. It would be stupid of us to join her. Come on, we can still get to an escape pod," Shepard didn't wait for an answer as he grabbed Joker's arm and yanked him out of his chair.

"Geez Commander, take it easy," Joker was now wobbling towards the escape pod with Shepard in tow.

"I don't have time to be gentle! Hurry!" Shepard was tempted to pick Joker up, but refrained from doing so, his reasoning being Vrolick's Syndrome.

The escape pod was just a few feet from the cockpit and in a few agonizing seconds they were there. Shepard shoved Joker in, and started pulling himself in when an explosion behind him pulled him backwards out of the pod. Terrifying seconds ticked by as he twisted violently through space. His hands darted out to try and grab anything that would prevent him from being stranded. The Commander's left hand collided with what felt like metal, so he grabbed it with all his might. The lack of gravity made holding on a difficult task.

The enemy ship's laser-like weapon started another attack that left the cockpit torn in half. Its destructive path wouldn't stop there. Any longer and it would rip through Joker's escape pod. The button to launch the pod was right next to Colt. The decision was easy.

He looked at Joker, sent out a silent prayer, and then slammed his hand into the button. The pod's doors sealed completely and then propelled away at blinding speeds.

Space leeched in from every direction. He looked around peacefully for a minute, watching the bits of his ruined ship handle zero gravity. He even took a moment to think about his floating.

An explosion behind him ripped the metal out of grasp entirely. Its sheer force sent him backwards easily. His body crashed into something hard before he careened to the left. There was nothing nearby to hold onto, so he accepted space's cold embrace.

He hit his head pretty hard in the explosion, but aside from that Shepard was no worse for wear. If the Alliance arrived soon then he would be rescued before entering the nearby planet's atmosphere. How perfec-,"Warning: Your oxygen levels are depleting quickly. Recommend checking your oxygen hose." Shit. 

 

…

Liara was worried about Colt. Not too worried however, he was very capable in situations such as this. She was on an escape pod with Doctor Chakwas and a few other crew members she didn't remember the names of. They sat in silence and stared at anything but each other until Doctor Chakwas' omni-tool pinged and came to life.

"What's happening, doc?" One of Liara's crew mates said.

"I programmed it to take biological readings for each of the ground team. Someone must be hurt if it went off," she said. Everyone in the small pod looked at Liara.

Before anyone could say anything a voice sounded from Chakwas' omni-tool, "Commander Colt Shepard's vitals are dropping, recommend immediate medical attention."

Doctor Chakwas' brows furrowed together as she pressed a few buttons on her omni-tool. "Commander, it's Doctor Chakwas, can you hear me?"

A few heavy breaths later and Shepard replied,"I read you doc…I'm not doing too well." No one said a word.

"My oxygen hose is," a few labored breaths, "ruptured." Liara felt numb. This wasn't something that was allowed to happen. Commander Shepard didn't die. He emerged with a broken arm and a concussion, but he certainly didn't die. Death wasn't lucky enough to get someone like him.

"Damn...it's gettin hard...breathe," he rasped. The asari couldn't agree more.

"Shepard, listen to me…," Chakwas said sternly back to him before she was cut off.

"No, just tell me something nice, don't let me die in silence," Shepard replied, his breathing getting heavier.

He was fine. They were nestled into each other an hour ago. Nope. This didn't happen to heroes. This didn't happen to Colt.

"Liara is here Commander," Chakwas kept her voice steady despite the tears now free falling.

"Liara?" Movement could be heard on Shepard's end. "God…hope…I suffocate before… enter atmo."

Chakwas' omni-tool started talking again, "Commander Colt Shepard's vitals are reaching critical levels. Immediate medical attention is required."

Liara spoke up, "Please don't leave." She didn't sound like herself.

"So…sorry," Shepard's gasped.

His breather suit could be heard in the background,"Oxygen levels at one percent. Return to hospitable conditions." Shepard's breathes were shallow and slowing down. "Oxygen levels now at zero percent."

No response indicated that Shepard was probably unconscious by now. Doctor Chakwas's omni-tool went off once more, "Commander Colt Shepard needs immediate medical attention. Oxygen depletion will cause permanent brain damage if not treated in three minutes." 

Chakwas looked up from her omni-tool towards Liara, "If-if I could t..turn the pod around... I would trade anything to be a-able to go back."

Shepard hyper-ventilated for a couple of minutes and then…nothing. "Commander Colt Shepard requires emergency restart of the heart."

Liara's future was as cold and dead as Commander Shepard.


	14. A Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This chapter involves suicide. This may be triggering to some people. Viewer discretion is advised.

"Welcome back," Admiral Hackett smiled warmly at Captain Hannah Shepard. He hadn't smiled so sincerely in far too long. Having a dear friend come back into his life almost made up for the one that had gone out of it.

The Captain had been declared missing in action for longer than a decade. Her status change from MIA to alive and well was due to one of his N7 teams rescuing her from Batarians located in the Terminus. After years of just missing Hannah by mere minutes, they finally got the drop on her captives. It was nothing short of a resounding victory.

She had been saved months ago, but had only just been released from her reintegration program. According to the best the Alliance had to offer, she was well adjusted and ready to rejoin life as a well respected officer. It was comforting to know that at least one Shepard would still be on watch.

The timing of her return could be viewed as a blessing or a curse. Hackett himself couldn't be more pleased by her arrival, but her view on the whole situation was probably far different from his. Or would be when she found out.

He had known her for thirty years, their first meeting taking place on Arcturus Station. She had been a young cadet training to be an officer while he had been her instructor. Hannah proved to be nothing short of a gifted leader. In fact, she probably would've been more famous for her prowess in battle had she not been eclipsed by her son. She didn't seem to mind the lack of fame, however. She had never been one for the spotlight.

"It's nice to be back, Steven...How long was I gone exactly? Time got twisted," she said. She was very thin, too thin. Batarian prisons weren't exactly breaking new ground in the nutritional department.

"Twelve years," he replied. Hackett had to suppress a head shake. Losing years and years of life was a chilling proposition, even for someone as battle hardened as he.

"That would mean that Rowan is forty eight, Alex would be sixteen, and Colt would be twenty eight... I've missed so much of their lives," Hannah's voice gradually decreased in confidence. Her eyes fell from his face and landed on her own folded hands.

"Where do they live? Do you have everyone's address? What are Colt and Alex doing? I imagine Colt is probably doing something with animals; Alex is probably some tech consultant," Hannah's words were rushed with excitement. Her once dull eyes were now bright and bursting with life. He tried not to think about the fact that his own words, his own voice were about to destroy her happiness.

He barely contained a sad sigh, "Captain…Some things changed while you were gone."

…

Liara sat on a couch, in an apartment. A faint memory of Doctor Chakwas taking her here ghosted her thoughts before leaving permanently. Glimpses of her escape pod's rescue by an Alliance frigate were kind enough to take her thoughts away from Colt's...thing, if only for a little while.

The apartment was disgusting, albeit relatively intact. Its walls were caked with dirt and Goddess knows what else. The carpeting hadn't been cleaned in years, if the cereal ground into it was any indicator. It was gross and grimy, and Liara loved it. Its musty odor and gloomy atmosphere complemented her mood nicely. The couch was uncomfortable and sticky, but that didn't matter much. All her focus was on an object on the table in front of her.

Colt demanded that she learn how to use a gun and had given her a Judgment pistol to do so. She knew enough to locate its major components. She knew enough to know where the safety was. The irony of using a pistol called the Judgement was not lost on Liara.

Several times she had reached for it and had just felt the cool metal in her hand. For some reason its temperature reassured her. Did he feel the same numbness as he passed?

Closing her eyes was not a comfort. Instead of reassuring her or allowing everything to fall back into perspective, the darkness only conjured his image. Colt. Her plan never felt more right.

Life without him was... No. It just simply wasn't an option. That wasn't supposed to happen. People just didn't die in the middle of their lives. They had clear beginnings, well-planned middles, and good ends. They lived up right to their expiration date. People in movies died young and violently. Commander Shepard wasn't ever supposed to die. It just wasn't like him.

Liara wasn't supposed to have anything bad happen to her. She studied hard, worked hard, and tried to be a good person. Plus, she paid off her sins with Benezia.

He just wasn't allowed to die. Good people weren't supposed to die. Not like that, not so young.

They were supposed to fall in deeper love and wake up everyday next to each other. They were supposed to support each other, joke around, have a life together. This, whatever this was, was not how things were supposed to end.

Liara picked up the pistol and studied it a second. Its elegant curves reminded her of Asari architecture. Human ingenuity and asari beauty made for a fitting end.

Once again, she closed her eyes. The barrel's migration to her temple only seemed natural. She found that the barrel was as cold as the handle.

…

She realized on her way to the apartment that there just wasn't a whole lot left.

Karin Chakwas had spent years being a well constructed scaffold for one of her dearest friends. Supreme Overlord of the Worry Nation, Ruler of the Needles, Stabby McStabbins, and mother to a crew of misfits were all titles that had been taken from her in minutes. Ripped from her. Now there was just the skeleton of a once-great scaffold next to an empty lot that used to hold great expectations. The change from a support beam to an easily forgotten member of a dead hero's crew was disturbing to say the least.

She didn't hate anyone before. Disliked sure, but never hate. Chakwas didn't hate anyone, not even Saren. Until now.

But what was she supposed to hate? Did she hate the thing that had obliterated her home and killed him, or something entirely different? Did she hate fate, the Alliance, him, or herself? There was a myriad of people and things that deserved all the hate she could muster.

She knew what he was like. That was the worst part. She knew that he would die to save the ship and his crew. She knew and she didn't try to prevent that from happening. A well intentioned reminder that he was far too important to die, an order, a tight hold, anything. Anything that stopped this. She should've forced him to get into an escape pod. He was her responsibility. He had needed her and Chakwas let him die.

There just wasn't a whole lot of anything anymore.

People, she didn't remember who, used to tell her to look on the bright side of bad situations. They told her to find the stars at night. It had worked in every terrible position the doctor found herself in. But this was the exception, which made sense because he was always the exception.

There was no silver-lining. There was nothing even remotely okay about this. Nothing was ever okay with a twenty-eight year old dying. It was a pointless exercise to try and find the good in the wake of his death.

The only thing that could perhaps be viewed as good was that the Alliance had left Liara alone. They had just held a formal inquiry into the death of Commander Colt Shepard and they had called everyone in his crew in, all except Liara. Chakwas knew that eventually they would need to talk to the shaken asari, but for now she had been left alone. If they had interviewed her about it...Karin didn't want to think about it.

Chakwas finally reached the front door of the Citadel apartment she took Liara to. It was ratty and generally unfit for anyone, but she couldn't find anything else.

When the human entered the apartment, everything was eerily quiet. "Liara! I'm back!" she called out, hoping to coax the asari out. No reply, so she continued to the main room of the grungy apartment. She saw Liara sitting on the couch and breathed a sigh of relief. For a few long moments she had been concerned that the asari had left in some sort of grief induced haze. That had seemed plausible seeing as Doctor T'Soni hadn't spoken a word since...it.

"There you are. I got some food for us," Karin said as cheerily as she could. Liara needed someone strong and if that meant ignoring her own wounds, she would.

A lack of an answer compelled the doctor to move closer. Alarm bells screeched at full bore once she noticed that the asari had a hand to her head. "Liara, are you okay?" She asked gently.

The asari sprung up from the couch and turned around to face Chakwas. She had a gun to her temple, while a surprised look stretched across her face. The young maiden glowed with biotic energy. Karin's mind went blank with horror for a second. She had not seen this coming. "Liara, hold on a minute. I think you should think about this," Chakwas spoke as firmly as she could, her wits flowing back to her. She raised her hands in the air to indicate she meant no harm.

Liara looked at Chakwas as if the human doctor were just a hallucination. "Don't do this. What would Shepard say if he knew what was happening?" Karin said. Although Chakwas had been to basic training many, many years ago she was fully prepared to tackle Liara.

Karin should've seen this coming. Liara didn't seem like someone who was impulsive, but she still should've watched her more closely.

"That's the point, he isn't here. It doesn't matter what he would say because he can't say it now," Liara replied, her voice scratchy and rough.

"I knew Colt for a long time, Liara. I know that he wouldn't have wanted you to waste your life. You know that too," Karin said softly. She saw Liara's eyes grow clearer, so she pressed on. "People care about you. Don't do this to them," Karin stepped towards the asari as lightly as possible. She tried to keep her voice low and her movements sluggish as to prevent startling Liara.

She just stood there and stared at Chakwas, seemingly going through the human woman's words. "Don't do this to me," Karin murmured.

Liara opened her mouth like she wanted to say something before it quivered shut. Her eyes became glassy and they seemed to beg for something that no one could give her. The asari's pretty head bobbed ever so slightly before nodding with more confidence. Chakwas didn't want to jump the gun, so to speak, but it seemed like the war had passed.

The hand holding the gun trembled before it came crashing down to Liara's side. Karin had somehow managed to convince the asari to win a battle neither of them wanted to participate in.

Maybe this wasn't fair and maybe it wasn't right, but it was their reality now. It was their shared hell and Chakwas was going to get Liara through it. She owed him that much. It was an important lesson for Karin. She learned that while something good was gone, there was still other things worth sticking around for. Maybe there wasn't a whole lot left, but there was still something.

Liara gently placed the gun on the table in front of her. She slouched down before her body made the decision to crash to her knees. Karin rushed forward and caught her before she could completely fall, moving the gun far away while she did so.

The asari clung to Chakwas like she was the only thing anchoring her to the world. She buried her head into the human's shoulder before choking sobs rattled her entire body. "He was alive and well only three days ago. How'd he go from completely fine to dead?" Liara whispered in between sobs. Nothing Karin could say would make it any better.


	15. Eyes

"Captain, perhaps you should sit for this," Hackett told Hannah, gesturing towards a seat in front of his desk.

"Why? Is there a lot of information I should be writing down? Can I get a notepad?" Hannah leaned forward. She would have been jumping up and down in excitement if she had not been so professional.

"I don't think you'll need a notepad for this," Hackett replied, already thinking about the half a bottle of scotch he could drink later tonight.

"What do you mean, Sir?" she asked, still oblivious to the situation in which she was currently in.

"I have some…sad news about your family. I really think you should sit down," Hackett was getting a little annoyed at her refusal to sit, but she obeyed him and sat. "There is no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to it. My records are showing that in twenty one seventy one, your husband," Hackett took in a large breath," burned to death in a house fire."

The room was eerily silent and Hackett watched as Hannah's face went completely blank; no more excitement.

"He was in the residence that you still have on your papers listed as your home. I'm sorry but they had to demolish it," Hackett had known that he would have to tell her horrible news about her family but hadn't realized that he also had to tell her that she was homeless.

"Wh-what about my boys?" Hannah asked, her voice was thick with emotion.

"Alexander Shepard was killed in twenty one seventy five on a colony called Elysium. Well, technically he is still missing because Batarian slavers kidnapped him," Hackett told the Captain- years of having to do this sort of thing made his voice strong and unwavering. Sometimes he hated this job.

"Colt?" Hackett could tell that she was on the verge of breaking down in tears.

"Three days ago, his ship, the SSV Normandy, was attacked by an unknown enemy. He went down with her," Hackett knew that this would put her over the edge but surprisingly she just stared at him, no emotion. "He's a hero, Hannah. Look anywhere and you can see posters of him and people singing his praise. Around a month ago he saved the entire Citadel; he saved millions."

"Colt's in the Alliance?" the Captain managed.

"Yes, he is-was Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel. He was the first human Spectre. He was one of the best soldiers the Alliance has ever seen," Hackett tried his very best to make her loss better.

"The funeral?" she choked out.

"The memorial is scheduled the day after tomorrow. It's going to take place on the Citadel," Hackett would be attending and giving his usual speech about how Shepard was a credit to humanity but everyone still needed to live their lives.

"Where do I go?" Hannah asked, it was a fair question considering she was now homeless.

"Look, you're going to be compensated from Colt's death by the Alliance. I don't handle that, so I'm not sure how much, but at least a few hundred thousand creds," Hackett explained." I imagine that you will probably be compensated for Philip's death. I'm not sure about Alexander's kidnapping, but at the end of it you'll have some money, as in enough to buy another house. If you don't, contact me and I'll take care of it."

"Thank you, sir," she mumbled, still looking very dazed.

"The Alliance takes care of its own, but if you're wondering where to go right now, I can give you a few suggestions," He grabbed a pad from his desk and started jotting down an address and name. "I would go to the Citadel and go to the address I'm writing down now. This is the apartment of one Doctor Karin Chakwas and Doctor Liara T'Soni, they were close to Shepard and I'm sure they'll get you situated."

She only nodded and took the paper from him.

"Do you need transportation to the Citadel Captain?" Colt had given too much to not have his relatives taken care of.

"Yes."

…

Liara hadn't left her apartment in days. She tried once but within two minutes she had seen a picture of Shepard and she had to go back. The main vid screen in the apartment was rarely on, and when it was a kid's show playing. Liara wouldn't be able to watch the news when Shepard's face was painted all over it.

Doctor Chakwas was very helpful; she brought Liara food and kept her company all day. Neither said much but just being there was enough. Liara knew that Colt's memorial was coming up, but she kept debating with herself about going. Some days she was determined to honor Shepard and other days she didn't think she would be able to make it through the ceremony. She was probably supposed to make a speech about him, but all of her agreed that was out of the question.

Outside a couple windows, posters featuring Commander Shepard were everywhere. They were recruitment posters with him doing everything from shooting at an unknown enemy to talking to his crew; Liara thought she saw one of her hands in one poster. The wording was different on every poster but it was essentially the same thing: join the Alliance and become a hero like Commander Shepard! She had to wonder if Shepard would have been okay with his appearance being used in recruitment posters.

"Liara! What do you want for dinner?" Chakwas called from some other room in the apartment.

"I don't kn-," Liara called back before being interrupted by someone buzzing the apartment. "I'll get it!" she yelled into the house, hoping Karin could hear her. Liara didn't think about who could have been at the door, she just opened it.

Liara found herself staring into the eyes of Commander Shepard.


	16. Like Mother, Like Son

Liara thought she would never, ever see those eyes again. It took her a moment to realize that the features surrounding the eyes were distinctly feminine. The familiar eyes were also bloodshot, something she had never seen on Colt.

"You must be Doctor T'Soni," the woman's voice was hoarse, "I was told that you may be able to help me."

Liara didn't respond for awhile. She tried to, she really did, but her jaw just moved uselessly. After a long moment, she managed, "Please come in."

Liara and the woman shuffled into the apartment together. Both walked as if they were stuck in slow motion.

"Liara, who was at the door?" Doctor Chakwas yelled from some other room in the apartment. The asari found herself unable to respond through the lump in her throat. Maybe silence would draw Chakwas to their position and save her from this cruel twist of events.

The pair approached the couch and sat down, not looking at each other, and not speaking.

"Jesus, Liara, are you okay?" Doctor Chakwas flew out of the bedroom next to the door. She came up next to Liara and was about to say something until she noticed the other woman sitting on the opposite side of the couch. "Umm… hello there. Can we help you?" When the woman turned her head; Chakwas inhaled quickly and stared at her. Liara figured that she had seen the eyes.

"My name is Captain Hannah Shepard. Admiral Hackett sent me here," she murmured. The poor lady still had that feral look about her, but Chakwas was quick to recover.

"Are you related to Commander Shepard? If I may ask?" Doctor Chakwas was remarkably good at regaining her composure; her moment of disbelief long forgotten.

"I am-was his mother," she replied, her eyes were looking at something far in the distance. The asari wondered if she looked as bad as Hannah...probably. Shepard had the effect of making people care a lot about him. Sometimes even Doctor Chakwas looked that disheveled.

"I trust that you've heard then," Chakwas' voice was gentle.

"Hackett just told me. For the past twelve years, I've been either undercover or in a Batarian prison," she replied back to Chakwas. Her voice then continued at a whisper and silent tears ran down her cheeks, "I just learned that my whole family is dead." The room was quiet; not even the sound of traffic could be heard. Liara had absolutely no idea what to say. On one hand she was kind of in the same boat. Her mom and boyfriend were dead, while her dad was probably dead, plus she didn't have siblings. That was different though, she'd had years to adjust to the idea of no dad and while she didn't want to kill her mom, it was a necessary evil. "I didn't have any information about Shepard's…passing, so he told me to come here."

"I'll try to tell you what I can," Liara said, surprising even herself by talking.

"How did he… you know?" Hannah was obviously having a very hard time keeping her tears at bay.

"He suffocated," Liara mumbled, this comment pulling her back to Colt's final moments.

"Were you two close?" The Captain's voice pulled Liara from her poisonous memories.

"Yes. Yes, we were," Liara said nothing more, but she could tell that Hannah understood the romantic nature of their relationship. Before Liara could read into Hannah's personality, a knock came at the door. Chakwas stood up and walked to the front of the apartment, probably relieved to get away from a conversation that left her as the third wheel.

"It's a package," Chakwas said when she walked back towards the group. A small box rested in her hands. "Should we open it?"

"Yes," Hannah told Chakwas, while handing her a small knife that hadn't been there a moment ago. Karin took it and ripped through the tape quite easily. She reached in and pulled out a small piece of paper. "It says: 'Meet me at the Dark Rose. I have something you might be interested in."'

Liara sprung up from the filthy couch and hurried to put on a jacket. If nothing else, it was an opportunity to take her mind off things.

"Wait a minute, what if this is a trap?" Chakwas was watching Liara with a worried expression.

"But what if it's about Shepard? We can't just ignore it. Besides, I'm fully capable of taking care of myself," Liara would not be stopped by the good doctor, even if her concern made a lot of sense.

"I'll go, too. You may need help," Hannah was starting to stand and already her eyes were clearing up. In a few minutes, it would be like she had never even cried.

…

The Dark Rose was nasty. Not that Liara really cared, but it was noticeable. Sticky countertops and a crunchy floor were just the beginning. There was a puddle of something horrible in one of the corners and she was almost positive that someone's appetizer twitched. The lights were dimmed slightly, which gave the whole place a gloomy atmosphere. The actual bar was circular and stationed in the center of the establishment - it too was grubby and cracked. Normally, the asari would have never, ever come to a place like this. Maybe that needed to change.

Doctor Chakwas had opted out, stating that she wouldn't be very helpful if things went sideways. She understood Chakwas's reasoning, but she still wanted the good doctor to come along. Being alone with Colt's mother was awkward at best.

Liara couldn't get over how similar Colt and Hannah looked. They had the same eyes, a similar nose, and she was pretty sure that they had the same hair color. She was still trying to decide if she welcomed the reminder or not.

"Over there," Hannah nodded to an open spot at the bar. They approached the bar and sat heavily into the grungy stools.

"What can I get'cha?" A Krogan bartender rumbled.

"Something that burns like hell," the Captain answered.

"Can do," he said. He poured some sort of foul smelling concoction into a cloudy glass and set in front of the woman. "What about you, sweetheart?" He turned towards the asari.

"Thessian Temple, please," she said. The Krogan nodded before mixing a few liquids together and handing it over.

"Thessian Temple? We gotta toughen you up," Hannah laughed.

"What's your order, ladies?" A human female walked up besides them and gestured to the bartender to get her something.

"We're going pretty light; we're waiting for someone. You wouldn't happen to know who that is, would you?" Hannah replied, calmly sipping at her drink and looking absentmindedly around.

"I do. I hear she has information on someone named Colt. I also overheard her talking about the Shadow Broker sending agents to get his body on Alchera," the woman stopped to take a swig of her drink. "She also left this," the lady slid a piece of paper over to Hannah, "She said she might be able to help you." With that, the human woman stood and walked out of the Dark Rose, only to be swallowed by the Citadel.

"So… what's the next step?" Liara asked Hannah, who seemed to be an entirely new person from the one she had met only a couple hours ago.

Hannah took a long drink from her glass and set it down hard. "How well do you handle cold weather?"


	17. Alchera

"The good thing about being a Captain is that no one questions when you want a ship," Hannah said. She threw in a smirk once the asari made eye-contact. "Of course, having Admiral Hackett as a friend doesn't hurt either," she added.

The human asked for a small Alliance ship and, sure enough, had gotten one within a few days. They were talking in the Mess Hall with only a couple of hours left until they touched down on Alchera.

"Yes, that must be nice," Liara told her, but she wasn't really listening.

"You've been like this for awhile now; what's the problem?" Hannah's voice lazily asked. The Captain was obviously very tuned into emotions.

"You think he really wants this, Hannah? I want him back, but… Maybe the dead should stay dead," she said softly.

"Liara, I know it looks tempting to just let Colt stay on Alchera, but the Shadow Broker wants him. He or she deals with the entire galaxy and that means we don't know what kind of sick fuck would get Colt's body and if we can help it, we won't find out," Hannah no longer spoke lazily, instead her voice filled with self-assurance and arrogance.

"You're right, I know that. It just keeps coming back, you know? The thought I mean. It keeps coming back," Liara replied with considerably less bravado than her companion. She really had tried to stop her dangerous thought process, she really did put in the effort, but something kept nagging at her. The thought was like an animal whining at a door. It should've been easy to ignore, but it wasn't.

"Well, put it out of your mind because we both know that isn't an option," Hannah stated clearly, in a voice that wouldn't be argued with. In a much softer tone, she said, "I haven't seen him in years, when I left he was only fifteen...or sixteen. One of those two," she paused for a second before shaking herself off and continuing, "Anyways, how did you say you met him?"

"He rescued me from a Prothean dig site. I had been trapped in some sort of Prothean jail with a Krogan warlord and his men trying to find their way to me," Liara couldn't help but smile at the memory before continuing, "After a few jokes at my expense, he got me out and let me join his crew." She almost got lost in the memory of him sauntering up to the prison panel and grinning at her. That was the first time she had seen that goofy smile.

"So… were you guys pretty serious?" Hannah's voice was misty and had fallen back to that removed tone that she had used back in the Citadel apartment.

There was no lying to this woman. "No, not really. We liked each other a lot, but that was it. We didn't love one another but…it was getting there. If we could've had more time then it would've been easy. The loving part I mean. That, that would've been easy," she revealed. Colt was the first person that had liked everything. He liked her Prothean expertise, he liked her intelligence, he liked her looks, he liked her shyness, he liked her innocence, he liked everything. And that was everything.

Hannah nodded in understanding, but asked no further questions. She was probably too lost in memories to seek out further information. The rest of the ride was silent. That was okay.

…

Their probe detected an anomaly on the south side of Alchera. The planet was far too inhospitable for colonies and held no vast amounts of resources, so the anomaly had to have been the Normandy.

The shuttle ride to the crash didn't even hold the possibility of conversation. Speaking was simply impossible due to the cloud of grief that hung around like a bad cold.

What would be left of Colt? Would there be anything left of him? Why were they even doing this? Why was she even here? She knew she should've put those thoughts out of her mind, but they lingered.

After an hour of total silence, an alarm went off indicating they would be arriving at their destination in a couple of minutes. The pair did final checks on their equipment and sealed their helmets. The shuttle's gentle swaying slowed before stopping altogether. "Destination reached. Planet-Alchera. Year-2183. Commanding Officer-Captain Hannah Shepard," the shuttle VI said. Their depressing journey began.

Alchera was beautiful in its own right. Snowy planets had always been interesting places that offered a sense of mystery. Liara liked them. She liked them a lot, actually. But the asari had always observed the planets from afar. One or two missions with Shepard involved icy landscapes, but she was pretty much unaccustomed to their frigid grip.

Winter wasn't a bad season to the asari. That was probably due to the fact that she had only ever experienced mild winters, but still. In fact, winter was always a sort of magical being. There was something wild about the season. Something reassuring. She liked it. She liked it a lot.

The planet's untouched snow was pure and poignant. When their feet hit the ground, it felt like sacrilege. There was something unsettling about wrecking untainted landscape.

"Stay alert, we're not alone," Hannah whispered, while gesturing towards some footprints on the ground. Liara nodded back in understanding, but her eyes never left a piece of metal with SR-1 scrolled across it. Her entire focus was on the towering pieces of twisted metal she had once called home.

She was utterly alone. The shivers of her realization rattled her bones more than the freezing wind could ever hope to achieve.

A few shocked steps into the cold frontier stopped when she felt something hard underneath her boots. Dread coursed through her body and she tried to guess the chances of whatever it was being her dead boyfriend. Liara reluctantly reached down and started digging through the snow. About half way through to the object, Hannah started to help. The sight before them stopped the pair dead in their tracks.

It was clearly human, but that was about as much information they could get out of the mutilated body. Hannah reached down and grabbed at its dog tags.

"Corporal Thomas Woods," she whispered softly, Liara wouldn't have caught it but their helmet's speakers were quite good. Was it bad that she was relieved? Was it wrong to feel joy? She had seen this man from time to time in the Normandy. She had never spoken to him. "Come on, lets keep going," the Captain murmured.

The next sight was what appeared to be the cockpit. She saw Joker's seat, which was shredded with bits of stuffing hanging out. A narrow hallway that connected the CIC to the cockpit was also attached to this particular ruin. Some consoles were scattered nearby and were in equally bad shape. Their screens were either shattered or non-existent. Wires hung down and the unmistakable mark of fire could be seen along the walls of the hallway. The memories were too painful to stay long, so she continued to the next piece of metal.

The asari passed by Hannah on her way to another part of the wreckage. The human was picking through a pile of twisted metal. She was trying to find her dead son's body. That wasn't okay. It really wasn't. The Captain was a young woman, even by human standards.

The footprints they had seen earlier were now covered by snow. They had no way of knowing where this other person was. The only thing Liara knew about this mystery person was that they had been on the planet not five minutes before the pair had touched down and the possibility of them still being here was very real. For that very reason Liara had no intention of running around corners blind. So when she turned a corner leading to what was the mess hall, she didn't register that she was in a place she had been in only a week ago. Her only thought was to stay stealthy.

Liara poked around the mess hall, but found nothing of importance. Colt's room was still attached to the mess hall, so she shuffled over there.

The inside was completely ravaged. Wires and insulation hung down and pieces of wall were everywhere. Shepard's model ships were thrown on the ground and lay in parts, aside from a model of the now destroyed Normandy, which she picked up and placed in a pocket. She had been happy here. Really, truly happy.

Her numbness morphed into agony. Pure, unaltered agony. How could he be dead? They were here a week ago. He had been alive and well.

A stray tear formed silently and traced the gentle curve of her face before slipping down onto the inside of her breather helmet. For better or for worse, she managed to prevent further tears for no other reason besides the fact that she was in closed suit.

Every ounce of strength left her body all at once. It did so without warning. Her wits and control of the situation were there one minute and gone the next. The asari's legs trembled before giving way. Her traitorous knees stopped supporting her altogether. Her back hit the metal sides of his cabin with a thunck. With nothing willing to keep her standing, Liara slid down the wall. She crumpled into a sitting position once she reached the ground.

...

How long had she been here? Hours? Minutes? She didn't know. She didn't care.

Liara could hear Hannah calling her name, so she let out a pitiful response. The human entered the cabin a second later and gazed fearfully at her. "My God, Liara! What happened? Are you alright?"

The asari weakly gestured to the room in hopes that Hannah would understand. Hannah's eyes looked around curiously before turning dark. She let out a sad sigh and then sat next to Liara wordlessly. The human put her arm around Liara, and together they sat in silence.

The pair sat there until the crunch of boots on snow rallied them. Without a second thought, both women sprang up and ran to the door. Liara hadn't brought a gun in order to focus entirely on her biotics.

"STOP!" Captain Hannah Shepard's voice boomed over the landscape towards a lone figure a couple hundred feet away. A gun appeared in her right hand and was pointing at the stranger. The person's back was turned, but they did stop. "Turn around slowly. I have a gun," Hannah's voice was ice cold and sent a chill up Liara's spine. The asari knew that she might have to potentially kill this person, so she rallied her biotics until an impressive blue ball circled her fists furiously.

"I mean you no harm," said the figure as he turned. His voice was scratchy and deep. Liara could tell that he was a young Drell. A sled of some sort was behind him.

"What you got there?" Hannah growled.

"We all know what I have, but before you decide to blast me to Omega, hear me out. I work for the Shadow Broker. They sent me here to retrieve a corpse, which I did. A couple of minutes ago a buddy informed the true purpose of getting the body. I won't be a part of that, I won't. In fact I was going to take the body to a Doctor Liara T'Soni; she was the only person on his emergency contact information," the Drell's voice drew out. Colt had never mentioned that she was his only emergency contact. Hannah was also clearly surprised because she glanced at Liara before gluing her eyes back on the Drell.

"How the hell are we supposed to believe you?" The Captain was not convinced of his sincerity, if her tone of voice was any indicator. Liara noticed that she was creeping closer to the Drell.

Apparently he noticed too because he started speaking quickly, "I'm guessing one of you is Doctor T'Soni, and to prove that I'm telling the truth, I'll hand over the body to her." The Drell had obviously been picking up on the subtle show of emotion both Liara and Hannah had been displaying.

Before her brain could tell her to stop, Liara stepped forward and announced, "I am Doctor T'Soni." This was an incredibly stupid move, but there was no going back. The Drell seemed to look her over and then slowly started to approach the pair, his hands in the air. The large box started forward to, as it was attached to him. Hannah still had her gun trained on him but she made no aggressive move. When he finally stopped before the women, the two parties eyed each other suspiciously. Liara decide to break the stalemate by reaching out for the container's rope. To the Drell's credit he immediately handed it to her.

"What's your name?" Hannah asked, suspicion still in her voice.

The man replied back calmly, "Feron."


	18. Imposter

 "Welcome aboard the SSV Marathon. It's a Normandy Class frigate, a couple years old, but I can't complain when I get a ship on such short notice," Captain Hannah Shepard’s smooth accent allowed the sentence to stray easily from her mouth. She looked quite pleased with her ship despite her words.

 The room he’d been led into screamed Alliance. It was small and ugly. What wasn’t bare metal was painted white. Four grey couches were screwed into the ground in a rectangular pattern. They were positioned around an equally plain vid screen. Three of the four walls had gray lockers lining them. The South wall contained a medium-sized window into space. A pool table was positioned in the East corner. A ping-pong table was a few feet from it. Efficient, but visually repulsive. The Hallmark of Alliance vessels. "It's a beautiful ship, Captain, but may I ask where we plan on going?" Feron replied. The less time he stayed on the ship, the better.

 "We're headed to the Citadel. Estimated time of arrival is just under nine hours," Captain Shepard said lazily.

 She was surprisingly funny and laid back for an Alliance officer, a stark contrast to the officers that seemed to be permanently pissed off. Feron supposed it was because she was off duty. Or maybe that was just the way she was.

 Another equally surprising observation revolved around her general demeanor. She was still in mourning, that much was apparent, but she didn't really do anything to indicate that she was. She just simply was. There was an air of sadness that clung to her. It became increasingly evident when there was a lull in conversation. The asari was the same way, though her sadness was practically being broadcasted with neon lights.

 "You're not what I expected, Feron," Hannah suddenly said.

 "What did you expect, Captain?" He asked, his curiosity piqued.

 "Asshole with morals that revolve around money. I thought I was going to have to gun you down back there, but your change of heart is admirable," she said. Her words were genuine, and for the first time in a long time Feron felt the gnawing sensation of guilt.

 

…

 

Liara had to look, she just did. Talking herself out of it was no use. It was unfair to Colt to look. He deserved to be remembered as full of life and laughter. Still, she couldn't pass up the chance. Liara wanted to know what she was burying.

 She stood up and made her way out of the parlor. Feron and Hannah were sitting in the corner, talking. Always talking. How could they be so calm? How could they be so in control?

 She nodded to Hannah before going through the parlor doors. The Marathon’s corridors weren’t friendly, they were functional. Not that she minded. She was just passing through. She went through one and then another before reaching what was essentially a glorified closet.

 The room could only fit her plus Shepard comfortably. Room was tight on spaceships. She knew that. It was still uncomfortable and less than ideal.

Liara only had five minutes to look before he would start to deteriorate. That was fine. That was more than enough.

 She knelt to the ground and inspected the casket. It was pressure sealed, but that was no problem. It was easy enough to release the seals. Even getting the lid off was simple.

Just like that it was open. Just like that it was real. There was no turning back.

 His legs had been cut off sometime during his ascent into the Alchera atmosphere. They were on either side of his torso. His right arm was completely gone, while half of his left was missing. His iconic red and white stripe couldn't be seen, but that was probably because it had been burned off. His black armor was partially melted, but mostly intact. Dried blood covered almost every inch of his body. His head seemed to be intact despite being completely disconnected from his neck.The damage done to his body was less extensive than she thought it would be. Still awful. Still shocking. But not as bad as she had imagined.

Throwing up crossed her mind. Not as an option. The idea was more nagging than an option. In fact, she wondered why she didn’t throw up. She wondered why she didn’t feel much. There was nothing. And that surprised her. At the very least, she thought she’d throw up.

All that was left was his seemingly untouched helmet. Liara reached for it with weirdly steady hands. When she pulled at it, she was met with resistance. It had to be his oxygen hose. Nothing else would cause such resistance. After disconnecting the oxygen hose, she finally pulled the helmet off of Shepard's head.

 It wasn’t him.

It was Ensign Vincent Wellington.

 

…

 

"Captain, you've experienced so much. I can't say-," Feron replied before being cut off by the swishing of a nearby door. After the door closed, he continued softly, "Hello, Doctor T'Soni. The Captain and I were just discussing y-.”

"Where is he?" Liara growled while swooping out of the door dangerously. Her legs carried her forward confidently, eagerly even. Shit was about to go down.

 “I’m afraid you’ll have to clarify, friend,” The Drell said. He straightened himself up and drew his body together.

The asari went still for a moment. Nothing happened for a perfect second. Then Liara lept forward suddenly. Blue waves originated from her twisting feet before launching themselves out of her hands. Her biotics swept a few inches from Hannah and caught Feron easily. The drell tumbled effortlessly through the air before slamming into the ship’s metal walls. Liara stalked towards the trapped man with a nasty glint in her eyes.

 “Fuuuuuck,” Hannah exclaimed. She pushed herself up from her chair, allowing her shitty coffee to slosh onto her. Fuckin A. "Liara?! What the HELL are you doing?" What the fuck was Liara thinking. Feron was fine.

"It's not Colt, Hannah! It's an Ensign from the Normandy, but it sure as hell isn't Shepard," she rumbled. Liara's whole body shook with rage as she spoke. Blue cackled around her with anger, lapping at anything close to the asari.

It occurred to Hannah that she had never seen Liara angry before. She had seen her sad before, but not angry. In fact she had thought Liara incapable of anger.

 "Are you sure?" Hannah heard herself say the words, but she wasn’t entirely sure she had said them. Maybe it was someone who shared the same exact voice.

 "Kinda' hard to forget. Go look for yourself. I can handle him," Liara snarled at Feron, her eyes never leaving his face. The only way to be sure was to look.

Finding the casket was easy; looking inside was hard. Liara was extremely bright, even more so than Hannah, but she still couldn't quite believe that her son wasn't the one occupying the casket. Dread filled her soul at the thought of looking at her son's mutilated head; it had to be done though. Hannah sucked in a breath, released the pressure seals, and looked into the face of a stranger. He was not her son, he was not Colt.

Was drell blood green?

 

…

 

"Smear the bastard!" Hannah shouted. She walked in again with an icy expression and deadly intent.

 "I would agree with you Captain, but he's the only one who knows where Colt is," Liara pointed out. She’d had time to cool off and consider their situation. If they killed Feron, they’d never find Colt.

 "Fuck, you're right," Hannah spat. She stalked up to Feron and scrutinized him, probably deciding how to kill him. That thought didn't bother Liara in the slightest.

 "You're going to take us to Colt's body or I will personally rip your throat out. Is that understood?" The Captain said. Feron nodded his head up and down as best he could while being trapped by biotics.

 “Let him out,” she told the asari. Liara’s biotics receded and dropped him harshly to the ground.

 Their new destination was now Alchera. Again.

 

…

 

Alchera had lost its beauty. Now Liara could only look around disgusted. It was just a snow filled obstacle.

 "Alright Feron, where is he?" The Captain's voice was deceptively calm. Liara had no doubt that Hannah could kill with her pinky finger.

"It is better if I take you… But first you must promise me that I won’t be harmed," Feron said. He was a liar, but he wasn’t dumb.

 "Fine, I give you my word. But if we find that it isn't Colt… Well, I don’t think you’ll enjoy that outcome," Hannah's menacing growl made Liara eternally grateful that she wasn't Feron.

 "How can I trust your word?" He asked. If Hannah's glare was any indicator, Feron was about a word from getting his tongue cut out.

 "You can’t," the human said.

 If Liara hadn't known better, she would've thought that Hannah was going to shoot him anyway. She wouldn’t, not if he came through. If Liara had learned one thing, it was that the Shepards had honor.

“Follow me,” the drell said.

The path that Feron took them on was quite complex. Liara had lost track of how many turns they’d taken. She sincerely hoped that Feron knew what he was doing because there was no way Liara knew the way back. He led them far away from the initial site of the Normandy and into a white desert. Hannah kept glancing back nervously, probably thinking that Feron was going to leave them to die in the middle of Alchera.

 "How much longer?" Hannah asked commandingly.

 "We will be there in five minutes,” he answered. Feron looked over his shoulder and glanced between Liara and Hannah. “You look worried. Don’t. We’re not lost. Drell's have perfect memories. I could trace this same route fifty years from now," he said. What he said was true. Liara still didn’t find that little fun fact very comforting.

 The fact of the matter was that Feron had the upper hand. He could do a million a things to ditch or kill them. They were limited to a handful of effective offensives. They couldn't even kill him if something went wrong lest they be lost.

Every part of her told her this was a bad idea. Every step she took was reluctant. But she wasn’t about to stop. It was a very odd state of existence.

 In exactly five minutes Feron stopped. He said nothing while pointing at a piece of sheet metal. Liara looked at Hannah for advice, but the Captain just shrugged and walked towards the metal.

 "Liara, help me lift this metal," Hannah said after carefully inspecting Shepard's alleged resting place. The asari walked over carefully and took her place next to the Captain. "Can you just use your biotics?” Hannah asked. Liara nodded and sent a wave of biotics at the metal. The sheet metal flew a couple feet away and landed with a loud thud.

Underneath was a similar casket to the one Ensign Wellington had been in. The two women looked at each other and a silent understanding transpired. Liara would open it. No mother should have to do that. She nodded to Hannah and knelt to the ground. She released the pressure seals before shoving the lid off. For the second time that day, Liara was opening the casket of Commander Shepard.

 This body was in much worse condition. Both of Shepard's legs were broken off from his torso. No doubt from landing feet first on Alchera's surface. The heat had melted the armor on his legs almost completely off. There was a real possibility that the supposed Shepard didn't have flesh up to at least his knees. Both of his arms were there but they missed fingers. All of his armor was either melted onto him or gone. Chunks of flesh were missing from the places without armor. The most notable missing section was a piece of his right torso. Like the Ensign, his head was completely disconnected from his neck. Despite this, his chest and head looked to be the most intact. The red and white stripe had been melted off and Liara grew suspicious that this was yet another fake Shepard. The only way to tell was to take off his helmet.

Hannah was looking away when Liara reached for the helmet. It was for the best. The asari encountered little resistance as she pulled off his helmet. There wasn't any hissing as there usually was with a pressurized suit.

It was Colt. The rest of his body was a mess but his head was in pristine condition with only minor scarring on his face. Some blood covered his face but he was easily recognizable. If she hadn't known he was already dead, then Liara would have thought that he was sleeping.

She slid his helmet back on and attached the pressure seals again. Hannah looked towards her and she nodded. Relief filled Hannah's face for a second before being replaced by something else.

Something heart wrenching and full of despair.

"Marathon to ground team, ground team do you read?" a voice sounded in Liara's helmet, momentarily startling her.

"We read you Marathon, what's the sitrep?" Hannah answered back.

"There is an unidentified ship heading our way. Their ETA is fifty minutes. It’s recommended that you head back immediately," The Marathon crew member said back.

"Understood, heading back now. Be advised we have a prisoner incoming," Hannah stopped and looked at Feron. "Prepare the brig."


	19. A Change of Heart

"Captain, we only have fifteen minutes left!" The urgent voice of the Marathon's helmsman resounded through Liara's helmet. The slow move to the ship was agonizing, but she wasn’t going to leave Colt again. 

"I know. We're moving as fast as possible," Hannah replied through breathes. It wasn’t like the coffin was particularly heavy. No, it wasn’t that. The contents just made it seem that way. 

They weren’t moving fast enough to escape. Their journey was a silent ten minute scramble instead of the five minute sprint it should’ve been. There was no way they’d make it through the relay. 

After their ten minute excursion, the three burst onto the ship’s loading platform with gusto. Hannah pulled Liara and Feron along with renewed energy. An intoxicating aura seemed to form around the Captain which made it hard to look away. She threw orders around with impressive ease and confidence. Apparently, it ran in the Shepard bloodline. 

"How long will it take us to reach the mass relay?" The Captain barked at some Ensign. 

The poor thing froze for a second before saying,”Approximately seven minutes, ma’am.” 

“How long till that unidentified ship is on top of us?” She asked. 

“About four minutes, ma’am.” 

“This way,” Hannah growled. She practically dragged Liara and Feron down the hallway where the crew quarters were located. She walked a few steps before turning into a storage room. “He’ll be fine here,” she said. The three set the casket down gingerly. In five seconds flat Hannah tied the casket down and was out the door. Liara briefly pulled at the tethers Hannah had connected then she too was out the door. Footsteps behind her made it clear that Feron was following along behind. 

Liara turned the corner into the CIC just in time to hear the tail end of Hannah’s conversation. "...Their estimated trajectory shows that they probably intend to board the Marathon," some crewmember was telling the Captain. Hannah had a hand on her forehead and was muttering. 

The ship was no doubt connected to the Shadow Broker. Their good buddy, Feron, had obviously tipped off the Broker to their whereabouts. The Broker’s ship was definitely trying to get Colt's body. No way they could they let that happen. Who knew what they wanted to do with him? 

Feron shifted behind Liara a little, causing Hannah to jerk her head up. She narrowed her eyes at the the Drell before turning and saying,”Hawkins, Johnson take Feron away. We have enough problems without worrying about him."

"Yes ma'am," the two marines said at the same time before grabbing Feron and leading him away.

"Anders, make an announcement for the crew to get ready," Hannah called towards her helmsman. Anders nodded back before she turned back toward her consoles.

"All crewmembers go to battle stations,” Ander's familiar voice filled the ship. Liara had no idea where to go without making things worse. So she stayed in the rear the cockpit and tried her best to stay out of the way.

Hannah was hurrying between different crew members in the cockpit. Her voice was calm and reassuring. The perfect leader. Charisma must’ve run in the Shepard bloodline. 

Liara hoped that her biotics would be sufficient against the agent's people, but she did have some concerns about using them on a ship. She was particularly worried about ripping out a bulkhead and dooming everyone to a cold death. This wasn't a productive line of thought, so she started thinking about what Shepard would do in this situation. He would make a couple horrible jokes and then he would become uncharacteristically serious and calm.

"We have a visual on the incoming ship!” The quiet words previously exchanged in the cockpit were now much louder. This particular sentence was almost yelled.

"Captain! The Marathon's sensors are indicating that a shuttle is being prepped for launch," a woman said loudly. 

Hannah whipped her head around and remained silent for a second. "Did I hear you correctly, Lieutenant?" Her tone was sharp. 

"Yes ma'am. A shuttle is twenty seconds from lau-" the Lieutenant was interrupted by the sound of heavy boots thudding against the metal flooring.

"Captain, Feron escaped," Hawkins said breathlessly. Blood was dripping from his nose. Johnson stood behind him. She held her left hand defensively. 

"Are you fucking serious?" Hannah's eyes were bright with anger.

"Yes ma'am. We had just opened the door to the brig and he went nuts. The next thing we knew he was gone and we were on the ground," Johnson admitted. Liara couldn't help but feel sorry for the young marines. She could almost feel the shame radiating from them.

"I don't have time for him right now. Get your asses to the med bay," Captain Hannah growled at the injured pair. She turned back to the Lieutenant she was talking with earlier. "What's the status of the shuttle?"

"It launched about two seconds ago." The lieutenant was leaning forward in her chair, staring intensely at her screen. "It's headed for the unidentified ship."

Hannah walked up beside the woman and stared at her screen. "Contact the shuttle. See who they are and ask what the fuck they’re doing,” Hannah said. 

"SSV Marathon to UT-47 Kodiak. Who is the pilot and what is your objective?" Anders spoke loud enough so that Liara could hear her.

"I couldn’t do it. Not to him. Not after he saved the Citadel," Feron's voice answered back before the link was severed.

"Ma'am, it appears that the ship is now tracking the Kodiak instead of the Marathon. If we go now we may be able to make it to the mass relay," Anders told Hannah, not once looking away from her console.

Hannah mumbled something under her breath and then said,"Go!”

"Right away," Anders replied, tapping at her console. Liara could feel the Marathon's engines powering up under her feet. She wheeled around and made her way to a seat. She’d barely buckled her harness before the ship started to hum with energy from the relay. In just a few moments, they were thousands of lightyears away.


	20. Strangers and Loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Constructive criticism is always welcomed.

Two Days Later

"Liara, I have to leave today," Hannah said quietly. She and Liara were sitting in the Captain's Cabin. They were mostly silent. What was there to say? 

"What do you mean?" Liara asked. She was truly puzzled.

"Admiral Hackett contacted me a few days ago. I've been promoted to Executive Officer of the Kilimanjaro. That duty starts early tomorrow, so I've arranged to be transported back to the Citadel. There the Marathon will be transferred to someone else and I can meet up with the Kilimanjaro," Hannah said carefully. Her voice was emotionless. Fake even. 

"When will we be at the Citadel?" The asari asked.

"One hour," the Captain said back. Her voice was quiet and she broke eye contact for a bit.

"One hour? Why didn't you say anything earlier?" Liara demanded. She wasn't prepared to say goodbye. 

"I know I should've told you earlier but...Anyways, I’m sorry," Hannah muttered. Her eyes were focused on her feet. The human was bound and determined to burn a hole through the floor. 

"What am I supposed to do with Colt? Should I contact that woman or let him…you know…let him be?" She said, with more of a bite than she intended. 

What was she supposed to do? Hannah knew what she was doing, a trait Liara seemed to lack. She needed that guiding force. There was no way that she could navigate life alone. Not now. Maybe in a few months. Or years. 

Hannah was now scrubbing at her forehead, something Liara did herself. She opened her mouth to say something before promptly closing it again. Her jaw muscles twinged relentlessly, but she kept silent. 

Liara had been debating whether or not to contact the woman who had given them the information in the first place. Was it really the right thing to hand him over? Was it really fair to him? She hadn't made up her mind because she assumed that Hannah already had. 

Finally, the Captain said quietly, "Liara, I know you'll do what you think is right. Whatever choice you make is probably the same choice I would make.” 

…

 

One Hour Later

 

In a short hour, Liara and Hannah were able to pack what few belongings they had. No words were exchanged despite the fact that their lockers were right next to eachother. It wasn't awkward, just gloomy. 

Now they stood on the ship docks located on the Citadel. The Marathon was already gone with a new commanding officer. The Kilimanjaro loomed in front of the pair, waiting for Hannah. It was a beautiful dreadnought. Certainly one of the Alliance’s finest. If she could’ve managed it, Liara would’ve been happy for her new friend. 

"Do you think we'll see each other again?" Liara asked suddenly, panic was starting to seize her at the thought of being utterly alone again.

"I have no doubt in my mind, my dear. We'll cross paths again," Hannah said, turning to face Liara. Her hair seemed grayer than ever before, but her kind eyes were bright. A warm smile spread across her face and she opened her arms for a hug. Liara accepted the human’s touch more out of politeness than anything else. Much to her surprise, the asari found the hug to be comforting. Hannah whispered in Liara's ear, "I'm glad that Colt met you.” They stayed like that for a moment longer before the human broke the hug. 

Liara stepped back reluctantly, all the while keeping her gaze downwards. When she finally looked up, she saw nothing but strangers and the dreadnought Kilimanjaro.

…

 

Being alone was something that Liara should've been used to, but between her adventures on the Normandy and her time spent with Hannah, she was out of practice. Even Doctor Chakwas had left the little apartment, explaining to Liara in a quick message that she had been reassigned. Leaving her alone was almost unforgivable. 

Of course people had their own lives, but would it kill them to stick around a bit longer? No one from the Normandy had visited. They hadn’t even called. Maybe they were dealing with his death in their own ways. Still, she needed them. 

She needed someone to tell her what to do with him. 

Leaving him be was the morally correct thing to do. She just didn’t want to. Maybe the mysterious woman could work a miracle. Maybe Liara could see him again. There were too many possibilities to ignore. 

For days, Liara contemplated contacting the woman. The idea pressed against her skull every second. It wasn’t a suggestion, it was a demand. Maybe it was hope, maybe it was something more painful. 

It was two o’clock in the afternoon when she finally dialed up the number. It was a Thursday. 

She sat in the same chair she had almost blown her brains out in. It really was the comfiest piece of furniture in the apartment. 

"Hello?" A voice came over from Liara's omni-tool.

"I have something from Alchera that you said you could help with," Liara said back. She hoped her voice sounded uninterested and detached. 

"Oh yes, meet me by the Krogan monument," was all the voice said back before their connection cut out.

Liara had never gotten ready faster in her life. In seven minutes flat, she was acceptable in public. The way she flew out the door would’ve impressed even the fastest asari runners. 

Thankfully the Krogan monument was not too far from Liara's apartment. She was there in five minutes. 

Even with her impressive speed, the woman was still waiting for her. "Doctor T'Soni?" She asked, extending her hand in a polite handshake.

"That is correct," Liara replied, while gripping her hand and shaking it.

"Let's get down to business. I'm here to tell you that my organization can restore Commander Shepard. All you have to do is hand over the body and we'll do the rest," the human woman said in an accent Liara couldn’t quite place. 

This is what Liara wanted. She wanted him back. Badly. So why did handing him over feel so wrong? 

"I-I don't know. I mean...it, it just seems kind of wrong to do that," Liara replied. Shepard deserved to be buried a hero. He deserved to rest. What was that old human saying? Something about letting the dead go or something. 

"Do you honestly believe that? Don't you think Commander Shepard would rather be alive? Besides, the galaxy needs a hero. It needs him," she said, managing to sound reassuring when her voice hadn't even changed. 

"He deserves to be left alone. It just seems selfish to make him come back," Liara answered.

"If he had committed suicide, that would be different. He would want to be left alone, but he didn't; he was basically murdered. Don't you think the right thing would be giving him a second chance? This is a great opportunity - don't throw it away. Billions of people would give anything to have their significant others revived. Let us have him. Let us save him," the woman's voice was growing more intense. She probably couldn't believe that Liara was having doubts. Liara couldn’t even believe she was having doubts. 

The realization of her offer was finally dawning on Liara. She would be able to see Colt again. Talk to him. He would be real. He would be alive. All her grief would be forgotten. All her pain filled. 

"He’s in my apartment, come on."


	21. The Return to Normality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I actually think I spent over an hour picking out fish in ME2, so this chapter is dedicated to my beloved fish who think it's funny to die after I forget to feed them once.

One Year, Nine Months, Eighteen Days Later

 

Despite Colt’s long absence, Liara's favorite picture of him, taken during their Thessia vacation, still sat on her desk. Besides his dog tags, it was one of the only things she had left. The two of them were sitting on some rocks. Shepard's arm was thrown around her shoulders, and a goofy look was plastered across his face. Liara was nothing special in the picture. What mattered was that his personality had kinda been captured. It wasn't anything like the real Colt. But it was something. 

Liara was an awful asari. Time and time again she’d received the speech. The one explaining lifespan difference and the importance of letting go. Turned out Liara was neither ready nor capable of conforming to asari cultural expectations. She wasn’t even at a place that could be considered acceptable. So much for letting go. 

Goddess. How long had it been? Must’ve been approaching two years now. Two years without him. 

Weren’t these things supposed to feel less like a sucking chest wound as time went on? 

The all too familiar feeling of frustration prickled the back of her neck. What was taking Cerberus so long? She’d been hunting while the Illusive Man lay dormant. Getting revenge was important, but reviving him topped the list. Two years was a bit much for such an endeavor. Wasn’t haste important to humans? 

"Doctor T'Soni? Excuse me?" A loud voice interrupted her thinking.

"Yes?"

"Quite some arm candy there,” he said while gesturing to the picture of Colt she’d forgotten to put away. “I guess you wouldn't be interested in my other services?" Her client, named Jason Arrington, replied back. A twinge of the eyebrows accompanied his words. It took Liara a moment to understand what he meant.

Her hand flew to her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her patience for this crap was in the negatives. She leaned forward in her chair and in her kindest voice said, "I want to make it perfectly clear that the only thing I want from you is creds. If you suggest that I want anything else, I will cut off your balls and feed them to a varren. Clear?"

Jason just stared at her for a second and mumbled,"Yes, I-I think you've made yourself clear."

"Greeeat. I can have the information you want in a week but I will need fifteen hundred credits," she said. Liara looked down at her typing fingers, only to look up once more when he didn't respond. "Problem?" She asked. 

"That just seems like a large amount," Jason stammered out. 

"No other information broker on Illium can get what you want faster or get the amount of information I can provide. So, fifteen hundred or you find someone else and wait weeks or months. Your choice," she said. It was a well rehearsed answer.

"Fine," he growled and tossed a credit chit her way. She took it and pressed it against the scanner on her desk. It flashed the green light of approval before she handed it back. 

“You are good to go,” she said. 

“Thanks,” he muttered. He shoved the credit chit into his pocket before standing up. 

“I will send you a message once I am done,” she said. Her words were lost on the young human, as the door slid shut before her statement was finished. Good riddance. Still, she couldn’t really complain. He was paying her well. 

The number of clients she’d been getting was great for forgetting and even better for her bank account.

Okay. Now all she had to do was acquire the information Jason wanted. He thought there was something going on with the executives at Illium Incorporated. So all she had to do was-

Her omni-tool flashed and beeped to warn of an incoming call. She tapped mindlessly at the flashing icon. "Doctor T'Soni speaking," she answered. The picture of the other speaker was blacked out. Fantastic. Someone was probably going to threaten her. Again. 

A moment of silence passed before a strange mechanical whir screeched through the speaker. Then another stretch of silence. "Project Lazarus has succeeded. I've sent you an image for proof," the voice on the other line wheezed out. The call cut off before anything else could be said. 

She closed down her current windows in record time and opened the unnamed file that popped up in her messages. 

There he was. 

Goddess. A strange feeling of numbness started to creep into her bones. There he was. Alive. Colt was alive. Goddess. 

This was the best day of her life. Really. Truly. 

She wanted to run out of her office and yell the news to the streets. She wanted to stand on her desk and dance. She wanted to fire her staff and leave. Wherever he was, she wanted to be. 

Liara could feel her heart soaring. She looked back at the picture just to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. 

He was walking away from a burning building, a rifle in his hands. The date in the corner said it was from a few days ago. A biotic corona surrounded his body. Odd, but whatever. He could be half varren and he’d still be perfect. 

…

 

Most of Shepard's old scars were gone. The scars from bar fights? Gone. The scars from living on the streets? Missing. Only two remained. One was on the left side of his head, just at the hairline. Of all his scars, he wished that one had disappeared. The other was the disgusting twisted flesh on his right bicep. It was faded for sure, but the image of a serpent was still there. New scars, however; were plentiful. They crisscrossed his face, a faint orange glow behind them. Even his eyes glowed a little. It was disconcerting for sure. When he’d tried to sleep earlier, he could hear a faint whirring noise resonating from his body. How much of him was him?

Was he dreaming? God, did he hope so. 

He didn’t want to be on a Cerberus ship. He didn’t want to be alone with a bunch of terrorist strangers. He didn’t want any of this shit. Where the fuck was Liara? Garrus? Tali? Ashley? He really, really needed them to come save him. Or wake him up. Whichever.

He was so scared. He couldn’t sleep because of the terror that was leeching into his brand new bones. He couldn’t eat either. He’d been trembling for days. Miranda told him it was because he was getting used to his new body. It was vastly improved she said. He was hundreds of times stronger. He was biotic now. What the fuck? Here was a crazy idea. Maybe he was shaking because a crazy fucking terrorist group had revived him at great expense. Maybe he was shaking because everything was wrong. 

Miranda told him that it had been two years since…the other Normandy. That didn’t seem real. It felt like maybe a week at the longest. His new biotic powers were the only thing that convinced him of Miranda’s story. 

Why did Cerberus give him biotics? It was like handing a child a loaded gun. He didn’t know shit about biotics. 

“We’ll be docking on the Citadel shortly, Commander,” a voice in the ceiling announced. Colt about jumped out of his skin.

“Thanks, EDI,” he muttered. 

“You are welcome.” 

His reasons for visiting the Citadel were pretty straightforward. He needed to talk to Anderson and he needed to get fish. It would be weird if he left the fish tank empty. Plus, his love of animals simply didn’t allow him to pass up the opportunity. Cerberus, despite all it horrendous faults, at least let him have animals. When he was part of the Alliance all he heard was that animals wasted oxygen and blah, blah, blah. The Council wasted precious oxygen on the Citadel, yet they were allowed to stay.

Shopping for animals was the very definition of a good time. Commander Colt Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, Hero of Elysium, was about to go on a legendary fish shopping binge. No shame. Spending his small fortune on fish didn't bother him one bit. Spending credits on clothes? A total waste. Spending credits on fish? Sign Colt the fuck up. 

"Commander Shepard, we have reached the Citadel. Should I inform Miranda and Jacob to get ready?" EDI asked. 

"No thanks, EDI. I think I'm gonna have to make this trip alone," he said. 

 

…

 

After he dropped his aquatic pets off with a very pissed Miranda, he hopped onto a rapid transport tram headed for the Presidium. 

Not a single cell within his newly redesigned body wanted to exit the tram. If he didn’t move a muscle, he’d be whisked away to somewhere else. Still, there were people to meet and things to do. 

Much to his amazement, he got off the tram. Even stranger, he kept on walking. 

The Presidium was a fucking dump. Shepard thought they’d make the place even more beautiful after Saren’s attack. Nope. Did they hire a Krogan interior designer? 

How could it look so similar to two years prior? How could nothing have changed? How could everything have changed? 

Maybe it wasn’t done yet. Maybe they were still designing and building. Hopefully. 

He paused in front of the steps leading up to Anderson’s office to look out over the Presidium. The site of arguably his most famous battle. Colt’s heart weighed so heavily in his chest there was a possibility it could sink to his feet. This place looked like it had been attacked a month ago.

Had it really been two years? God damn. 

How did Cerberus expect him to just pick-up where he left off? 

Colt shook his head to clear his thoughts. He rubbed at his eyes a bit before heading up the stairs. A set of wide doors waited at the top of the staircase. Luckily they whooshed open instead of requiring him to yank at them. Last time he’d tried to open a door, the damn thing ripped right off its hinges. Miranda told him it would take awhile to adjust to his new strength. 

He walked to the receptionist’s desk and said, “Lieutenant Commander Shepard to see the Councillor, please. I made an appointment.” 

The receptionist stared at him for a second before he started typing at his console. “I have you in the system. The Councillor will be ready for you shortly,” he said. 

“Thanks,” Colt said. He turned and strode past the few carefully placed chairs towards some windows overlooking the ruin. 

Surely this wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. This was just some weird dream after a Ryncol filled night. His friends were with him through the thick and thin. If this were real, they’d be here now. There was no way they’d let him linger in purgatory. 

“Commander Shepard? Councillor Anderson is ready for you,” the receptionist said. Colt looked out of the office windows for a moment longer before he turned to the young man.

“Thank you,” Shepard said. He started to stride towards the former Admiral’s office before the receptionist spoke again. 

“Uhhh, Commander? Do you mind if I ask you a question?” 

“Of course,” Shepard said. He walked towards the desk and set his folded hands lightly on it. 

“Everybody thought you were dead. The-the Alliance reported your death. The news channels were all over it for weeks.” 

“So what’s your question?” Shepard asked harshly. 

“I-uh. Umm, where you really, you know?” He stammered. 

Colt thought for a minute. He cracked his knuckles and licked his lips before speaking, “I guess.” 

“How’d you come back?” 

“That’s the question of the year, my friend,” Colt answered, “I need to speak with the Councillor now.” 

“Yes, yes. Of course. I’m sorry.” 

Shepard turned on his heel and walked quickly towards the office. He needed to get the fuck away. He walked through the door, turning his head a bit to make sure that it closed securely behind him. 

He turned back around, only to be greeted by the sight of Anderson’s freakishly large office. Jesus. What the hell did he need all this room for? 

"Colt. Is that really you?" Anderson's voice sounded to Shepard’s left side. The Commander’s entire body shook with terror at the Councillor’s booming voice. “Jumpy much?” Anderson said. 

Shepard ran his hands over his head. Fuck. Everything was a bit too much these days. “Can you blame me?” He asked. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Nevermind.”

Anderson shook his head. “Let’s try this again,” he said. The former Admiral approached Colt and set a hand on his shoulder. Colt flinched away. “What’s the problem, Shepard?” Anderson sighed. 

“It’s not you. I don’t know what the fuck Cerberus did to me, but the lights are too bright and everyone is too loud.” 

“So, they got you drunk?” Anderson laughed. 

Shepard barked out a humorless laugh before running his hands over his head again. 

“What do you mean, then?” Anderson said. 

“When people talk it’s like they’re screaming in my ears. When something touches me, it’s like getting slapped. For fuck’s sake, I’m biotic now.” 

“So you really did die?” 

“Of course I fucking died! Do you think I got all scarred up from chilling in someone’s basement?”

“Calm down. It’s an honest question.” 

“Look, all I know is that suffocated above some God-forsaken planet and then I woke up.” 

“Do you remember it?” Anderson asked. 

“Remember what?” 

“Dying?” 

Colt’s jaw tensed up. The last thing he needed was a reminder of what happened. “I do. Every second of it.” 

Anderson nodded but said nothing. 

“Are you happy to see me?” Shepard asked suddenly. 

Anderson shook his head before saying, “What kind of question is that?”

Shepard shrugged. “An honest one.” 

“Jesus Christ. Of course I’m happy to see you. Over the moon, in fact.” 

“Then why’d you ask me if I really died?”

“Shouldn’t I be giving you the ninth degree?” Anderson said. 

“Shouldn’t I be dead?” 

“Hmmm,” Anderson rumbled. 

“What?” 

“This isn’t how I envisioned our reunion,” Anderson admitted, “I thought it would be more...comfortable?” 

“I thought I was going to be dead for the rest of forever, but we don’t always get what we want,” Colt said. 

Anderson blinked slowly before he asked, “Are you okay?” 

p>Colt had no idea how much he needed someone to ask him that. “I’m supposed to be dead, Anderson. I’m supposed to be rotting on Alchera. I’m not fine. To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure this is real,” he said. He breathed in and out steadily. Should he say what he wanted to say? “You know what the worst part is?”

Anderson shrugged. 

“I’m not happy that I’m back. I feel like I’ve been robbed. Of what exactly, I don’t know. But it’s not right, Anderson. Me being here. It’s not right,” he said. 

Anderson looked him over carefully before stepping lightly towards him. He wrapped his arms around Shepard and pulled him closer. Colt stiffened up when he realized his shoulder was getting wet. He knew better than to mention it. 

Anderson took ahold of Colt’s shoulders and yanked him away. He brought a hand up to his face and half-heartedly wiped at his eyes. “Well, I’m happy you’re back, Shepard. In fact, I think that this may be the best day of my life.” 

Colt stepped back from his former Captain’s grasp and shuffled over the the office’s windows. Maintaining direct contact with Anderson was starting to send needles through his nerves. 

“So, Cerberus?” Anderson said. 

“I don’t have a choice.” 

“Of course you do. You always have a choice.” 

“If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be standing here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Anderson demanded. 

“It means that nobody asked me if I wanted to come back.”


	22. Rosebud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I watched Paragon Lost. It wasn’t bad. It fleshed out Vega nicely and gave a great back story to Fehl Prime. However, it didn't do a very good job of making me care about the characters other than Vega. Still, I highly recommend it.

“How’s Shepard?” 

“He’s fine, I guess.” 

“You guess?” 

“Well, it’s hard to tell. He doesn’t talk much. He doesn’t really do anything, actually,” Miranda said. 

“I know that tone of voice,” The Illusive Man replied. 

“I don’t know how else to say it, he’s dull. He lacks any remarkable personality traits. It’s almost as if we-” 

“-Didn’t revive the right person?” The Illusive Man finished. 

“Exactly.” 

“What were you expecting, Miranda? His whole world is upside down. There’s a lot of pain involved with cybernetics.” 

“I’ve studied him for years now. I expected him to do whatever he wanted, when he pleased. I thought he’d be a little crazy, entirely oblivious to most of his actions and his effect on people. I thought the crew would adore him and that they would be astonished by how personable he’d be. I thought I’d get enraged by his lack of professionalism. The jokes, specifically,” Miranda fumed. 

“You’ve got to give him time, Miranda. Think about things from his perspective. Would you be one hundred percent if you found out all your friends were scattered around the galaxy? How would you feel if you missed out on two years of your life?” The Illusive Man asked calmly. He took a long drag from his cigar. 

Miranda nodded. He had a point. Still, she expected more from Shepard. 

“Is there anything that has gotten a response out of Shepard? A phrase, a picture. A person?” The Illusive Man said. 

“Mordin Solus seemed to perk him up.”

“Good. Start there.”

 

…

 

“Aria is...interesting,” Jacob said, breaking the silence between the three, “I find her oddly compelling. Kind of like you, Commander. You know, if you were more evil and prone to controlling rundown space stations.”

“What do you think, Shepard?” Miranda asked. Colt was so fucking tired of her trying to coax him into talking. Didn’t she get it? Didn’t any of them get it? Cerberus, or anyone affiliated with the organization, was not his friend. 

“She would be a formidable enemy for sure. I wouldn’t want to piss her off,” he said blandly. His words shut down further conversation. 

The even, steady clink of his boots pounding into Omega’s disgusting floor was the only thing Colt could focus on without needing to puke. If he let his senses roam, they quickly overwhelmed him. Conversations from twenty feet away blared in his ears so loudly, his head spun. Any lights, even just simple, everyday lights, seared his eyes. The piercing pink lights in Aria’s Afterlife almost made him pass out. What the fuck did Cerberus do to him?

“Commander, what are your orders?” Miranda said from behind him. Shepard stopped and turned towards his two companions. His skin started to crawl as soon as he made eye contact with Miranda. What a fucking snake. 

"We're going in for another recruit. Someone called Archangel," Shepard said. 

Miranda and Jacob nodded their heads approvingly.

It wasn’t really fair that he neglected to tell them about his plans. But there was no fucking way he was going to let any Cerberus agent understand his thought process. Trusting them was a death sentence. 

“Now that we’re on the same page, let’s head out. Follow me,” Colt said. He turned back around and strode towards an alleyway. Archangel was hiding out in one of the better parts of this Omega-a plague infected, poverty stricken shit stain. 

Colt looked at each and every passing stranger. Hopefully one would take it as a challenge and want to fight. He needed a good, ole’ fashioned fist fight. 

A passing Krogan made direct eye contact with Colt and pulled his lips back into a growl. Shepard tensed up and let his biotics flitter across the top of his skin. The Krogan started to slow, his eyes flashing. A wriggling form in the Krogan’s hands caught both his and Shepard’s attention. The Krogan looked down, then turned away from the Commander. 

"Uhhh, guys, was that a varren?" Shepard asked, stopping his rapid approach to the plague area. Instead, he turned to scan the pathway of the rapidly disappearing Krogan. 

"I believe so," Miranda said, "Varren are pretty common on Omega, almost as common as misery and venereal diseases.”

Did Miranda actually try to use humor? What the hell. Next, Jacob might actually find a personality. 

"Let's go check it out," Shepard said quickly. He followed the Krogan closely, hoping to hear what he was saying. 

"Yes, she just gave birth. Just one pup and one hell of a runt," the Krogan roared over his omni-tool, "I'm going to drown the thing. No use for a small Varren - can't even eat it!"

Colt heard enough. He stepped up right behind the Krogan and tapped the brute’s shoulder. As soon as the Krogan turned to face him, Shepard announced, "I'll take it." 

"Shepard, what the hell are you doing?" Miranda hissed. 

"How much?" Shepard asked, looking at the tiny varren. 

"Fifty creds, human," the Krogan rumbled. His reptilian eyes gleamed with the chance to make money. Shepard didn't have a problem with this. Truthfully, he had gotten quite a few creds during the hunt for Saren.

"Done," Colt said. He handed over the creds, and the varren was transferred to his arms. The Krogan wasn’t lying about it being a runt, but he no way was he going to stand on the sidelines and let the poor thing get drowned. 

The Krogan counted the money, and nodded at Colt once he was satisfied he hadn’t been shorted. He turned and faded into the crowd. 

"Have you lost your mind?" Miranda asked. "What the hell are we going to do with a varren?"

Shepard laughed. "I'm not crazy.” 

Miranda lapsed into disturbing silence. 

“We better bring the little thing back to the Normandy. Come on-”

”Do you ever think things through?” Miranda suddenly demanded. She glared at him disapprovingly. 

“Not really. Calm down. It’s not like I just agreed to a Fornax cover shoot. I just got a damn varren,” Colt said.

Miranda’s nostrils flared impressively, but she said nothing. 

“Like I was saying, we’ll just take the varren to Doctor Solus, and then get Archangel,” Shepard said. He didn't want to argue about it. "Mordin will probably have a field day figuring out what to feed it and stuff. Very scientific."

"Shepard, Mordin has better things to do, like finding out how to stop the Collector bugs," she said. Admittedly, her point was pretty good. Dammit. 

Whatever. He was in charge. Fuck Cerberus. Those pieces of shit brought him back. If anything, they owed him. 

“My ship, my rules," Colt growled, “If you have a problem with my decisions, take it up with the Illusive Asshole.” 

Miranda’s eyes blazed and her mouth twitched as she prepared to fire a comeback. The poor woman had no idea that Colt was a bigger bitch and could out douche her on every level.

“You ungrateful son of a bitch,” she said. 

“That’s the thing about bringing back people who just want to be left alone. We tend to be ungrateful. But Cerberus doesn’t care about what I want.”

Miranda blinked a few times while her jaw worked to find words. 

“You never thought of that, did you? You people never do. I was fine, Miranda. I died a hero. And now...,” he trailed off. He set his jaw and bit his tongue. He needed to stop being so fucking whiny. “Now, we need to get back to the Normandy.”

Miranda and Jacob exchanged a concerned look. No doubt their concern was for their experiment. Which body system was malfunctioning now? Which cybernetic part could piece Commander Shepard back together? Which perfectly vetted companion could bring Colt back to life? 

“I want you to know that I don’t blame either of you for how Cerberus treats people. It’s not easy to see your faults when you’re being manipulated,” Colt said. 

“And how does Cerberus treat people, Commander?” Miranda asked. 

“When you were gluing together the slabs of meat labeled ‘Commander Shepard’ did you ever think to yourself that I was, am, a person deserving of respect? Or did you view me as another notch in your achievement belt? Another science experiment to play with? Tell the truth, now,” he said. 

Miranda’s eyes looked at him closely before she cast them to the ground. Jacob stared at his clasped hands. 

“I thought so. Do you wanna know why Cerberus is gonna go down the tubes? It won’t be for a while, but it’ll happen. It’s because you view people as pawns. And as soon as those pawns realize they’re just pieces in a game, things will start to decay quickly for you. Fuck with the wrong people and you’ve got a problem.” 

He waited for a sharp comeback, but got silence instead. Shepard had made his point. “Let’s go,” he said. Pup in hand, Shepard turned around and started towards the Normandy.

 

…

 

Miranda thought Shepard was the purest Paragon the galaxy had to offer. Sure, he was a little cross with Cerberus, but that was to be expected. The Illusive Man warned her that he would probably be unhappy with the organization at first. He also told her not to say anything back. ‘Fuel for the fire’ were his exact words. 

No other Spectre came close to his stellar record. No innocents killed. No Spectre scandals. Even the council had to grudgingly admit that they had stumbled upon a person, a human no less, that upheld everything a Spectre was supposed to stand for. Despite Miranda’s disappointment with his personality, she never questioned his honor or morality. Perhaps it was time to rethink. 

Minutes earlier, Jacob, Shepard, and she were speaking to a high ranking Batarian from the Blue Sons while he fixed a gunship. When they were done talking, Shepard calmly walked behind the alien, and shoved some sort of electrical conduit into his back. The Batarian writhed in pain for a few seconds as electricity flowed through him before his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Zero emotion crossed Shepard’s face. Without a word, he surveyed the scene for a few seconds before turning and heading for Archangel's position. 

No doubt the Illusive Man was watching through the cameras attached to all three ground members. Hopefully he would understand Shepard's motivation.

…

 

Archangel was Garrus Vakarian? Even Cerberus's vast range of information and resources hadn't pointed to this outcome. It made a lot of sense, but Miranda still found herself surprised. That didn't happen a lot.

None of that seemed to matter to Shepard, however. He was grinning madly and she saw the connection that only close friends possessed. Garrus seemed equally pleased with Shepard's sudden appearance.

"Weren't you dead, Shepard?" Garrus asked. He was peering at the Commander quizzically.

"Sure was. Cerberus brought me back, Miranda mostly," Shepard said while gesturing towards her. He smiled warmly at her for a second before turning back. Miranda’s hopes lifted. 

"I heard some rumors surrounding you. Seems like Liara had something to do with them," Garrus said. 

The Commander’s body tensed up and his jaw set harshly. An awkward silence blanketed the group. A few moments passed before Shepard said, “Ya, well-”

The telltale noise of a gun ship's engines echoed around their position. A hand grabbed Miranda’s shoulder and shoved her down behind a shredded couch. 

“Garrus! Take cover!” Shepard bellowed. A moment later, bullets screeched past her position as the gun ship’s weapon roared. 

When the onslaught of bullets paused, she stuck her head up to fire back. Shepard was walking backwards towards her, dragging something in front of him. 

“Save him,” The Commander ordered. He deposited an unconscious and bloody Garrus next to her. 

“I’ll try, Commander.” 

The look that Shepard gave her made it clear that there would be no trying, only doing. 

Shepard gave her one more measured look before running back towards the chaos. Miranda detached the medical kit from her back. She opened the turians mouth only to find ungodly amounts of blood and broken teeth. 

 

…

 

“How’s the varren?” 

“Well. Weaned in a week. Have formula ready,” Mordin said. He held the tiny creature in his arms. 

“What’s the sex?” Miranda asked. 

“Female.” 

“Any name ideas?” 

“Must talk to Shepard,” he said quickly. “Maybe Rosebud,” he added. 

“That’s a good name,” Miranda trailed off. It was a strange day when the most normal happening was Mordin Solus cuddling a varren. 

“How’s Shepard?” Mordin asked suddenly. 

“He’s set up camp just outside the Med-Bay. He seems pretty torn-up about Garrus. I tried to talk to him, but he just waved me away.” 

“Least he cares. Garrus?” 

“I don’t know, honestly. But I do know that if anyone can save him, it’s Doctor Chakwas.”

 

…

 

“Jesus Christ, Garrus. Just slap on the blue finger paints and no one will even realize that you went head-to-head with a fucking rocket,” Colt laughed. Was it bad that he really was having a hell of a time telling which side of Garrus’s face had been hamburger meat only a few hours ago? Thank God his armour was somewhat damaged on the hit side or Colt would never know. 

“All the asari were overlooking you for me. I had to level the playing field somehow.” 

“Only a true a friend would blow their goddamn face off just so I could have a chance,” Colt said. He pretended to wipe away tears. 

Garrus started to laugh. “Dammit, Shepard. Don’t make me laugh. My face is being held together with some determined crafting putty and merch tears.” 

“I know the feeling,” Shepard said while gesturing to the scars crisscrossing his face. 

“Speaking of which...Cerberus?” 

Colt looked around suspiciously. He wanted to talk to Garrus openly and honestly about the situation but they were always listening. “EDI, go into privacy mode please,” Shepard said. 

“Yes, Commander.” 

Garrus waited a moment before asking, “Do you really think that does anything?” 

“Nope.” 

“Hmmm,” Garrus hummed. 

“Oh well. They already know what I’m about to tell you. They know I don’t have a choice. I’m shackled here. And believe me when I say that I hate it more than anyone. The Alliance cut ties with me. My Spectre status has been revoked. I have nowhere to go,” he admitted. 

“The Alliance cut ties?” Garrus sounded surprised, “Aren’t you their wonder child? I didn’t think you could do anything wrong.” 

“They haven’t formally cut ties. But Anderson told me that I’d be receiving zero help from them.” 

“I don’t even know what to say,” the turian said. He shook his head. “How could they do this to you?” 

“I wish I knew. I thought they were going to take me back. I mean, why wouldn’t they? But they aren’t and now I’m fucked.”

“It doesn’t help that the council is being a bunch of assholes about your Spectre status.”

“At least that isn’t surprising,” Colt rolled his eyes, “But I actually will be getting my status back. Tevos told me that it would take a few weeks to get reinstated but that she’ll get it done.” 

“Do you believe her?” 

“Ya,” Colt said, “Even the council recognizes that I’m a damn good Spectre. Plus, Tevos and I go way back.” He smiled at how true his statement was. 

“I’m sure you do,” Garrus laughed. He nudged Shepard’s shoulder and flared his mandibles. 

Shepard laughed before saying, “Anyways, that’s where I’m at. How have you been for...two years?” 

“Oh, you know. Fine. Traveled a lot. Became a vigilante. Killed lots of baddies of Omega. Got new armor. Which, by the way, is scratched now.” 

“Just scratched, huh?” Colt asked, eyeing the gaping hole in the neck guard. 

“It’ll buff right out.” 

Shepard started cracking up. It was good to have Garrus back. “Man, I missed you,” he admitted. 

“I missed you too, buddy. I missed you, too,” Garrus said while giving Colt a hearty pat on the shoulder. The two lapsed into comfortable silence. Shepard forgot what it was like to just shut the fuck up and enjoy another’s presence. The Cerberus henchmen seemed to think that constant conversation was the key to friendship. 

“I hope you have room for one more,” Garrus said suddenly. 

“Of course. You thinking about joining me again?” 

“Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t miss running around the galaxy with my arrogant commander for anything. It’ll be just like old times. That is, if you’re still a cocky asshole.” 

“Ummm, duh. Cerberus didn’t change anything vital.” 

“Oh good, I was a bit worried. I’m happy to hear that some things never change,” the turian said, “Have you heard anything from anyone else?” 

“Nothing. All I know is that Liara’s on Illium. That’s it.” 

“How long have you been,” the turian clicked his mandibles against his face, “alive? Revived, maybe? What do you call it?” 

“Revived, I guess. And it’s only been about a week and a half since.” 

“I just think you need to give everyone time. It’s quite a shock, even for me, to see you alive and well.” 

“Ya, I guess. I just thought everyone would come back with their arms open. Just like you and Joker,” Shepard said. 

“Joker?” Garrus asked confusedly. 

“Why’s that surprising?” 

“He was all torn up about you, Shepard. Hell, we all were. But he seemed to be crippled by guilt. No pun intended. I just didn’t think he’d come back to flying.” 

“Hmmm,” Colt rumbled. He didn’t know this. So much for Cerberus telling him everything. “Make yourself at home, Garrus. I’ll send someone to give you a tour of the SR-2. We’ll be stopping off at Illium tomorrow.” 

“Sounds good, Commander.” 

Colt nodded to the turian before striding to the conference room door. “Oh, one more thing, Garrus,” Shepard said. He walked back over and started to undo one of his pockets. He gently pulled out the tiny baby varren before presenting it to Garrus, “Meet Rosebud.”


	23. Realizations

Garrus and Mordin were tearing up Illium while he visited Liara. The thought of them awkwardly standing in her office and watching the reunion take place made Colt puke in his mouth a little. 

The reunion, and eating ice cream, were the only things he was truly looking forward to. Everything else was just...old news. Somehow not worth it. Colt was still trying to figure out how to live after dying, and it wasn’t going great. Maybe Liara could pull his head out of his ass. 

Jesus. Seeing her after two years was a gift. For the first time, Colt actually wanted to thank Cerberus. 

Maybe they weren’t so bad. They did let him keep Rosebud. They did revive him, and so far they weren’t telling him what to do. They gave him whatever he wanted. They didn’t push. If Colt needed time, he was given it. If he needed to visit his girlfriend on Illium, there were no objections.

No. The Illusive Man wanted him to think they were his friends. This was how it started. Give him a long leash. Lull him into friendship. Bide your time and then rein him in. Colt was no stranger to being used. 

“Did you hear me, Commander?” 

“Uh ya, umm-” 

“Nyxeris.” 

“Right, I knew that,” He muttered. 

“No varren in the broker’s office,” she said while crossing her arms. 

“Are you really gonna tell a Spectre that? Especially an emotionally compromised Spectre?” Colt said. 

She scowled but said nothing. 

This was it. After two very short years, the dream team was back together. Colt couldn't contain his excitement any longer. He charged into Liara’s office without so much as knocking. Whatever. He was back from the dead; he shouldn’t have to knock, goddamit. 

She was talking to someone via vid comm, but that didn't stop his biotics from flowing on his skin and generally twisting around his body. Oh fuck. The last thing he needed right now was to lose control. He tried to halt the building biotic energy, but his heightened emotions far overpowered his logical reaction. A singularity exploded from his hands, sending Liara, Rosebud, and Colt above the ground. Liara looked stunned for a second, which, given the circumstances, was completely understandable.

Hopefully she recognized him. Hell, he just had a few orange scars, shouldn't be too hard. Luckily, her confused look turned into something far more intense. She scanned him with her bright, luminous eyes and Colt felt his heart skip a beat. He attempted to stop feeding the singularity, only to be met with an intense pain at the base of his skull. Luckily, his biotics did start to recede, dropping Liara to the floor before he crashed to the ground himself. 

“Sorry,” he coughed out, “Cerberus decided on some sketchy upgrades.” He rolled from his side to his back and concentrated on remembering where he was. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. When he opened his eyes, she was standing above him with a furrowed brow. 

“Never been better,” he grunted. He clambered to his feet, all the while trying to ignore the pulses of pain radiating from the base of his skull. 

“Biotics?” She asked. 

“Cerberus thought I wasn’t a good enough deal for four billion creds, so they threw in some upgrades,” Shepard replied.

Putting on the cool guy front was a must considering the sad little stunt he just pulled. So he sauntered over to her desk and shot her his douchiest grin before saying, “Illium, huh? Wouldn’t have guessed it.” He flicked the dirt off his collar before crossing his arms and leaning against her desk. 

Liara stared at him before bursting out laughing. 

“Was it really that bad?” He whined, “You’re not supposed to laugh at Commander Shepard, you know. It hurts my ego.” 

Liara shook her head with a grin but said nothing. 

Colt said, “It makes me uncomfortable when you don’t say anything. I feel pressured to talk when I really should shut up. Like right now. And if you continue to stay silent, I will continue to spout nonsense. Do you reall-” 

She pulled him into a kiss that was probably the most unsatisfying thing ever felt. She pulled away almost as quickly as she had started in, leaving a very sad Colt in her wake.

"Shepard, how are you?" Liara spoke the words hesitantly, like he was some karate-wielding-foe instead of a loving boyfriend.

"Living the dream. You?" He asked. Colt usually had no qualms about speaking his mind, but oh lordy, lord did he have them now. He was dancing around the reunion they both wanted. Hell, Liara was dancing around the reunion they both wanted. She started the small talk thing and Shepard found himself unable to break it.

“Ya, me too.” 

"I'm also a dad," Shepard said after an awkward silence descended. 

"What!?" Before, Liara had been cold and almost emotionless, while this word was said with the anger of a Krogan in a tutu. Shepard smiled at her change in tone and opened the pocket of his cargo pants. Almost immediately Rosebud's head popped out. Shepard thought that she was the cutest thing ever to inhabit the universe and watched as she panted and looked around the room curiously. 

."Shepard, you have a varren in your pocket," she said. Apparently it was important to establish this.

"I know, her name is Rosebud," Colt said. He watched as his two favorite girls eyed each other.

"Why exactly do you have a varren in your pocket?" Liara's voice slipped back into a disinterested tone. Hopefully his story would bring her back. He started telling the Tale of Rosebud.

"I see," she said after his dramatized retelling. It hadn't worked. Her tone was still professional and distant. 

What was worse was that she then promptly asked him for a favor and never once broke character from some cold emotionless thing. He also noted how pale she looked, how unhealthy.

Shepard left with a hacking job and Liara stayed on Illium. He tried not to notice how wrong it felt not having her on the Normandy.

...

 

"Are you Commander Shepard?" A woman about thirty years old said. She approached the trio traveling through Illium. This would be pretty routine; after all, he had done something similar thousands of times.

"Yes, I am," Shepard responded arrogantly. What he expected was around a million thank yous and a good job. What he got was one of the hardest slaps ever felt in the history of forever.

"I bet you don't even know how many people you killed just to save some crustaceous politicians, you arrogant son-of-a–bitch," the woman screeched. Shepard honestly didn't know what was happening and, what was worse, was that they were right below Liara's office. It would be weird explaining how he got manhandled by some stranger.

"Look lady. I have no idea what you're talking about but I'll give you a gold star for approaching three heavily armed people with an attitude like that," he said. Shepard needed sunglasses right now. He needed the hater glasses that everyone else on his team seemed to own. If he was going to be an asshole he might as well go full out and wear sunglasses while doing it.

"You don't even realize what you did, do you? Two years ago you decided to save the Council at the cost of hundreds of human lives. My-my husband was one of them. You killed him, you bastard!" She said. 

Shepard knew what she was talking about. He had killed hundreds to save the Council and Destiny Ascension. The decision was made when he heard the captain and helmsman on the Destiny Ascension pleading for help, and without a second thought, he allowed Alliance ships to save them. Shepard was becoming shockingly good at thinking of people as statistics.

"Ma'am, your husband's death wasn't in vain. If I had allowed the Council to die, the political repercussions would have been felt throughout the galaxy," Shepard told her. It sounded good, but he didn't know if it was true or if he was just a master at bull shitting.

"Keep telling yourself that, Commander," she snorted. With that, the woman stormed away and Colt lost her in a crowd of people.

 

...

 

To say that Miranda was worried was an understatement. She wanted to curl up in her cabin, and she wasn’t even the target of the woman’s words. 

It was clear that Shepard had never considered the hundreds of Alliance marines that had died. This was troubling considering his psych profile suggested he wasn't the greatest at coping with loss and a few hundred added to the mix wouldn't be good. His records repeatedly pointed out a high level of empathy and an almost perfect record of paragon actions.

Her worry turned to downright fear when he stood frozen for a solid two minutes. Nobody seemed to move. It was like all of Illium was holding its breath for Shepard. 

She glanced at Garrus nervously, hoping an old friend could pull the Commander from his trance. Unfortunately, the turian seemed equally flustered.

Right when Miranda was about to say something Shepard simply turned and said, "Find some information on the two new recruits. I need to do something." Then he turned and walked away.

...

For the rest of the day Liara found herself unable to concentrate. Colt was back, he was back! Everything felt so unreal, so unstable. She had grown complacent with her job as widower and the fact that Shepard was alive hadn't registered. She could say it a million times out loud but no part of her would actually feel it. The world was still an eerie shade of black when it should have been lit by the sun. 

Maybe going home would be beneficial. She needed to take it easy and consider everything that had happened. She started the tedious process of packing all her stuff for the day. She stacked a series of datapads on top of each other before reaching for her carrying case. 

The door to her office opened with a hum. “Thanks for the heads up, Nyxeris, but I’m already heading out. See you tomorrow,” Liara said. 

When her assistant failed to reply, Liara looked up to find a very pitiful Shepard. Something was clearly wrong as he swayed unsteadily and slouched oddly. Goddess, was he hurt? She looked him over for any injuries before another thought occurred to her. "Shepard, are you drunk?" She asked. Liara couldn't help but smile at the sight before her. 

Shepard, in complete Shepard style, bypassed her question and instead asked, "Am I a good person?" What a weird thing to ask.

"I can honestly say that you're the best person I've ever met," Liara said. She wasn't lying.

"How-how can you say that?" He said, before slumping to the ground. His back was pressed against the wall while his head was buried in his hands. 

"I don't know a lot of people who would go out of their way to save some archeologist who was dumb enough to get herself trapped or someone who would save a baby varren," she said. Shepard was staring at his hands as if they had grown another finger.

"I killed hundreds of innocent people for the Council!" Shepard spat his last word out, before adding more quietly, "I didn't even think about it, just gave the order. What kind of person kills hundreds and doesn't even give them the courtesy of remembering?"

This was not a good thought train for someone who was currently saving the galaxy. "Shepard, now is not the time to grieve the lost. Once this war is over, we'll have all the time in the world to remember," she told him. 

Colt looked at her for a long time with clear eyes. Maybe he wasn’t drunk after all. If it wasn’t alcohol, then what was it? 

He slowly got to his feet. He looked at her once more before turning for the door and walking out a lot more sober than he should have been. 

His problems were saved for another day. A day in the not so distant future. For now, they had to balance Colt’s mind on borrowed time.


	24. Mom

"Chambers?" Colt called out from his private terminal.

"Yes, sir?" She asked, turning from her console. Shepard honestly didn't know what she did on it, because he never saw any evidence of her work. She probably sent reports to the Illusive Man.

"Can you see what's wrong with my terminal? My inbox has a message from Hannah Shepard," he replied back. His private terminal had never malfunctioned before, but there was always a first for everything.

"Yes, sir. It will only take a minute," Kelly said. Faint clicks danced through the air as she typed away at her console. 

Right when Shepard reached the elevator, she called out again, "Sir, there isn't anything wrong with your terminal or messages."

"What?" he said a little louder than intended. Almost everyone in the CIC turned to look at him. Colt didn't care, however, he wanted EDI to run a scan. Kelly couldn't be trusted with her ties to Cerberus and creepy attachments to all living things.

"EDI, can you please check out my terminal? Hannah Shepard died years ago," he said. Time made that sentence comfortable. 

"Yes, running scans now," EDI said. She was an incredible piece of the Normandy and could produce information in the blink of an eye, but Shepard hadn't quite realized how fast that really was. "Your terminal, and private messages seem to be in working order. I also checked reports and records regarding a Hannah Shepard in the Alliance. They seem to be at odds with your belief that she is dead."

"What does that mean?"

"Commander, perhaps it is a good idea to contact Captain Hannah Shepard. Find out who she is," EDI said calmly.

"Good idea. Please contact her ship, EDI," he ordered. And with that, Shepard headed off to the comm. room.

…

 

A young woman appeared over the vid comm. “Commander Shepard?” She asked. 

"Yes, are you Admiral Shepard?" he said. Relief washed over him, helping to calm his fried nerves. This woman was way too young to be his mother.

"No, I'm her comm. specialist. She was too busy to pick up this call, but she wants to meet you on the Citadel tomorrow at thirteen hundred," she said.

Colt was thinking that perhaps this was a trap. It seemed oddly convenient that she couldn't take the call. "Alright, where?" 

"Near the Citadel Memorial," the young woman said.

"Thank you. Commander Shepard out," he said. He cut the transmission and let the room descend into darkness. 

Goddamit. Now he had to worry about something else. If it wasn’t Liara’s personality change, it was his dead mom. Honestly, he’d be surprised if his dad didn’t crawl out of the ground at some point. 

 

…

 

Liara wondered what was going to happen to the Shepard memorial on Illium now that he was back. It wasn't the only memorial, and certainly wasn't the grandest, but it stood next to her apartment. If it ever seemed like she was going to have a good day, the statue of Colt would remind her of her situation. It was remarkably detailed; anyone could look at it and know who it was. Liara's only problem with it was how serious it looked. Shepard rarely looked serious - he was usually laughing or making a joke that made little sense. Even on missions he was smiling. It reminded her of a dream she kept having. In it she would be sitting at her desk in the SR-1 and then she would look behind her and Shepard would be smiling that smile Liara had only ever seen when she was around. They would stand like that for a few minutes, just standing and smiling until a tremendous shiver went through the Normandy. Shepard's smile turned into fear. He would start running out and then he would just disappear. She wouldn't see his body floating in space, he would just be...gone.

The statue's plaque read 'Commander Shepard-Savior of the Citadel. April 11, 2154 - January 13, 2184.' Liara had tried to stop herself from reading it, but after a particularly bad day she was too curious to stop herself. It was then that she noticed he had died on the thirteenth, an unlucky number in human culture. She avoided the thirteen from then on. She wasn't a superstitious person, but why take a chance? 

"Doctor T'Soni?" Nyxeris poked her head in her office. "We have more information on the Shadow Broker, but it'll require someone who's familiar with hacking."

 

…

 

Shepard stood in the shadow of the Citadel Memorial. It loomed over him like some poorly veiled threat. Much to his surprise, the plaque didn’t read: “You did a lot, but not enough.” It really should have. 

A day ago he’d been doing simpleton things. Things like planning his trip to Tuchanka, getting biotic training from Samara, and thinking about if he really sent his crew into a suicide mission two and a half times a day. Now he was waiting to see if Admiral Hannah Shepard was his mother. It was an odd turn around. He brought along Rosebud partly out of habit, and partly because he needed moral support.

He’d just recruited the asari Justicar, Samara. She was cold and much too serious, but she helped him with biotics and he couldn't say no to her impressive skills. He didn't really know why he didn't like her, but he suspected it was because she felt like a replacement for Liara. That wasn't okay. She was also way too mature for his likings. One kinda offensive joke, and he had to pray to keep his throat. 

"Colt?" A reluctant voice called out behind him. He turned and saw a flash of a familiar face before being pulled into a bear hug. His shirt quickly dampened under the woman’s hidden face. When she finally pulled away, her eyes were bloodshot but she looked good. She looked like his mother. She was in her late 60’s. Serving until a marine turned eighty wasn't uncommon, with some older exceptions like Hackett.

"Is that really you, Mom?" Shepard sounded uninterested even to himself.

"Well, that depends. Are you are in fact Colt Shepard. Are you scared of bears, needles, and mice? Is your girlfriend named Liara T'Soni?" Hannah asked playfully. 

"I am not afraid of mice, I'm just reluctant to see one or touch one or think about them or dream about them," Shepard cleared his throat before continuing, "I'm also not positive where Liara and I stand. She is sorta... different. How do you know about her anyways?"

"Cerberus had to get you somehow, so we teamed up. I like her a lot, Colt. Don't hurt that poor girl," Hannah said, all while effortlessly gliding back into Mom.

"I'm trying not to, but I don't know what to do," he said. He reached down to stroke Rosebud after he felt her shifting in his pocket. "But hey, it looks like I have someone else you might want to meet." Shepard opened his pocket, and Rosebud's little head popped out.

Hannah immediately reached out and started petting her. Rosebud had already gained several pounds in the week Shepard had her. "How cute!" She said. 

A thought occurred to Colt as he watched his mom coddle Rosebud. "So...Mom, where have you been for…I don't know...twelve years?" He said. Red was starting to cloud over his vision. Hate he never knew existed started to climb to the top of his consciousness. He had no one to blame but himself for a long time, and now here she was-a root cause of Colt’s half-lived life. 

Hannah straightened back out, and looked him in the eye before saying, "I was doing a mission in the Terminus, and was captured by Batarians. They held me for years until an Alliance vessel saved me."

"I lived on the streets for two years! Two fucking years! Do you have any idea how difficult it was raising a four-year-old in the streets?" Shepard said, "Horrible things happened! I had to do unspeakable things!" His voice cracked. "We...we were abused in the foster homes we were sent to. It was so cold during winter that I would wake up surprised I was still alive."

"Colt... I'm sorry. If I could've come back, I would have," she said, tears brimming in her eyes. 

"Why’d you leave? You could’ve stayed with Dad and Alex and I. Why’d you have to leave? Everything would be different now if you had just fucking stayed!” He shouted.

"Colt...I...I," She stammered. 

He was done with this day. Absolutely done. And like any good coward, he fled back to the Normandy without so much as a goodbye. 

 

…

 

“Commander, you have a new message at your private terminal,” Kelly said. 

“Thanks.” 

He walked over to his console and opened up unread messages. Unsurprisingly, there was a message from his mother. 

Dear Colt,

 

First of all, I hope this is you and not some stranger. My comm. specialist seemed pretty sure this was you. 

I heard you were back from the dead. It looks like we have something in common: we both have graves. The only difference is Cerberus. You’ll have to explain that one sometime. 

I’m sorry that our conversation ended like it did. I understand your anger. I really do. But I think we need to start over again. Let me know when you want to restart. 

Hope I see you soon, 

Mom


	25. Uncertainty and Wires

"Do you even remember what Cerberus did? What they did to innocent people, to that Major?" 

Shepard's conversation with Ashley echoed in his mind. 

"Yes, I do. But I can't just say no. Hell, they brought me back, and besides, I need their resources. And it’s not like the Alliance is rolling out the Welcome Wagon," Shepard said. At the time, he thought his argument valid.

"You've changed. I can see that by just looking at your face," Ashley said. A day later and her comment still left a sour taste in his mouth. 

"Well, I know it's hard to believe, but they actually made me even more handsome," He said, even trying his grin that Liara mentioned. Looking back, it didn't work. Not even kinda. 

"It seems like your humor is intact or at least your talent at being a total asshole," she said. Shepard was still trying to figure out if she was kidding.

"Ha-ha, very funny, but now we've come to the part where you join the Normandy," he said. 

"You don't get it, do you? Joining Cerberus is the worst thing I could possibly do. It's the worst possible thing you could do!"

"Come on Ashley! Do you really believe I've changed? After all we've been through?" 

"Yes.”

That conversation happened a day ago, and Colt was powerless to get it out of his mind. She looked him straight in the eye when she accused him of being different. She didn’t stutter or look away. Her words were sincere.

Maybe he was different. Maybe Ashley was right. 

Maybe there was a way to see if he was real. 

...

 

"Miranda? Can I ask you a question?" The usually confident Commander walked into her office timidly. 

"Sure, what's up Shepard?" Miranda asked. She hoped this would be quick. Loads and loads of paperwork were waiting for her. 

"How many fingers are actually... you know...me?" The Commander asked. He was staring intently at her face.

"Is there a problem?" Miranda asked, only half focusing on this bizarre conversation.

"Nope, I'm just curious," Shepard said. His nervous tone peaked her interest, drawing her from various datapads. 

"Three, Shepard. Your right hand didn't have any fingers left.” 

He left without another word.

…

 

Colt stood in his roomy bathroom holding his combat knife. He’d thoroughly sterilized it; the only thing left to do was cut. He held his right hand over the sink and cut deeply into his middle finger. Immediately a thick, clear liquid started seeping out. He pulled the cut open to get a better view inside. Colt could see glowing orange wires mixed in with a few metallic pieces running the length of the cut.

"Commander, Miranda is at the door." EDI's voice startled Shepard away from his finger.

"Let her in, and tell her I'll be there in a moment," Colt said. He looked back down at his finger only to realize it already stopped bleeding...or whatever. Hopefully Miranda wouldn’t even notice the cut. 

Shepard mentally prepared himself for Miranda's wrath before walking out. She was sitting on his couch peacefully. A good sign. Then she opened her mouth. "What was that finger question all about?"

"Like I said, I was curious," Shepard said, his voice never wavering. Lying was getting really easy.

"Let me see your hands," Miranda said. Fuck. Shepard reluctantly held out his hands, and Miranda inspected each finger until she found the rapidly disappearing scar.

"What the hell, Shepard? We're having enough trouble dealing with the Collectors without you going and cutting your damn fingers,” she said. 

"I just had to see what this," Colt gestured to his body, "is." His voice sounded whiny, but at least Miranda appeared to soften up.

"Shepard," Miranda let out a long, heavy sigh, "It's true that you're almost all cybernetic, but the one thing that matters isn't." She knocked on her head and smiled a little. Her eyes darkened with something, maybe pity? 

"Are you lying to me Miranda?" He asked. She was probably an even better liar than Shepard.

"No," Miranda said a little too quickly, "I'm serious. Have any doctor check, and you'll see normal biological functions from your brain. Your body, on the other hand, is a different story; over half of you is cybernetic. Now come on, let's go down to the mess."

"No, I'll stay here," Colt said. He wasn't ready to deal with other people's problems.

"Shepard..." Miranda started, her voice strained.

"I'll be fine, Miranda. I just need time," Colt said. He stood and walked her to the door. Despite the worried look on her face, she left without further complaints.

Had he changed though? The conversation with his Mom was a fucking nightmare. Before his...upgrade, he would’ve been kind to his mother. Before he would have never screamed at her or blamed her for things out of her control. Before he would've swept Liara right back off her feet, and he wouldn't have found himself without her.

Everyone he’d been close to was gone, either forging their own path or pushed away. Normal Colt wouldn't have done that. That Shepard would have forgiven his mom or, even better, he wouldn't of thought it was Hannah's fault at all. Normal Shepard would have felt something when he had electrocuted that unarmed Batarian. 

Cerberus created a super soldier. He found that he could lift more, run longer, and faster. He was better. But was he Colt? 

Liara would know if he’d changed. Liara was smart, she would know. She had to know. He was a bit reluctant to ask. The last time they talked he was not in a good place. Not that he was in a good place now, but at least he wasn’t crumpled on her floor. It was fine. She understood. And besides, he had to ask. Nothing would get done without Liara's opinion. So he called her up on vid comm.

When she finally picked up, she was looking down at what he assumed was her desk. "T'Soni Information, what can I do for you?" She said. 

"I like your little intro, it's pretty cute," he said. That would get her attention.

Liara sighed tiredly and said, "I only find information, sir." Then she looked up and a huge smile spread across her face. "Thank Goddess it's only you. What's up, Shepard?"

No use in stalling, so he dived into the heart of the issue. "Have I changed?" He asked. 

Liara looked confused before saying, "I think that the only thing that has changed is your alcohol tolerance." It was settled, Colt would only be known for his drinking habits.

"Something's different, Liara. I cut my hand earlier and what came out was clear, not red. That is not normal.” 

"You didn't expect to have natural biochemistry after what happened to you, did you?" 

"Well, no. It was still a shock though. I thought at least I would look normal. You know - red blood and no wires," Shepard said. He only ever sounded whiny these days.

"Look I saw you when you were...and it doesn't surprise me that a lot of you is cybernetic. I believe that whatever modifications were made, weren't made to you. Your mind is intact, and that's what's important," Liara said. She looked so damn tired. 

"How would you know?"

Liara sighed for the billionth time, and simply said, "Trust me, I would know if you had changed."


	26. Crew Conversations

Samara

"Am I doing this right?" Shepard asked Samara.

"No, not at all," Samara answered.

"What? I'm doing everything you said," Shepard shot back.

"You're not supposed to talk, at all," she said calmly.

"Meditation sucks," Shepard muttered under his breath. Supposedly, sitting on the floor in front of a huge ass window was supposed to give him better control over his biotics. 

"Perhaps it would not suck if you were silent," she said. Her eyes were closed while biotics ran over her skin. Colt had been fidgeting for a good twenty minutes now, but Samara hadn't mentioned anything up until this point. 

"I'll try," Shepard said. He felt bad disturbing her meditation, but this was one of the most boring moments of any of his lives. Humming in his head might pass the time. 

"Shepard?" Samara remained calm.

"Yes?" Shepard asked, a little upset that his intense solo had been interrupted. 

"Humming also counts as talking.” 

Colt remained silent for a whole hour after that.

…

Mordin

"Shepard. Need something?" Mordin asked. He was looking down at something, no doubt discovering the cure for every disease. Naturally, Colt had to interrupt.

"Does Sur'Kesh have mythical animals?" Shepard asked.

Mordin looked up and asked," Why?"

"Paperwork is boring, and the extranet isn't. I found an article about the Chupacabras, and now I'm interested in mythical animals," Shepard explained.

"There is-," Shepard's translator didn't quite pick up the word, "Looks Salarian, nasty thing, water based, brownish-green, smells awful." Colt liked the fact that Mordin didn't even think it was a weird question. Instead the salarian choose to roll with it. 

"Any stories to go with it?" Colt enjoyed scary stories probably more than he should have. 

"Pulls in victims near water, drowns them, very unfortunate," the Salarian said. Would Shepard ever have to explain to anyone why he liked Mordin?

"Earth has something similar, called the Swamp Beast. Man, can I tell you stories..."

…

EDI

"So EDI, what's the meaning of life?" Shepard awkwardly asked the ceiling. He was reassured when EDI responded intelligently.

"I don't think I can answer that question, Commander. However, many searches of human literature say something similar to, 'Everyone's life has a different meaning,’" EDI paused a moment before saying, "Also the number 42 is referenced."

Shepard needed something even harder. "What's my middle name?"

"Lawrence. Shepard, if you are trying to make me trip up, it won't work," EDI’s words were challenging, but her voice was neutral.

"Bill rode into town on Monday, and stayed three days, and then left on Friday. How is this possible?" Shepard was never one to give up the chance to ask an AI trivia and riddles.

"Bill's horse is named Friday," EDI sounded bored, even though her voice supposedly never changed.

"What's my favorite poem?" Shepard said. No way EDI would never know this. 

"Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost," EDI replied. Motherfucker. 

"How exactly did you know that?" 

"A reporter asked you that question approximately four years ago. Your response was Nothing Gold Can Stay. My search engines are very good, Commander. I found out about your answer in point zero zero zero one two seconds," she said. The numbers hurt Shepard's brain.

"Alright, here's another one. What's Liara's favorite animal? Please say it’s an octopus."

…

Thane

"Shepard, do you have someone special?" Thane asked.

"Uhh, why do you ask?" The question threw Shepard.

"We're going on a suicide mission, yes? If I have learned anything, you need someone to come back to during difficult missions," Thane answered. Damn him and his reasonable advice! 

"I don't really know. We were really close, and then I... died. Her name is Liara, we used to be on the SR-1 together," Colt said. There was something about Thane that made him easy to talk to. Maybe it was because he wasn’t all judgy. "How about you?"

"I had someone, a long time ago. I loved her very much, but being an assassin didn't make me a lot of friends," Thane said, "People like us don't stick around long, perhaps you should talk to Liara."

…

Joker

"So how's EDI working out?" Shepard asked. Joker was never one to disappoint.

"You know, when I joined Cerberus I had never thought I would get a second mom," Joker said. 

"Oh come on, she can't be that bad," Shepard said. EDI's blue orb popped up.

"I make one little change to some reports and she's over there saying, 'Jeff, you can't do that, Jeff that's against protocol,' Good lord!" Joker was waving his arms around madly.

"I see, and exactly what were you changing?" Shepard asked.

"Nothing big, just reports to the Illusive Man, making it seem we're getting a lot done faster," Joker explained calmly.

"I see no problem. If the Illusive Man wants his nose in every piece of business, then we might as well make it seem like we're super human. Impress the boss a little," he said. Shepard agreeing to his plan impressed Joker enough to turn and look him over. They nodded at each other, and Colt was on his way again.

…

Jack

"Shepard...What do you want?" Jack's voice never failed to sound disinterested.

"Just wanted to chat.” 

"Bullshit, what do you actually want?" Her eyes gleamed dangerously.

"I mean it. I just want to talk with my friend," Shepard said. He held up his hands in surrender.

"What makes you think that we're friends?" Jack said, her eyes narrowing. 

"Because once upon a time I was just like you, and now we’re friends through similar experiences," Colt said, folding his arms defiantly.

"I don't think that's how it works.” 

"New rule.” 

Jack looked at him and started laughing, "You're quick, I'll give you that, but I seriously doubt you’ve had the same shit happen to you."

"Probably true, but I'll bet you anything I had the same worldview as you do," Shepard said. Bitterness controlled him for a long, long time. It hung over the past like a dark cloud. 

"And what world view would that be?"

"Why me? I am a good person, so why was I chosen? And don’t even get me started on the bitterness. I can’t describe that pit. I can only feel it. And yes, I still feel it. Maybe I always will, but the better part of me ignores and re-shifts my perspective. I have to. I don’t wanna’ feel like everyone is only there to take. And you know what else? I always felt like I saw the world for what it was-innately evil. Everyone is naive. They haven’t seen the universe like I have. Give ‘em a few years and they’ll see. And can you believe the shit that people get away with? Just awful human beings getting by or worse, loving life. How can I be suffering while they get everything they’ve ever wanted?”

Jack looked stunned for a second before recovering, "So what made your view change?"

"I had a few good people in my corner. They never took, only gave. If someone could be like that to me, a ranking member of the scum of the universe, there has to be some light. I also started to think in relation to myself. Fuck everyone else. It doesn’t matter if they think you’re right or wrong. You gotta do what’s right for you and only you, or you’ve essentially lost who you are. And there’s nothing worse, Jack, than letting the world take who you are. So don’t give the bastards the satisfaction. Do what you need to do, and do it for you.” 

…

Jacob

"Every time I come in here, all you’re doing is working out," Shepard said. He laughed at how true that statement was.

"I have to maintain my battle-ready body," Jacob said. He sat up from whatever exercise he was doing.

"I like that. Next time I go out, I'll have to drop 'battle-ready body' a couple times," Colt said. 

Jacob was one of the most mediocre people he'd ever met. Nothing even remotely intriguing came from the dude. Hopefully he’d come around soon. Some of his jokes were actually funny.

"So we're going to find my dad's ship soon, right?" Jacob had been asking him this question every time he got the chance.

"Yes, once we recruit everyone," Shepard replied. There was no way he would let down any member of his crew. 

…

Doctor Chakwas

Shepard walked into the medbay, and found Chakwas diligently typing at her private terminal. If there was anyone who matched Shepard's work load, it would be Chakwas. Actually, she probably surpassed him.

"Doctor?" Shepard called out. 

"Oh, hello Shepard. What can I do for you?" Chakwas asked. She never failed to radiate kindness and safety.

"Actually I wanted to thank you," he said. 

"For what?" 

Did she really not know how much everyone adored her?

"For being there for Liara. You know, after my unplanned spacewalk.”

"Shepard, it really was the least I could've done," Chakwas replied.

"Thank you, seriously," he said. Had he ever used the word serious before? Holy shit. What a day! 

He smirked before saying, "I now propose that we break out this bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy."

“Now that is more my speed, Commander.” 

…

Zaeed

"Have I told you about the time that I single handedly wiped out an entire rival merc group?" 

Shepard always loved talking to Zaeed. The guy never had a dull story. 

"I don't think so," Shepard answered.

"Well, you see, when I was first starting up the Blue Suns; we competed with another gang. They were called the Moon Dogs. Stupid fucking name. Anyways, we kept having small-scale fights here and there, but I was getting real tired of ‘em. One of my boys was a mole in their organization, so I had him send them to a warehouse for a Red Sand deal. When they arrived, we locked ‘em in, and we stood in the rafters. We lit the whole place up like a fuckin’ Christmas tree," Zaeed said. 

"I'm no stranger to gang fights; in fact, I got this particular scar," Shepard showed Zaeed the twisted image of a Serpent on his upper arm, “from a boundary dispute." The old merc observed the scar and nodded with an understanding that only experience gives. 

“Jesus Christ, did I ever tell you about that knife fight on Omega?” Zaeed said. 

…

Miranda

"Shepard, what can I do for you?" 

"Well, I'm just here to say thanks for doing a lot of my paperwork. Actually, all of my paperwork," he said. Colt absolutely fucking hated paperwork. Luckily, Miranda was a completely different story. Earlier that day, she came to collect reports and discovered the monstrosity that was Commander Shepard's hand writing. She relieved him of his paperwork duties at neck-breaking speeds.

"No problem, besides I couldn't let you continue to write with, what did you call it? Oh yes, your own font. The public record deserves more than the scribbles of what appears to be a two-year-old on a sugar high," Miranda said. For an instant, she smiled at her own joke before quickly scowling again.

“Don’t you think that’s a little generous?” 

“You’re right. That’s an insult to two-year-olds everywhere.” 

"Oh, now you have a sense of humor,” Shepard said, “But really, thanks again." 

Colt walked towards Miranda's door before she called out again, "Shepard, perhaps the next time we're on the Citadel, we could get lunch?" 

"Sure," Shepard said. He smiled kindly and walked out of her office.

…

Garrus

"Shepard, what's up?" Garrus turned from his calibrations.

"Good God, man. You've actually stopped calibrations," Shepard said. He was honestly impressed.

"It's generally a good idea to keep your big ass guns in working condition." 

"Alright, I'll give you that," Shepard replied.

"Have you talked to Liara recently?" Garrus said. His usually smooth voice held some strain.

"A couple days ago, why?"

"You're just good for each other, Shepard. Don't let that go away.”


	27. Poker Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Why is the quote "Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy," by F. Scott Fitzgerald, so perfect for not just Colt Shepard, but every Shepard?

Is that how humans behaved? Take what they wanted from one another, without thinking? Use others for personal gain? Colt couldn’t quite wrap his mind around Jacob's dad’s actions. All those innocent people turned into slaves. Forced to live like animals. If they somehow managed to survive, their lives were effectively ruined. 

All Alliance members were taught that it was the commanding officer’s job to watch over subordinates. To put those under their command first. Captain Taylor was a disgrace of an Alliance officer. The very worst humanity had to offer. It was sickening. 

Shepard almost broke Captain Taylor’s neck. He could have. He could’ve snapped his spine without even trying. But Colt was better. He was nothing like Ronald Taylor. He would never let himself fall that far again. 

Like that wasn’t enough, Colt had to pull himself from that horrible scene only to be led into Jack's personal hell. He thought two years on the street would be hard to beat for shittiest childhood, but Jack may have taken the cake. It turned out Jack's uncivilized manner had a reasonable origin. The tiny rooms and awful conditions on Pragia sent shivers down his spine. Poor Jack. Holy fuck. At least he’d been able to convince her to spare Aresh’s life. She didn’t have to be what happened to her. 

Afterwards, Colt told her that he was proud of her for rising above. She didn’t say anything but she seemed thankful he’d said something. 

The Illusive Man told him he had nothing to do with it, and Shepard believed him, but if he did…it was open season. 

It’d been a couple of days since all the members were recruited. Some of the missions were fulfilling, some were scary, and none were particularly easy. Colt just couldn’t catch a break. 

He was heading down to engineering to talk to Tali. Hopefully speaking with her would be a nice distraction. In fact, he wanted to do something with the whole crew as a sort of group distraction. The constant missions were taking a toll on everyone.

"Hey Tali, what's up?" He asked. The young Quarian was typing something scientific and boring in her terminal.

"Nothing much, just getting used to the Normandy again," Tali said, glancing at him. Colt couldn’t help but feel proud of her. She’d done so much in her life and remained true to herself. She was a remarkable person who Colt was lucky to know. He was incredibly happy that she’d chosen to rejoin him. 

"Well, I was thinking about doing something with the whole crew, but I've come up with nothing. Any ideas?" He said. 

Donnelly answered, "I've been itching for some Skyllian Five, Commander. Anyone else?"

"Kenneth, you can't just interrupt one of the Commander's most senior members," Gabby scolded. Shepard couldn't wait until they realized their feelings, and not because he had creds riding on them getting together or anything. 

"It's alright. That actually sounds like a great idea. We'll have a Skyllian Five Poker Party. Hell, add some Turian-friendly liquor and we'll get enough blackmail material from Garrus to buy all the engineering upgrades," Shepard said. He could quite easily picture Garrus stumbling around with an unknown object glued to his face. "Alright guys, you gather everyone, while I get materials."

...

"Damn, Shepard. You won again?" Donnelly was staring intently at his cards like they would somehow magically get better. "How do you do it?"

"When you have to talk to politicians and military officials, you develop a great poker face," Shepard replied happily, counting the creds he’d just won. He looked up and discovered the rest of his crew looking around sadly. Losing sucked. "Don't worry guys, I'll break out the booze," Colt said. The mood in the room visibly perked up. 

In the minutes it took to break out the cases of alcohol, the crew lined up at the lounge’s bar. Kasumi was doing her thing and whipping up delicious drinks quickly. Thane and Samara where the only two who held back. Someone turned on music and the volume rose to a roar.

A couple minutes in and a makeshift dance floor had been cleared. Somehow Garrus got pushed into the circle and off he went. The awful realization that Gar-Bear was actually good hit Colt about thirty seconds in, and for the rest of his dance, Shepard could only stare in horror. He thought Garrus was going to be awful. He depended on the turian to reason with his own horrendous dancing.

Next up was Miranda, and she wasn't bad either. Good God. Shepard needed to get very drunk before he danced. It would be his excuse. He started slamming them back before his turn came around. 

About twenty minutes later and an impressive amount of alcohol, it was Shepard's turn. The only little problem in his otherwise foolproof plan was that he wasn’t drunk. Maybe a little tipsy but nothing remarkable. This was...unexpected. Miranda said a lot had changed physically. But losing the ability to drink? Colt couldn’t help but feel robbed. His life rotated around stressful missions and foggy shore leaves. Getting drunk was the official pastime of the Alliance. It was stupid but he couldn’t help but think about how this added to his otherness. He wasn’t really human anymore. Everyone else in the galaxy had a firm understanding of who they were. They were krogan, asari, turian, salarian, drell, whatever. Colt couldn’t say the same. He truly was alone in this one. 

Colt shook his head and forced himself to focus on the superficial - making his crew laugh. He was last to dance and everyone knew. People lined up around the dance floor in anticipation of the coming trainwreck. Everyone had danced and everyone was good. Now he had to ruin their dancing sensibilities.

The room was silent as he stumbled towards his destination. He was an experienced drunk; he could fake it. The music started playing and his body started flapping around. He always felt awkward dancing, and now his awkwardness was on display. He thought he saw someone filming his heroic try, but was to focused on maintaining his drunken lie to know for certain.

The song ended, and the room still remained silent. Shepard looked everyone in the eye and said, "You're welcome." He then proceeded to walk to the couch and fall into it face first. Fuck Cerberus. 

…

Liara was leaving her office for the day when she heard the message charm go off on her data pad. She opened her messages and saw something from Garrus.

Dear Liara,

I recorded this gem earlier and thought you might appreciate it.

0:00-4:43 Commander Shepard Dance

In case you don't have enough time to watch it I highlighted some key parts.

1:15-1:31 Shepard loses all control and seems to be entranced by his own awkward body.

2:27 -3:04 Shepard almost falls down. I can't tell if this is from how drunk he is or if this is part of his dance.

4:31-4:43 Shepard actually believes that he did well. Even takes the time to bow.

Liara, this is the person you have a romantic attachment to. Think about that.

Garrus

…

Shepard stopped at an Illium bar mid-party. It was dimly lit, seedy as all hell, and still somehow nicer than all of Omega. There was a circular bar in the center, the most popular style of bar at the moment, and inside the bar was a higher platform that had vid screens attached to it. A thick haze of smoke and sorrow hung over the entire place like a depressing little cloud. If Colt’s own mood was any indicator, this was where happiness went to die. 

He’d come in because he honestly had no idea where to get drinks by the ton on Illium. He figured the bartender would know. His crew ran out of drinks half way through the party, so he made the decision to do a quick dash to Illium to resupply. He also hoped that he might be able to convince Liara to join the festivities.

"What can I do- hey you're Commander Shepard aren't you?" The Batarian bartender had been cleaning glasses, but leaned in closer. All of his eyes were on Colt, sending a familiar chill ran up his spine. He shook the creeping hatred and reminded himself that not all Batarians were the same. 

"Yes, I am, but I was wondering where I could get a lot of liquor on Illium. Like a lot. See I'm having this small party and we ran out..." Shepard was interrupted before he could explain further.

"Ah yes, I know of several good places to get LOTS of alcohol. Let me give them a call and have them prepare a couple cases for you. Sound good?" The Batarian said pleasantly.

"That would be very kind of you - thanks," Shepard said. He turned to go wait in the back of the bar.

"Wait, I would be a fool to let the Savior of the Citadel walk away without a free drink." The Batarian was already pouring a delicious looking drink.

"Well, that's very nice of you. Thank you," Colt replied. He beamed at the bartender before he sipped on the surprisingly good drink.

"My pleasure," The Batarian replied back. A sinister smile crossed his face for an instant. Colt blinked a few times and dismissed it as paranoia. 

He’d been waiting about five minutes for the Batarian to come back with news on his drinks when he started to feel restless. Colt started to pace around, but the need to sprint was almost overwhelming. People kept glancing at him as he started to walk quicker and quicker until he was almost jogging. The weird part was that he could feel drool dripping down his chin, but every time he wiped it away, more came.

Where the hell was he? He knew he was in a bar, but beyond that, nothing. As an N7 operative, he’d been trained to recognize when something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong. How much of that drink had he drunk? He couldn't remember, but he needed to do something fast.

No one was behind the counter, so he jumped over it. He started flinging bottles to the side in a desperate attempt to find salt. People glanced over but either figured he worked there, or didn't care if he was stealing something. At long last he came up with a bottle of salt. He jumped back over the bar and sprinted to a restroom tucked away towards the back. 

He locked the bathroom’s door and grabbed a nearby cup. He filled it with water before pouring some salt into it. He drank the concoction and vomited into the sink a moment later. 

"Shepard, are you okay? You're vitals are showing unusual patterns." Doctor Chakwas' head popped over his omni-tool.

"I've been-" Shepard vomited again “-been poisoned." He could see that the majority of his crew was gathered around Chakwas.

"Alright Shepard, listen very closely. Have you induced vomiting?" Chakwas asked.

"Yes," Colt said. Pointing his omni-tool towards the sinks.

"I'm contacting Liara right now. She'll be able to reach you faster than any of us," Chakwas said.

Miranda appeared in the picture."Shepard, do you still have those syringes and vials I gave you?" She asked. 

"Yes." Colt was finding it difficult to remain conscience.

"Good, pull out a syringe and the blue vial. Fill it up, squeeze the air out of it and find a vein on either of your hands," Miranda said. Her voice was starting to get a little fuzzy. Luckily, he was still functional enough to find a vein and inject the liquid.

Someone was pulling at the door handle hard. Shepard tried to focus on the sound but it was so damn far away and fading fast. "Remember the Reapers...Remember me," Shepard thought he heard himself say those words. He couldn't be sure; it may have been a thought.


	28. Fun With Batarians

The first thing Shepard saw when he woke up was little Rosebud. She was stretched out on him, with her little head on her large paws. The light was exceptionally bright, making him shield his eyes for a couple seconds. It looked like he was in the Med Bay, but why?

"Hello?" Shepard's voice was surprisingly normal.

"Ah good, Commander. You're up," Doctor Chakwas said. Her shoes tapped against the flooring as she walked over to his bed and tapped at some medical equipment. "How are you feeling?"

"Well it's safe to say that my stomach feels like it was trampled by a pack of Emus, or is it flock of Emus?" He wondered aloud. Colt was petting little Rosebud's head as she was trying to lick his face.

"You don't exaggerate much, do you?" Doctor Chakwas said while laughing.

"Never," Shepard answered while chuckling. "Okay, okay. Jeez Rosebud!" The little varren was now launching a full licking assault against his face. "So Doc, why am I here?" Shepard asked between Rosebud licks.

"Well Commander, I'm afraid that you were poisoned on Illium. Don't worry, the poison was easily neutralized," Chakwas said while giving his hand a reassuring pat.

"Good to hear. Miranda would've had to take my place, and Garrus would've taken her job. Can you imagine his administrative work? It would be like scribbles and some doodles of God knows what. Can you imagine how pissed the Illusive Man would be? An alien sending him reports…," Colt trailed off as he considered how delightful that would be. "I think Garrus has a new job now."

Chakwas was now laughing quite hard, but managed to say, "You can leave whenever you want. I think the sooner the better. Some people want to see you."

"Alright, come on Rosebud." Shepard slid off the bed and onto freakishly steady feet. He picked up the varren and made his way to the Med Bay exit.

Outside the doors he found the majority of his crew either pacing or sitting at the mess tables. Everyone looked up hopefully at the same time. "So, who wants to add this incident to the Shepard Death Count?" Shepard asked.

"Was this just a ploy to make us forget your dance moves?" Someone called out.

"We don't talk about that," Shepard replied. "So anyone mind telling me what happened?"

"I will," a familiar voice said. Shepard almost couldn't believe his eyes or ears when Liara walked towards him through the crowd. He almost dropped poor Rosebud.

"Hello Shepard," Liara said with a kind smile. He noted that she didn't appear to be the least bit shy.

"Hi. How are you?" Colt said lamely.

"I think it's safe to say that we had ourselves a night," Liara started.

…

Liara was desperately running towards the bathroom that Chakwas said Shepard was in. When she got there, the door was locked. In a matter of seconds, she unhinged the door with biotics and burst through. Shepard was lying on the floor, presumably unconscious. His lips were blue and his breath smelled strongly of musk.

Liara turned him over on his left side and looked in his airway for vomit; all was clear. So she waited for either Chakwas or the other doctor she'd called to come. Chakwas' time was impressive, because she was at their location in under five minutes.

"Liara, go find his drink," Chakwas called to her while opening her medical bag. Liara did what she was told and rushed out to the bar. She found what she thought was the drink and went back to the bathroom.

"He's stable for now, but we need to transport him back to the Normandy." Chakwas was typing something. The other doctor came in through the door and her assistant wheeled in a stretcher.

…

"Then we brought you back here, and Chakwas found out what the poison was. It is apparently really easy to identify and reverse the effects," Liara finished.

"Well, I guess I'm lucky you were there," Shepard said gently, completely entranced by Liara.

"Yes, you were," Liara replied smugly.

Colt looked around and noticed how much in public they were in. He cleared his throat before saying, "So what piece of shit poisoned me?"

"Some Batarian," Garrus called out. Shepard could feel his blood boiling at the mention of Batarians. His stomach knotted and he felt heat behind his cheeks.

"Say that again," Shepard asked through clenched teeth.

"A Batarian poisoned you," Garrus said again. The crew had been milling about before, after seeing Shepard was alright, but now everyone's attention was back on Colt. They were watching him like they expected him to start vaporizing people left and right. But his anger wasn't for them and he certainly wasn't in the business of creaming his allies and friends. He released a little biotic flare before willing himself to calm down. Everyone looked confused by his sudden change of mood.

His body was still ignited with rage when he stormed towards the elevator. He needed to talk to Joker about heading for Illium again.

…

Shepard's anger radiated throughout Illium. Almost his entire crew, plus Liara, followed in his wake. Shepard wore his iconic N7 armor, and a faint biotic corona could be seen. People standing around shops and gift booths stumbled out of the way, knowing that something was happening - something dangerous. Law enforcement officers tried to stop Shepard several times, but he stated it was official Spectre business, and if they interfered they would be directly violating galactic law.

Liara found the walk to the bar where she'd first found Shepard agonizing. Colt walked slowly and with purpose, as if deciding what would happen next. Even when they reached the bar, he was the definition of calm.

"I think it would be in your best interest to leave this bar," Shepard's commanding and room-filling voice reached all the ears of the bar patrons. They left in a hurry when they felt Shepard's rage. Only two people remained and they were the bartenders.

Liara knew that biotics were somewhat new to Shepard and he occasionally had trouble controlling them. This was a whole new thing, however. Biotic blue completely surrounded the Commander's body until it was a massive ball. It turned violently around his body, like his own personal hurricane. A huge blast of biotics hit one of the tables, shredding the metal and plastic. The tiny pieces of it showered the crew.

Liara and the crew remained where they were. Either too afraid to move or too captivated. The bartenders cowered towards the center island.

"Get out," Shepard gestured to one of the Batarian bartenders. The Batarian wasted no time leaving.

Shepard's eyes never left the other Batarian. "Poisoning military leaders from other species will only get you so far," Shepard growled at him. Liara wasn't sure, but she thought Shepard's biotic swirl had gotten bigger.

"Are you crazy? I didn't-," The Batarian didn't even have time to finish his sentence before Shepard lashed out a hand so fast, Liara couldn't even be sure it happened.

Colt held the man firmly, and then moved his hands once again. A sickening crack reverberated throughout the bar. Shepard laid the man on the ground before walking away. Everyone scrambled to move out of his way. His deadly biotics dissipated and then disappeared completely. Liara had known that Shepard was a powerful biotic, but this was a whole new level. A terrifying level.

"Shepard, don't you think that was a little...extreme?" Liara asked. Breaking someone's neck was much more different than shooting them. It was personal.

"Liara, I didn't become one of the galaxies' best soldiers by being kind and gentle. I didn't become the deadliest person to live by accident," Shepard replied. And he was right.


	29. Dual

"You really think this'll work?" Shepard asked while fixing his cuff for the millionth time. Samara insisted that he wear a suit to murder Morinth. God forbid he kill Samara’s daughter in a sweat suit.

"We have to get Morinth's attention somehow. A suit on you will do the job." Samara was looking him over critically, straightening things here and there. "I'll think you'll definitely catch her eye,   
Commander. By the way, do you remember what Morinth’s tastes are? The ones Nef talked about?” 

“Forta, Vaenia, and violence.”

"Ya, that’s pretty much it. Ready to go?"

Most members of the Normandy had been called in to make sure he looked, as Miranda put it, civilized. A few moments earlier, he’d walked out in front of everyone and modeled; luckily there’d been many nods of approval.

Shepard surveyed the room just to make sure everyone liked it. "Let's go."

…

"So, he's not going in with a gun or armor?"

Liara had somehow figured out their plan and managed to catch Shepard before he could turn the club upside down. He’d hoped to slip by the asari unnoticed. No use in causing her anymore worry. 

"Correct, he can't blow his cover," Samara said. To her credit, she was being extremely patient with the younger asari. Liara had been understandably worrisome ever since the Batarian bar incident. 

"Liara, I'll be fine. I'll just run in there, thrill the crowd with my dance moves-" some one burst out laughing, probably Garrus, "-go back to Morinth's house, wiggle my eyebrows a couple of times, and then kill her. Easy. That was basically my entire twenties." 

"You don't understand how... convincing Ardat-Yakshi can be," Liara said. She’d been adjusting his suit for some time now. He hoped it was a nervous habit and not because he looked like a ball of Rosebud shit.

"Remember how I was able to function with the Prothean vision? Well this is no different, I'm strong willed - I'll be fine," Colt said. He patted Liara's shoulder, checked his suit again, and proceeded into the club, but not before turning around and giving everyone a thumbs up.

The club was darkly lit, the music was pretty good, and the bass hummed in his chest. Everything was in place for a nice killing. But first things first, he had to do something interesting. Something like come to the rescue of an asari dancer. 

“Come on, baby,” a turian said, “My place is just around the corner.” He wrapped his talons around her wrist and yanked her closer. 

“Uhhh, no thanks.” 

“Oh, come on-”

"Hey, buddy, she said no," Shepard growled, stalking up to the pair. He was so goddamn tired of dealing with assholes. 

"This doesn't concern you, human," the Turian growled. He looked Colt over like a piece of meat before cocking his fist. Colt silently thanked the universe for this opportunity before promptly laying the turian out. The dancer smiled at him and walked off towards the bar.

Alright, what next? What else could draw Morinth out?

He scanned the dance floor for anything unusual. A man was pacing and muttering to himself about ten feet away. Jackpot! 

“Hey, man, you alright?” Shepard asked while walking over. 

“No, no I’m not.” 

“What can I do to help?” 

“It’s my friend. She’s in some deep shit right now,” he explained, “She’s trying to get information from this gang boss, but he’s figured out who she is. I need to tell her to get the hell out of there.” 

“I can do that, no problem.”

“Thank you! You just need to say two sentences to her. The first needs the word ‘terminal’ in it and the second needs ‘eternity.’ Those are our bug-out words. She knows she needs to leave if they’re ever said in that order.” 

Colt nodded before sauntering up to where the gang boss and reporter were sitting. He managed to plop down on the seat next to the reporter before saying, "Terminals are useful to look up information on." Was that really the best sentence Shepard could come up with?

"What the fuck?” The gang leader rumbled. 

Without batting an eye, Colt continued on, "Sometimes it takes an eternity to find varren food." Great, he was now voicing personal complaints to save someone's life. How classy. The woman's eyes, however, grew big and she excused herself before running off. 

The boss watched her leave before turning back to Shepard. “Hey, what the hell, buddy?” 

“Whoops, wrong person,” Shepard replied flatly, “Sorry.” He waddled away and scanned for his next source of excitement. The only thing that really screamed at him for attention was the dance floor. 

He walked to the middle of the dance circle and commenced his performance next to an unsuspecting asari. "I'm going to dance beside you,” he told her, “If you want to think we're dancing together, knock yourself out.” Shepard boogied for a while and almost burst out laughing as he saw the asari's face sink more deeply into horror at each awkward movement of his hands. He really hoped Morinth would come soon or else this poor girl's head would explode.

"You're the most interesting person in this whole club, wanna sit?” Someone said behind him. Colt turned around to see his target. “My name’s Morinth." Show time. 

“Lead the way.”

She brought him over to a relatively private table before asking, "Most of the time there isn't anyone interesting in this club, sometimes there's only one. Today it's you, why is that?" Her voice was somehow both deeply unsettling and entirely too enjoyable. 

"I know what I'm doing, I'm confident." Shepard leaned back and crossed his arms.

She nodded thoughtfully before saying, "So, what kind of art do you like?" She mirrored him by sitting back and crossing her arms. 

"This Elcor artist named Forta really speaks to me," Shepard said. He sounded so foreign to himself. He didn't have conversations about art, he had conversations about guns.

"I love him, but I didn't know anyone knew about him," she said, grinning. 

"That’s great!...So, uh, how do you like the music here?" Shepard sputtered. This was the exact moment he realized how uncultured he was.

"It's dark and it works.” 

"I agree, I enjoy violent rhythms.” What the fuck? He didn't even know what a violent rhythm was.

Morinth leaned forward before saying, "Violence is the only sure way to power.”

"The person who's the strongest has the best chance of getting the most power," he lied. The Salarian dalatrass was most certainly not strong, and yet she held an incredible amount of power.

"I agree,” she said, drawing out each syllable, “Seems like we have a lot in common. Where do you travel?" 

"I travel all over the galaxy, mostly killing people." He tried to subtly flex his right arm, but it was pretty damn obvious. She didn't care about subtly, apparently, because she stared at his arm a good two seconds.

"How about we go back to my place? I want you alone," Morinth almost growled. He took her extended hand but not before sending a prayer to whoever would listen.   
...

Shepard followed Morinth wearily through the door. A quick glance around revealed that her apartment was just like every Citadel apartment-tiny with plain furniture. He passed by a few odd decorations before stopping altogether in front of a table filled with small baggies of Hallex. God damn, that was a shitload of drugs. 

A hand slid across his back, sending a shiver down his spine. “You use?” She asked. 

“N-no,” Colt said, shaking his head. His mouth was suddenly dry and the immediate danger faded into background noise. 

“Don’t start now. I want you present,” she murmured. She put her hand on the back of his neck and yanked his head down. She pressed her lips against his with violent tenacity. The sudden surge of action shook him to his core. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her off. This was an awful fucking idea. 

“You like it rough, do ya?” She said, pushing him back into a couch. She descended on him again, kissing his neck. 

“Get off,” Colt said. He held his breath and looked at the ceiling in an effort to forget where he was.

Instead of stopping, she continued on with fervency. 

“Stop, get off me,” he repeated. Morinth showed no signs of acknowledging his pleas. Samara had said Morinth was a predator and ignoring his wishes was all part of the hunt. 

Shepard really wanted to send her flying. Maybe snap her neck in the process. But he was paralyzed. Struggling only made these things worse. Resistance increased the suffering tenfold, so he opted to pretend he was elsewhere. 

The sound of a door swishing open a second later snapped Colt out of his catatonic state. 

"Mother!" Morinth screeched, jumping out of his lap. Biotics exploded out of her hands towards Samara, who was easily able deflect the hit. 

Colt rolled off the couch and onto the floor. He crawled across the floor as the two asari exchanged biotic blows. The noise of the hits were deafening and shook the ground under his hands and feet. He crawled behind a kitchen cabinet and peaked out. 

"Morinth, you chose your fate when you rejected a life in a monastery," Samara yelled between blasts. 

"I chose to live free. Where’s the shame in that?" Morinth replied. Her whole body tensed before she let out a massive wave of blue. Samara must’ve seen it coming, for she also launched a tremendous volley. Their biotics collided at a halfway point. Colt waited and waited for Samara to overtake Morinth, but their biotics appeared even and a stalemate descended. 

There was no hiding anymore, he had to step in.

He stood up from behind the cabinets and surveyed the scene. Where was the Ardat Yakshi’s weak spot? 

Morinth turned her head towards to Colt before saying, "I'm more valuable to you than her! Anyone could see that.” 

"Shepard, I've had centuries of experience fighting," Samara said. What in the fuck? This wasn’t a contest. This was a galactic service. Samara trying to prove her worth to him was sickening. He didn’t flip on people for the sake of convenience. He didn’t dump crewmates just because someone else wanted their place. Loyalty was a dying trait. 

This was supposed to be simple. Kill a serial killer, have a drink with Samara, and leave. All this choosing bullshit was never part of the plan. He told Samara he’d help kill Morinth and he meant it. 

Colt walked up to Morinth and grabbed her arms and put them behind her back. God how he loathed his job. 

Samara took the opportunity to send a biotic burst that hit Morinth square in the chest. He could hear a horrible crunch as she fell hard into Shepard's arms. She was still alive, but incapacitated with a broken back.

"Find peace in the embrace of the goddess," Samara murmured. She wrapped her hands around her daughter’s neck and twisted violently. Colt could feel her vertebrae snap against his chest. He laid her carefully on the floor, took a step back, and stared at Morinth’s body. He glanced at Samara. The look in her eyes made this killing a hundred times worse. 

The two stared at her wordlessly before a knock at the door woke them up. “I’ll get it,” he said. He opened the door to find two C-Sec officers standing on the stoop. 

“Hello, C-Sec. We got complaints of a possible-oh, Commander Shepard. Our apologies, sir,” one of the Officers said, “We didn’t realize this was Spectre Business.” 

“That’s alright.” 

“Well, you have a good evening, Commander.” The two turians turned around. 

“Wait, we’ve got a body in here,” Shepard said, “Could you, uh, possibly send someone over?”

“Right away, sir,” one said. He reached for his shoulder radio and started speaking into it. 

“They’ll be right over, Commander,” the other one said, “Just keep the door open.” 

“Of course...Thanks,” Shepard said. He smiled at the pair before shutting the door lightly. This whole situation was fucked. C-Sec not only ignoring the problem but also willingly helping made his stomach churn. 

He walked back over to Samara, who’d moved to a couch nearby Morinth. “Who was it?” 

“C-Sec. A neighbor must’ve called it in,” he said, “They’ll take her to the morgue for you.” 

“Perks of being a Spectre?” 

“Something like that.” 

The two sat in silence for awhile before Samara spoke again, “You could’ve killed her before I got here. You had the element of surprise, plus your biotics are much stronger. So, why didn’t you?” 

“I froze.” She turned to look him in the eye. “When I was in the foster care system back on Earth, I was placed with a piece of shit,” he explained, “Just a waste of space. Anyways, when she was kissing me like that and ignoring my pleas, all I could see was his face. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breath. I just...” He shook his head. 

“...Lost control?” 

“Ya.” 

She smiled at him sympathetically before saying, "I must arrange for my daughter to be buried," 

"Wait. Here," Shepard said while also handing her about five thousand creds. He didn't know that much about asari justicars, but he did know they were notoriously poor.

"You know I can't take this." She started to hand it back.

"It's not for you," he said. Samara nodded, stood up, and walked out the door. He watched her leave before looking back at Morinth. She was perfectly still on the ground, almost like she was sleeping. 

Why did this hurt so goddamn bad? Morinth was a sadistic killer and she deserved to die. This was the right move, so why didn’t it feel like it?

"Shepard," a voice behind him called. 

“Body’s over here,” he said absentmindedly. 

“Colt.” This got his attention. He stood up and turned around quickly. Liara was by the front door. 

“Sorry,” he said, “I thought you were C-Sec.” He sighed and ran a hand over his head. “This was a rough one. I just..I don’t know. Why was this one so hard?” 

"Samara still loved Morinth and it was a brutal death," Liara said. She walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Like an old friend would. ..Whatever, that was for another day. 

She was right, but there was something more. “Whenever these things popped up on the news, I’d always wonder how someone could do that to their own kid. I don’t have that luxury anymore, Liara,” he said, “The way she looked at Morinth after she was dead. That wasn’t a new look for me.” 

She nodded but didn’t say anything. It was for the best. She didn’t understand. Logically sure, but not emotionally. Fortunately, most people didn’t. 

"It’s probably a good idea to get out of this place,” she told him, “No need to sit around and compound your suffering. Samara and C-Sec have it from here.”

"You’re right. I need to get back to the Normandy. See you later?” 

“See you later.”


	30. Sidonis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: The part with Shawn and Colt is a flashback. 
> 
> Also, you can access the entirety of With Lions on fanfiction.net.

"Garrus, are you sure this is what you want?" It wasn't the turian’s style to kill out of revenge. This whole plan, this whole methodology, it just wasn’t… Garrus. It was disturbingly vicious and left an unsettled feeling in the pit of Shepard’s stomach. 

He fiddled around with the skycar’s temperature controls as he awaited Garrus’s answer. He’d be angry that Colt even asked. Still, he had to ask. 

"He killed everyone, Shepard. They had lives and families. Why should he get what the others didn't?" Garrus' voice was cold. He sounded like he was talking to the lowest scum of the universe, not his best friend. It made Shepard jerk his hand away from the skycar’s console. How did this mission start off as an exciting friendship adventure and then switch into two strangers fighting? 

"I'm just saying you should think about it, that's all,” Colt said. He gripped the wheel until his knuckles turned white and tightened his jaw until he felt a dull ache. Everyone had changed. 

"I've made my decision. I only ask that you help me kill Sidonis, not second guess me." Who the hell did Garrus think he was? 

"For the sake of our long and storied friendship, I am going to pretend like I didn’t hear that,” Colt said, “But if I ever hear that sorta shit outta your mouth ever again, there will be hell to pay. Am I understood?" 

Garrus looked at Shepard long and hard before nodding. 

The rest of the trip was silent.

…

Fighting through mercs was amazingly therapeutic. There was just something about a good, old fashioned fight that just made Shepard’s heart soar. Garrus seemingly enjoyed it as well, which made it even better. 

Shepard enjoyed it so much that he practically skipped to Fade’s position. The limy bastard’s grin as they approached couldn’t even put an end to Colt’s lifted spirits. 

“Have we met before?” Fade asked once the pair was a bit closer. 

“We did,” Shepard confirmed, “It was six thirty eight on a November evening. I was hunting Saren and you were busily competing for biggest douchebag.” 

“Oh, that’s right. And oddly specific.” 

"Where's Sidonis?" Garrus stalked over to him, where he towered almost two feet above the human.

"I don't know who you're talking about," Fade spat. Colt watched a piece of goob fly onto the turian’s face. Apparently, this guy was also competing for biggest idiot. 

"You're lying to me." Garrus picked up Fade by the shoulders and jerked him backwards into a metal wall. Fade’s head thudded horrifically into the metal as his neck snapped back. "Did that jog your memory?"

"I think I remember who that is now," Fade slurred. When Garrus let go of him, he almost stumbled to the ground. Giving people permanent brain injuries was not part of the plan. "Let me check my files." Fade wobbled towards a nearby console and typed something on it. “Yep, there he is. What do you want me to do now?” 

"Tell Sidonis that you think someone has discovered his identity and that you'll be sending an agent to discuss it with him," Garrus said. He walked towards Fade and watched him type. Shepard could feel Garrus' menacing presence from all the way across the room.

“He knows,” Fade said after a few minutes. 

Garrus started to leave with Colt hot on his tracks. Once they were out of earshot, he said, “Look, Garrus, I know this hurts. I know how personal this is for you. But slapping people around to get what you want? That’s not you and it’s not right. I know you know that.” 

Garrus grunted in reply without turning around. Colt was obviously getting through to the turian.

…

"Alright, remember, you're supposed to lure Sidonis out into the open where I can get a clean shot off," Garrus said. He turned the skycar off and stepped out. 

Shepard got out himself before saying, "I remember.” Garrus shooting Sidonis in such a highly populated area was the definition of a bad idea. The amount of things that could go wrong was staggering. He could miss and hit a civilian. He could scar tons of people for life. The list went on. All in all, it was just a fucked up plan. There had to be a way to stop Garrus, make him see reason. But what was it? 

The two parted with a nod and Shepard took his place by a clock. He put in his earpiece so he could communicate with Garrus and waited for about five minutes. At exactly eight o’clock, a turian walked up to him.

"Are you Fade's agent?" Sidonis asked. Colt got up from leaning against the clock and maneuvered himself so he blocked a clean shot. He didn't want Garrus to kill Sidonis just yet.

"Yes. And you must be Sidonis." Using his real name would get his attention.

"Keep it down! And never use that name again!" Sidonis hissed. He glanced around nervously while wringing his hands. Dark circles were under the turian’s dim eyes and he was noticeably skinny. One good look told Colt everything he needed to know. Sidonis was already paying an enormous price and probably would for the rest of his life.

"Garrus is here to kill you," Shepard said suddenly. A simultaneous, "What?' and "What the hell, Shepard,” rang in his ears. 

"This is obviously a joke. I'm leaving." Sidonis turned to leave but Colt grabbed his arm and yanked him back.

"I'm the only thing between you and a bullet, so I suggest you stop,” Colt said. This would have to be orchestrated very, very carefully. 

"I...I hear the voices of all those men I led to death. I can't sleep anymore. I just have to wait until exhaustion takes me. So Garrus can kill me, I don't care," Sidonis said with a sigh. He tipped his chin up and closed his eyes as if he expected to be shot right then and there. 

"Garrus, listen,” Colt started, “Letting him go is the ultimate revenge. At this point, living is worse than dying. He’s already ruined. You already have your revenge. You will regret this for the rest of your life if you kill him.” 

"How do you know?"

…

"So you think you can just backstab me and expect to be welcomed back into the Reds?" Shepard circled a boy not much younger than himself. 

"Come on, we all know what I did was for the best." The scumbag grinned. Colt was tempted to punch that look off his face. 

The boy, Shawn, probably would’ve been considered handsome if he wasn’t smudged with oil or if his long, greasy hair was cut. He was tied into a ratty, POS chair. 

"You went against my command. Everything I told you to do, you went and did the exact opposite," Colt said. This cocky little bastard better have some good answers. 

"We all know your judgment was awful. What I did could’ve very well saved the Reds," Shawn said. His smug voice made Colt’s blood boil. 

The other members were glancing around uncomfortably at each other. They weren't used to Colt, one of the most senior members of the Reds, being interrogated. 

"Being a little dramatic aren't we? If you’d followed what I said, everything would’ve turned out just fine. Now, in addition to battling winter, we have to deal with Boise Street being under control of the Serpents," Colt said. 

This was all a show for the other members. It was just chest pounding and one-upmanship. If they were alone they probably would've punched it out. 

"We had to give up Boise to secure a truce. You know that, Cain," Shawn spat. 

No one knew Colt’s real name and they didn't know Alex’s real name either. It was better that way. Harder to get tracked down. Colt had done his fair share of illegal things, but had never been arrested. That was mostly because trying to pin something on the evasive ‘Cain’ proved to be too difficult. 

"Do you know how close Boise is to here? I could've secured a truce without losing that street," Colt shouted in Shawn’s face. 

"You could've, huh?" Shawn shot back. Colt noticed the rest of the gang starting to shuffle uneasily. Shawn's words must have been getting to them.

Colt pulled out his pistol and shoved it Shawn's face."Do you think this is fucking funny?" 

"No, no. Not at all," Shawn stammered. He shrunk back into his chair. Perfect.

"It seems like you think it is,” Colt said, “Is this a fucking game to you?" He the pistol harder into Shawn’s face. Everyone was watching and Colt needed to send a message that disobeying him was not okay. "I hope you have a God,” Colt said. He let his words sink in for a few moments. 

Shawn’s eyes bulged out of his face before screaming, "Wait! Wha-" 

Colt didn't even hear the gun. He only felt the recoil. 

…

"Trust me,” Shepard said, “I know.”

"Fine,” Garrus sighed, “Let him go.” 

Shepard looked up at Sidonis and into his empty eyes. "You can go,” Colt said, “He gave you a second chance, don't waste it." He turned around and started walking back to the skycar. With any luck, he’d never see Sidonis again. 

What was he going to say to Garrus? What could he say? 

The turian was already waiting in the car by the time Colt showed up. "Garrus...," Shepard said as soon as he sat down. 

"Look, I understand your reasoning, but I need to think about it more before I talk.” Garrus was staring straight ahead with an unreadable expression. 

"Okay, I can respect that,” Shepard said, “Let’s just go home.”


	31. My Son

“Like I said, Mouse is gonna be your best bet to find Elias Kelham,” Bailey said, “He keeps tabs on everyone.” 

Colt appreciated the tip, but was far more interested in one of the Captain’s earlier comments. "Wait, they have an illegal VI of me?" 

"Yes,” Bailey said, “When you delete a file, it says, 'I delete data like you on the way to real errors.’”

"That's a little much, don't you think, Shepard?" Garrus asked from behind him.

"Didn't I say something similar a long time ago?"

"We were hunting down Saren and you threatened some poor asari almost word-for-word," Garrus said. He just loved pointing out less than savory moments of Colt's career.

"I also remember that I let that asari go." Shepard turned and crossed his arms.

"Yah, after scaring the blue off her," the turian said. He’d clearly wasn’t letting this go. Let the argument begin.

"I could've shot her, you know.” 

“You also could’ve reassured her.” 

“Okay, so I’m not a perfect person. But don’t deny she didn’t deserve-”

"-I can't decide if you guys sound like my two-year-old kids or an old married couple," Bailey interrupted. 

Garrus and Shepard looked at each other for a moment and said simultaneously, "An old married couple."

…

"Krios? I thought you had retired? And...Commander Shepard? I thought you had died," Mouse said. Retired and dead? Goddamit, Colt didn’t deserve this bullshit in his thirties..or maybe twenties? What was the protocol for dying?

"Be still Mouse. You can change your pants later," Thane said. Amazing. Brutal, yet hilarious. Shepard could only strive towards such greatness. Thane continued, “Now tell me about Elias Kelham.”

Colt turned away from the two towards what he assumed was Mouse’s bag. A nicely framed picture of a varren immediately caught his eye. He examined it carefully, noting the quality of the picture. Whoever took this picture knew what they were doing. 

“-Any questions, Shepard?” Thane asked behind him. 

“Ya, who took this wonderful picture?” He asked, holding up the frame. 

Garrus, Thane, and Mouse looked at like he grew two heads. “I, um, think Thane meant questions about the Kolyat or Elias,” Garrus said. 

“Oh,” he said in a small voice, lowering the picture. “I don’t have any questions, I guess.”

“...Okay then,” Thane said, turning back to Mouse, “I think that’s it for us.” 

“Actually, one more thing,” Colt said, causing him to receive a fearsome side eye from Thane. “I heard you're selling a Shepard VI?"

"Oh shit! You heard about that?" Mouse flinched backwards. 

"Yes, and I want a copy," Shepard said. He was curious to see what the galaxy thought about him. 

"That's it? I mean, ya sure,” Mouse said. He dug around in his pockets before handing Colt a small package. “Here you go.”

If this thing acted more like a AI than a VI, EDI could kiss her job goodbye. Who wouldn’t want an AI version of themselves controlling the spaceship?...But that would also mean that Joker would be flirting with Colt’s AI counterpart. There were some obvious tradeoffs with this plan. 

…

"Kolyat must not assassinate him; the life of an assassin is one of the worst lives you can live. The life of sin." Thane’s voice crackled through Shepard’s earpiece.

“Does that mean you regret what you’ve done?” Colt asked. He leaned against the rafter’s railing in hopes of spotting Joram down below. According to Mouse, Joram was Kolyat’s target. Not that Colt could really blame Kolyat. By all accounts, Joram was a massive asshole. But, there were other ways to get rid of politicians than assassination. Routes that didn’t involve the degradation of democracy and society. 

"I'm still trying to decide that. But I do know that I wouldn’t want my son involved with this life," Thane said, sighing, "As an assassin, I felt nothing for years. I built myself an island with no routes in or out. I don't want that for anyone, especially not my son. Take my advice, Shepard: don't lock yourself somewhere no one else can get to. There's always another mission to be completed, whether it be for the Alliance or someone else. Always will be. There’s more to life than work, and I realized that too late.”

This was a weird time to be having a conversation about loneliness and what it meant for Shepard. He imagined that this subject weighed heavily on Thane's mind and needed to tell someone. Hopefully it was that, and not that Colt seemed to be crippled by loneliness. 

"Thanks, Thane. I'll...I’ll have to think about what you said.”

He kept scanning the room, but was losing faith rapidly. How long had he been watching for Joram now? “Thane, are you sure Mouse gave us reliable info? I mean-wait. I think that’s-I have a visual. Following now," Colt said. He pulled himself off the rail and started to trail the politician and his bodyguard. The bastards were moving quickly. They could easily travel across the room, as opposed to Colt, who kept having to duck under support beams that held up the scaffolding he was standing on. Both he and Thane thought that staying in the rafters would be advantageous because it would be easier to track Joram and avoid the crowds. Colt was having second thoughts about that genius idea as Joram slipped farther and farther away. 

“I’m starting to lose them,” Shepard hissed. He ducked as he went under a beam. He was only halfway across the room when Joram entered the next room. 

“Shepard,” Thane growled. Getting on the drell’s shit list was at the bottom of Colt’s to do list, so he started to sprint. A few seconds of running allowed him to catch up until he was standing just above Joram. 

"Alright Thane. He's heading-," Shepard stopped as soon as a Kolyat dropped down next to Joram. Fuck! Colt vaulted over the railing and activated his biotics to lessen the twenty foot drop. "KOLYAT!" He screamed. As soon as he hit the floor, he took off towards the drell. Much to Colt’s horror, Kolyat pulled out a gun and started firing. One shot hit Joram’s bodyguard, sending the krogan careening backwards. 

Without the threat of the bodyguard, Kolyat grabbed Joram and pulled him into the elevator. The doors closed just before Shepard reached them. “Fuck!” Colt said while slamming his fists into the closed doors. 

"He's heading to Joram's apartment," Thane said. Colt jumped at the sound of the drell’s voice. 

“That was fast.” 

“I was never far,” Thane replied, “Come on.” He gestured to the open elevator. Shepard stepped on and watched Thane press level four. The two stood in silence while an asari flutist wailed over the speakers.

“This apartment here,” Thane said while stepping out. Colt followed and pulled out his Carnifax. The apartment door slid open to reveal Kolyat and Joram crowded in a corner. Kolyat had a pistol pressed to Joram’s temple. The hand holding the pistol was shaking. 

Shepard aimed his Carnifax at Kolyat and quietly stepped to the left. Kolyat’s attention was on Thane, so anything short of firing a weapon would go unnoticed. 

"Is this some kind of sick joke? After ten years you show up?" Kolyat spat. His eyes glistened with hatred. Thane seemed unaffected. Not even a flinch. 

The door to the apartment slid open once more. Colt’s assumption about the newcomer was correct as soon as Captain Bailey opened his mouth. "Put down the gun, Kolyat.”

"Get out of my way! I'm leaving, and Joram's coming with me." Kolyat shoved Joram forward while keeping his gun firmly dug into the politician. 

"Please help me," Joram whined. 

"Shut the fuck up," Shepard said. If this asshole opened his mouth one more time, Colt was gonna kill him himself. 

"They have snipers outside, they'll kill you," Thane explained, “Put the gun down and come with us.” 

Kolyat was getting twitchier by the second. At this rate, things would start to deteriorate quickly. No amount of talking was gonna get Kolyat to stop. 

Colt shot a bullet dangerously close to Kolyat's head. The surprise and noise of the shot sent everyone, except Shepard, into a stunned silence. Shepard used the next few shocked moments to move right up to Kolyat. He grabbed the gun out of the drell’s hands before yanking Joram out of his grip. Colt dragged the politician backwards before depositing him on the floor by Bailey. 

"Arrest him," Bailey told the two men with him. 

"What makes it okay for him to kill people but not me?" Kolyat cried, jabbing a finger at Thane.

"I was six when the Hanar started teaching me how to kill, I didn't know any better. Until your mom came." 

Colt adjusted his chest plate and looked around awkwardly. This conversation was painfully public. 

"Then why weren't you there when she died?” Kolyat's voice cracked. “Why were you never there?"

"They killed her to get to me. I hunted them down. Hurt them and eventually killed them. When I went back to see you, you were-older. I should've stayed,” Thane whispered, “I should’ve stayed.” 

"My loss, I guess.”

"I've taken many bad things out of this world. You're the only good thing I've ever added."

"Perhaps this conversation would be better in private,” Captain Bailey cut-in, “Boys, give them a room, and as much time as they need.”

Colt watched Thane and Kolyat get escorted out of the apartment before turning to Bailey. "That was awfully nice of you." He liked Bailey, but up to this moment, had only really seen him as background. Perhaps he’d underestimated the Captain. 

"Do you think he's the only one who screwed up raising a son?" Bailey asked.

…

Shepard glanced at the holding room before turning to Garrus. The turian just shrugged his shoulders. They’d been talking for awhile. Hopefully the meeting was going well.

"About ten years ago, some real bad people were killed,” Bailey said as he walked up, “Our main suspect was a drell. We never caught him." Silence dropped uncomfortably over the three. 

"That isn’t something you want to get involved in," Colt said. It had been a long ass day and Bailey's threat just made him angry. 

"Oh, believe me. I know not to mess with a Spectre...or his friends.” An opening door stopped Bailey before he could say more. Thane stepped out and started to walk over. 

"How'd it go?" Shepard asked.

"I can't fix everything with just a few words, but we'll keep talking." Thane seemed happy. He was smiling at least.

"Look, Thane,” Bailey started, ”Your boy killed some people, no one I care about, but murder is murder." Bailey was just trying to follow the law. Colt got that, but it was still fucking annoying. 

"Look, if he goes through the system his life is fucked. We both know that,” Colt said, “Someone who has so much to offer society is locked up because of a few people no one cares about. The better solution would be to give him a job, make him pay off his debt to society. He won't get off scott free, but his life won't be ruined." That sounded fair.

"C-Sec won't allow it,” Bailey responded, “We have to go through protocol, and different channels.”

"Have him work for you, keep C-Sec out of this,” Shepard said, “Teach him to be a good officer and in time, he'll do enough good to pay back those murders." Colt was pushing hard, he knew that, but Thane was his friend.

"Interesting idea. I'll think about it," Captain Bailey said. He rose and shook hands with Shepard and Thane. 

Colt sighed with relief. Today was a good day, a nice relief from some of his most recent missions. He’d bet anything that Bailey would take his suggestion. He took his wins when he could get them.


	33. Tuchanka

Mordin

Bodies lay here and there. Some were burnt, others were mutilated, and most were unrecognizable. They had puffy features with open bloody wounds. It was mess, and Colt thanked his lucky stars he wasn’t the one to clean them up. Most of the bodies were krogan. The next highest body count belonged to humans.

"What happened here?" Shepard glanced around and felt his stomach lurch.

"Live testing. Indicated by boils and puffiness." Mordin was bent over someone's body, taking a scan.

"Why?" Shepard couldn't believe that somebody did this. His guess was on some chemical warfare component sent via bomb, rather than someone doing testing on each of these people.

"Don’t know. Probably didn't have adequate centers." Mordin's voice was disconnected, scientific. It was somehow reassuring. 

"Is this what it was like working on the genophage?" Only after Colt said it did he realize what a monumentally assholish thing that was to ask. Why didn’t he ever think before speaking? Evidently, not even Cerberus could cure him of foot-in-mouth syndrome. 

"Absolutely not! Made with morals in mind. Cure was necessary." Mordin sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else. 

“Morals,” Grunt growled from behind Colt. He kicked a bottle across the floor, sending it shattering against the wall. Bringing Grunt along may have been a colossal fuck-up. 

“Grunt…” Colt warned. The young krogan looked between Shepard and Mordin before stomping into the next room. 

“Should-?” 

“No,” Shepard said, “This is tough. For you and for him. We’ll catch up.” Colt held his tongue before he could say it was probably worse for Grunt. 

There were two sides to this story and they needed to be heard. It was the only way to eventually cure the genophage. He got why the salarians did what they did. The Krogan Rebellion was an impossibly intricate conflict with incredibly high stakes. But the solution was dated and frankly barbaric. He’d studied the situation carefully in Officer Candidate School before deciding that the krogans had suffered enough. Hopefully nudging Mordin towards the same conclusion would be the first step to a cure. 

“Understood.”

"So...how did you, you know, deal with it?" Shepard asked. He wanted to keep the momentum on this conversation going. 

"Studied spiritual teachings of different species," Mordin said. He closed down his omni-tool before standing to face Colt. 

"You studied religions?" 

"Yes," Mordin said after a long pause. This was the first time ever that the salarian seemed reluctant to talk. It was time to let this topic go. A slow and steady approach would change Mordin’s mind, not some rushed conversation. 

They continued on, eventually meeting up with Grunt again. The krogan was still pissed but knew well enough to leave it alone. 

The three walked in silence as they made their way to the epicenter of this hellhole. The number of mutilated bodies along their path was astonishing. Scientific experiment or not, this was a slaughter. Whoever did this was sick.

In a rare instance, Colt took off his helmet to wipe sweat off his face. As it turned out, the smell was slightly worse than the sights. 

"Shepard,” Grunt called, breaking the silence. “Come look in here.” He was peering into a shipping container. 

Colt pulled his helmet back on and walked over to find a krogan sitting in the middle of the filthy crate. "What are you doing here?" He asked. Was he part of the experiment and managed to get away? Or did he come to rescue his clan mates? Either way, the poor bastard should’ve run a long time ago. 

"I have nothing left, there is no strength left in my body." The krogan looked pitifully at his hands and never made eye contact. Colt pulled off his helmet once more. Twice in one mission was exceedingly rare. 

He sucked in a huge breath before getting into the krogan’s face. "Get off your goddamned ass right now! There are females to court and your clan to defend. You can't just sit on your great big lard ass, and feel sorry for yourself! What kind of fuckin’ krogan does that?!" 

This krogan would die here without his clan. But, like all krogans, he needed a special kind of encouragement. The yelling and semi-aggressive kind of encouragement. 

"Not this krogan! I won't sit on my ass, and do nothing!” He roared, “For the females!" And Shepard thought he’d been yelling loudly. 

The krogan stood up, banged on his chest, and charged out of the crate. For the love of God, hopefully he knew where to go. 

"Impressive," Mordin said. 

Grunt was laughing mightily and gave Colt a healthy pat on the back. “Really, Shepard? Great big lard ass?” 

“Shut up.” 

… 

Colt stood up from a recently deceased krogan. He’d been checking for a pulse and came up with nothing. It almost made him regret letting Maelon live. Hopefully he took Mordin's advice and opened a clinic on Omega. 

"Keep the data or destroy it?" Mordin said, bringing Colt back to the present. The salarian was waiting by a console. Above him a holographic Krogan skeleton turned and a high pitched voice read something in the main Salarian dialect.

Shepard looked around the bodies of all the people who had died to get this information. He didn't want a cure that came out of immoral testing, but all these people didn't have to die in vain. Their deaths could help the krogan people.

"Keep it,” Colt said slowly, “These people didn't die just so we could delete everything." 

Only time would tell if he made the right choice.

…

Grunt

The day after they dealt with Mealon’s experiments, Shepard came back to Tuchanka with Rosebud. It was time to get the varren out and about. After all, this was her homeland. And she needed to get some energy out. She’d grown considerably in the weeks since Colt saved her, and she was now just below his waist. Gone were the days of riding around in his pockets. 

Another unintended, but welcome, bonus of Rosebud was that the the krogans definitely approved of her. Whenever she passed any krogan, they would nod approvingly. She was way more popular than he was. Even when they talked to Wrex, he’d been more interested in her than the fact that Colt was alive.

She also accompanied them to figure out Grunt’s predicament. And as it turned out, Grunt was going through puberty, which sounded awful. Shepard was painfully awkward throughout his adolescence. Sadly his puberty just involved lots of acne, rather than killing massive mutated animals in a rite of passage. At least Colt didn't have to go through mountains of assholes who were trying to deny that right of passage.

When they’d finally won all the internal clan battles over Grunt's birth it was time to go face the Thresher Maw, but not before taking Rosebud back to the Normandy. She was still a puppy. A one hundred and twenty pound puppy, but still a puppy. She needed more training and experience before any real missions. 

…

Hopefully the rest of the crew was getting a kick out of the huge Thresher Maw trying to kill himself, Grunt, and Mordin, because he sure as hell wasn't. The damn thing just wouldn't die, and on top of that, it kept melting Shepard's cover. For a horrible second, acid got on Colt's armor until he ripped it off. Not a moment too soon either, as the acid had almost reached his arm.

"This thing just doesn't know when to stop, does it?" Shepard yelled at Grunt. The krogan had just ducked out of the way of another acid spray.

"Nope, and I love it!" Grunt roared with laughter and fired at the Thresher.

Forty-five minutes later, the Maw finally came down. To say that Colt was tired would be like saying that Grunt was kinda excited. This was hands down one of the toughest fights of his life, definitely the worst since his revival. Colt had taken down Thresher Maws before, but never on foot. Exhaustion weighed down his limbs and clouded his mind. The next priority was sleep. 

Then, like Shepard hadn't done enough, those krogan shits he’d told off earlier arrived. They were no doubt trying to catch the trio in a moment of weakness. 

"No one has killed a Thresher Maw since Urdnot Wrex. Join us Grunt, and be among the most powerful krogan," a rather large, and mean looking krogan shouted. His numerous supporters roared behind him. They spread out around the trio in an obvious attempt to block an escape. These krogan were itching for a fight. 

"Shepard is my battle master,” Grunt replied, “He's the best warrior I've ever seen. I don't want to join you or your pitiful clan.” For a few blissful seconds, Colt felt pride and relief. Grunt’s words were so touching and sincere, plus maybe they could go home without further fighting. That dream was shattered when a spray of bullets headed their way.

Whatever Cerberus had done to him seemed to be doing the trick. As soon as the first shot was fired, his exhaustion melted away. His reflexes were just as fast, his shots just as accurate, and his biotics just as deadly. 

Shepard was motivated by both annoyance and the urge to go home. That, coupled with genuine disdain for the showboating krogan leader, led to the krogan being cleared away in impressive time. The other two did their part, but failed to reach the same level of lethalness. 

Performing at a higher level than a young krogan was startling. Cerberus did not mess around for those two years. And they certainly weren’t joking about the expectations they put upon him. The realization sent a jolt through Colt’s body. The modifications they made were no longer lists on datapads, they were real and they were deadly. 

...

Why Colt thought they’d make it back to the Normandy without ceremony after ceremony was beyond him. Of course Grunt deserved the title of Urdnot Grunt, and all the honors associated. He just hoped the ceremonies would be tomorrow. There was no such luck. 

He was happy for the krogan, of course, but this day just dragged on. He needed room to think about all that had happened. He needed to watch more videos on his resurrection. Maybe talk to Miranda. 

The day’s only saving grace was a request on the way back to the Normandy. EDI's voice came over Shepard's helmet speakers, "Several breeding requests have been generated for Grunt...and one for Shepard."


	34. Lair of the Shadow Broker-Part 1

"Liara, I have some information that you may like." Colt extended a datapad towards the asari. 

She barely glanced up before asking, "What kind of information?" The annoyance in her voice cut to the quick. 

"It's on the Shadow Broker's location.”

She sprang out of her chair immediately and grabbed at the datapad. "Let me see!" Her eyes scanned greedily across the text. After a minute or two she put a hand on her forehead as if she had a headache.

"What's wrong?" He stepped towards her carefully. Whatever boundaries that existed before he died had obviously shifted. 

"It's been two years, Shepard. Two years since Feron sacrificed himself,” she said while closing her eyes for a moment before glancing at something on her desk. It looked like a framed pair of...dog-tags? “Two years since everything changed.”

A tidal wave of jealousy rolled over him. "Who's Feron?" He tried to ask casually, but the edge in his voice was unmistakable. It was stupid feeling considering he and Liara were no longer together. As far as he could tell, she was completely uninterested in him. 

It’d been two years for her. Things weren’t the same. They weren’t together anymore. She wasn’t coming back to the Normandy. He’d tried telling himself this over and over. The year was 2185 and the world stopped making sense years ago. 

"A friend who helped me get your body. He actually betrayed me and Hannah, but in the end he saved us. For two years I thought he was dead, and now I find out he's alive. It's all a bit overwhelming." Liara walked back to her desk and started rifling through her drawers. 

His brain was working overtime to completely process what she’d just said. “Get my body? What the fuck are you talking about, Liara?”

“Your mom didn’t tell you?” 

“My mom tells me jackshit,” he growled. He was about three seconds from walking out of her office and never returning. 

She must’ve sensed his growing anger because she responded quickly. “The Shadow Broker wanted your body so he could sell you to the Collectors. Feron, Hannah, and I stopped him. Cerberus, Miranda to be more specific, said they could bring you back. I believed them, or wanted to, so I handed you over.” 

“So you’re the one responsible?” Colt couldn’t look at her, he could barely speak. Biotic energy was starting to build around him without his permission. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He had no desire to liquefy Liara on accident. 

“Shepard...Colt. What was I supposed to do?” 

“I don’t know!” He yelled. “Give me to the Alliance maybe? So they could fucking bury me and be over with it.”

“I couldn’t do that.” She was barely audible. 

“Cerberus has an agenda and they repurposed me to fit it! These biotics? I don’t know how to handle them! It’s like handing a toddler a gun. My goddamn face glowed when I first woke up, so did my eyes,” he said while shaking his head. He got out of his chair and walked over to the nearest window. The year was 2185 and he should’ve been dead. He started more quietly, “I can tell myself all the lies I want. I can tell myself that I still have my memories, so I’m still me. But...” He tensed his jaw and leaned against the windowsill. His breath fogged up the window and dimmed Ilium to a faraway land. He brought up his hand to clear the picture, but couldn’t quite bring himself to wipe away the condensation. “I should be grateful to Miranda. I know I should. But everytime I look at her… I think I hate her.” 

She walked past him and stopped only a few feet away. “I’m so sorry.” She started walking to the door, but Colt caught her wrist before she could leave. He held it lightly enough so she could pull her arm away, but she stayed still. He turned her slowly to face him. “I’ve been after the Shadow Broker for years. And now I can save Feron and kill the Broker? I can’t let this opportunity slide through my fingers.” 

“The Shadow Broker is no joke. I’ve heard stories and I’ve crossed path with their agents more than a few times,” he said, “Cerberus may have had an agenda, but they know what traits win fights. Let me help you.” 

She pulled out of his grip and turned back around. She brought her hands up to cup her head tiredly before asking, “Don’t you hate me?” 

“I couldn’t hate you even if I tried.” 

Liara let her hands fall to her side. She gazed out the window for a long moment before finally saying, "I need to go to my apartment and think about this."

"How about I meet you there?" He suggested. Now was the perfect time to really figure out the nature of their relationship. He’d loosed the crew upon Ilium, so there would be nobody breathing down their neck. It could just be the two of them. And if things went poorly between them, he’d be able to retreat in private. 

She paused before nodding. "Okay, meet me there in half an hour." 

…

"What the hell happened here?" Colt demanded. Police tape and several officers were blocking off the apartment he was supposed to be in. He tried to duck under the tape but was stopped by a turian C-Sec officer. “I’m a Spectre, let me in!” He flashed his credentials and was waved in. 

"Looks like someone tried to kill Doctor T'Soni,” an asari on his right said. He hadn’t noticed her approaching. “She was saved by kinetic barriers around the glass. It was a clever, but paranoid move. Very clever." 

"What?!” He demanded. “Where is she? Is she hurt?" Shepard started to look around the apartment frantically. Where was emergency services? Had they already left? What hospital would they have taken her?

"There's no blood or body. It looks like your friend got away,” she said. He sighed out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Holy shit. Thank God. “I'm Tela Vasir, by the way. Council Special Tactics and Reconnaissance.”

Colt never heard of her, which was odd. At the very least, he thought he knew all the Spectres. "A Spectre?"

"Yes,” she said, “You're our most famous member. I might even get you to sign my chest plate later. Congrats on being reinstated by the way, and the miraculous return to the living." 

Something was off. He knew every Spectre. So who the hell was she? "Thank you. If you’ll excuse me, I need to make a quick call,” he said. 

“Of course.” 

He walked out of the apartment and dialed up an old friend once he was sure Tela couldn’t hear. 

“Colt? Is there something wrong?” 

“Amara, hi. It was good seeing you the other day. I have a quick question. Have you heard of a Spectre named Tela Vasir?”

“Ya, she’s pretty new. Likes to work alone, I think.” 

“Listen, some shit is going down with Liara and she’s shown up. Thoughts?” He said. 

“I’d exercise caution,” Amara said, “A brand new Spectre concerning herself with the resurrected Commander Shepard and his girlfriend? It seems weird. She may be angling for more press coverage or fame.”

“Any weaknesses? Shady connections?” 

“You tell me, Spectre killer.” 

“Alright, alright,” he said, “I better get going, but I’ll call you later, okay?” 

“Okay. See you later.” 

Colt shut down his omni-tool and walked back to the apartment. Tela Vasir met him close to the front door and asked, “Everything okay?” 

“Ya, it’s all good…So, what are the facts so far?” 

“About twenty five minutes ago, someone took a shot at your friend. The kinetic barriers stopped all the bullets. It looks like she hung around for almost four minutes before leaving,” she said, “Whatever she was doing must’ve been important. Did she mention having any enemies?” 

“You’re kidding, right? She has all the enemies the galaxy has to offer.” 

“That narrows it down.” 

Colt laughed before saying, “Welcome to the wonderful world of Commander Shepard and crew, where half the galaxy wants to kill you and the other half won’t believe it.” 

“What a shitty life.” 

“Tell me about it,” he said, “Has C-Sec found anything? Anything that could lead to her location?” 

“Just the bullet holes so far, but they’ll let us know if they find anything,” she answered, “But honestly? I think we have a better shot at figuring out her location ourselves. You know her better than probably anyone.”

"She expected me, maybe she left something,” Shepard said, “Let's spread out and look for something, anything.” He didn't wait for an answer before going over to the bullet holes. 

“Hello, Commander,” a C-Sec officer greeted, “The rifle used to shoot wasn’t standard issue. The kinetic barriers slowed the bullets tremendously, but they still penetrated the glass.” 

“Thank you,” he said while walking away. Whoever did this was a professional. Maybe not a good one since they didn’t clock the kinetic barriers, but the gun they used was no joke. They had to be taking their orders from the Shadow Broker. 

He walked over to a case displaying a Prothean artifact. It must have been thousands of years old and very expensive. He felt around the case for anything that could lead to her location, but there was nothing. When he looked up, a familiar sight caught his eye.

He moved slowly to another case containing his old N7 armor chest piece. It was shredded and barely clinging together. For a moment, it felt like the world glitched. He was standing in his new armor, looking at the armor he’d died in. Actually died in. There was no near death experience, no fun story to tell. One moment he was choking above Alchera and the next he was gone. Try as he might, there was no clever antidote, no lesson learned. He’d fought for the galaxy and died for nothing. 

What had his body looked like when it hit Alchera? What did Miranda have to work with? 

“Looks like someone didn’t like you too much, either,” Vasir said behind him. 

“No,” he croaked out. He walked over to a painting, hoping to avoid making eye contact with Vasir. 

“That’s not the asari homeworld,” she said, “Actually, I don’t know what planet that is.” 

“It’s Ilos,” he said. It felt like he’d been on Ilos’s surface just a few months ago. In reality, it’d been years. 

He moved into the next room and started shuffling through her desk. Her desk was littered with datapads and hand written notes. There was nothing here that could help. If she left something, it would be obvious. Colt stood back up and caught sight of her diploma. 

“Doctorate from Serrice University back on Thessia,” Vasir said next to him, “Smart cookie.”

“You have no idea,” he said while walking for the stairs. 

The second story was much smaller than the first and had barely any decoration, although, the gigantic fishtank above her bed was a nice touch. 

Colt scanned the room and almost immediately gravitated towards her night stand. It had a gorgeous picture of the Normandy SR-1. He went to pick it up for a closer look, but as soon as he touched it, the picture changed. The new picture was of a Prothean ruin. Was it a dig site she’d been to? 

"Check every Prothean artifact, I just got a message from Liara," Shepard called out to Vasir.

He headed back downstairs and made a beeline for the first Prothean artifact he saw. As soon as he touched the case, a hidden drawer slid open to reveal a datapad. Liara must’ve left it for him considering that everything was written in English. He read it quickly for a location. 

“Do you know where Baria Frontiers is?” He asked, “In the Dracon Trade Center?” 

“Yes. My hovercar is outside,” Vasir answered, “Let’s go.”

…

“Baria Frontiers is on the third floor,” Vasir said. 

"Okay,” Colt said with a nod, “So we go in, and find Liar-,"

Before he knew what was happening, he was flying backwards while heat lapped at his face. He landed hard enough to knock the wind out of him. He sat up, trying to both regain the ability to breathe and sort out what happened. He took in a gulp of air and quickly rejoined the world. Piercing screams were his welcome back. 

Shepard staggered to his feet and surveyed the carnage. People, all civilians by the looks of it, laid in pools of their own blood and screeched. Not for help or a higher power. They just screamed and screamed. Only a bomb could cause this kind of havoc, and a big one at that. He was lucky to be wearing armor or the explosion would’ve done a lot more damage. 

He sent a message to C-Sec notifying them of the attack before wandering towards the building. Why were they here again?

Wait...Liara was inside the building that had just exploded. 

“I’ll go to the roof and work my way down,” Vair said, “We can meet in the middle.” Colt was already flying up the stairs into the bombed building, but grunted in the affirmative. 

There were no thoughts, just shoot, kill, and run. He made his way through the building in impressive time. Killing mercs had never been easier. 

Finally he reached the last possible place Liara’s contact could be. He breached the door and bolted into the room. His gun was raised and his biotics pooled around him. Once he saw Vasir, he quickly lowered his weapon. 

“Pity. If we’d just been a little faster, then we could’ve saved him,” Vasir said. She holstered her pistol around the same time Colt noticed a line of blood coming towards him. She must’ve just shot the merc who killed Liara’s contact. 

“This is Seket?” He asked. He kneeled in front of the salarian and started searching his body. 

“I think so.” 

“No sign of that data Liara mentioned,” he said, standing up, “Dead end, I guess.” 

"Speaking of which, did you find your asari friend's body?" She said. 

Dead? No, no. That was a mistake. Where was she? His heart lurched before sinking into his stomach. Bile rose in his throat the more he considered the possibility that she was gone. He gagged before stumbling into a wall. 

"You mean this body?" Liara growled, causing him to jump. She seemed to materialize out of the shadows. Her gun was raised and her teeth were bared. Shepard's heart lunged back up from his stomach and burrowed in his throat. A sigh of relief rushed out of his lungs and made him sag forward a little. He pushed off the wall and approached Liara. 

"Liara!” He called, “It's okay, she's a Spectre." 

"She tried to kill me," Liara said. Colt stopped dead in his tracks and turned slowly to the Spectre. Nobody hurt, or tried to hurt, Liara. 

“It’s been a long day for you, Doctor. You were almost killed a couple of times,” Vasir answered. She was backing up slowly, steadily. “So I’ll let your accusation slide. You can put that gun down now.” 

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” She hissed. “I doubled back after I left my apartment. I watched you break in.” 

“And you needed me to find Liara’s message,” he said while unholstering his shotgun. 

“I appreciate the help,” Vasir said, grinning. Colt could tear her to pieces right now. A few shotgun blasts, a couple punches, and overwhelming barrage of sloppy, yet powerful biotics would finish her off quickly. But what was Liara’s angle? Did she need Vasir for information purposes? He didn’t want to do anything without first knowing the game plan. 

“Once Shepard figured out my location, you contacted the Shadow Broker’s forces. Then they bombed out this building to kill me,” Liara said. She inched forward towards the slowly retreating Spectre. “She got in, probably killed Seket, and got the data disk he was holding for me. You probably still have it right now.” 

“Huh, I guess your education wasn’t wasted on this crazy douche and his failed crusade,” Vasir said, nodding in Colt’s direction. A wave of blue exploded from the Spectre, shattering the large glass window behind her. “Now fucking die you pureblood bitch!” 

Colt charge forward, ready to break Vasir with his bare hands. "Take it back, you bitch!" He yelled. A moment later, he realized he should’ve waited to asses the situation. Vasir turned her arm lightning fast and sent the shattered glass flying at him. He was able to produce his own biotic shield, but was slow to the draw and much less powerful than he needed. Some of the larger shards were stopped completely, but most were only slowed. He felt a thousand knives open him up. He screamed in pain, but was only propelled forward faster by sheer rage. Liara yelled for him to stop, but he kept going. Cerberus hadn’t skimped on his speed. He reached Vasir before she could make another move and tackled her. The force of the tackle sent both of them flinging out the window. They free fell before activating their biotics simultaneously. They floated down in twisting hurricane of blue. Their powers surged against each other, searching for any weakness. Colt focused on pumping more energy in until her biotics finally gave way. She shot out from under him and crashed to the ground with bone breaking force. He followed more slowly before his biotics gave way. The glass had done its job. He fell about ten feet before collapsing into a pile. He felt the wetness of his own blood start to collect under his head. 

To Vasir’s credit, she stood back up despite her injuries. She started limping towards the exit while cradling an arm. 

Colt somehow found his feet and started after her. He almost fell back down when Liara landed lightly next to him. “You scared me!” 

“Colt...goddess,” she said while looking him up and down. “You need to stop. You’ve been injured.”

“Ya, well, Cerberus didn’t genetically engineer no quitter,” he said. He could already feel strength returning back to his limbs. 

“Goddess,” she said again. He looked down and realized that green numbers were flittering across his skin. Little shards of glass were being pushed out of his body and onto the floor. 

“Just a little improvement the Illusive Man made,” he said, turning away from her. He didn’t need her looking at him like he was a monster. He watched the numbers fade slowly. Once they were completely gone, he straightened his back out and started to give chase. Vasir had a few minutes on them, but she was still injured while Colt had never felt better. 

Liara followed at a slower pace. 

…

Colt slid across the debris-filled ground into cover. Where was she? A moment later he watched a sky car pull out only a feet from him. She sped away before he could latch onto the car. Fuck! “Liara!” He yelled through the comms. 

“Here!” She said breathlessly while sliding next to him. 

“Let’s go. She’s already in a hovercar.” He stood and tried to open the door of the nearest sky car. Much to his annoyance, it was locked. Nothing was ever fucking easy, was it? He grabbed the handle and ripped the door of its hinges with mild strain. Once the door was off, he tossed it to the side, got in, and reached over to open the passenger door. “Come on.” 

Liara got into her seat at a frustratingly slow pace. She turned to look at him with wide eyes. “What-” 

“-Ah hah!” He said after finding the keys in the side compartment. He shoved the key in and accelerated as soon as he heard the engine fire.

Luckily, Vasir’s own shuttle was still in sight. Air screamed past the open window as he pushed the sky car even harder. No way in hell was she getting away. 

“Hang a right, no a left!” Liara said while jabbing her finger towards their disappearing enemy. 

"I can see her.” He pressed his foot down and banked a hard left. As soon as they cleared the corner, he saw her drive into a high rise still under construction. Ballsy, but not impossible. 

“Oh Goddess, we’re not going into the construction site, are-?”

They plunged forward into the half finished building. Pylons and scaffolding dotted the area, threatening to obliterate their car. Colt maintained their speed while construction materials rushed at them with dizzying speed. The debris was easy to spot and even easier to avoid. He zig-zagged between the obstacles with relative ease. A sense of calm descended the moment he sat foot in the sky car, and it did not go away despite the frantic nature of his maneuvers. 

A moment later, they emerged from the building and were practically on top of Vasir. She must’ve gone through much slower. 

Colt swerved to ram her, but she shot out from under them. It looked like her car had some sort of booster attached. “Do we have one of those?” 

“Yes!” Liara said. She reached over to the console and pressed a rather unimpressive black button. He was pushed back into his seat as they rocketed forward. 

“Fuck yes!” He screamed. 

“Go, go, go!” 

“I’m going, God dammit!” He said. Vasir took another sharp turn, causing him to veer after her. 

“Oncoming traffic!” Liara yelled. She was just a master of the goddamn obvious. 

“We’ll be fine!” He replied, “Probably!” He took the car above the regular stream of traffic and watched Vasir do the same a moment later. Neither were stupid enough to risk a head-on collision. She turned once more into a cluster of high rises. 

“Booster, Liara!”

She pressed the button and they were pushed backwards once more. They exploded forward and came close enough to ram her once more. 

“Proximity mine!” Liara shouted. Colt pulled up in time to miss it by a few feet. 

“She’s dropping proximity mines!” 

"I noticed!” He said. They made another hard right past a few more mines. An explosion just behind them made the sky car shake violently. He checked his rearview mirror to find another hovercar on their ass. Where was the damn cavalry? 

“She brought back-up!” 

“What kind of weapons does this thing have?” 

Liara laughed for a fleeting second before answering, “This is a taxi, Shepard. It has a fare meter!” 

“Fuck me!” He slammed his foot on the accelerator and shot forward into a traffic tunnel. Hopefully that would lose them. They sped around another corner only to be greeted by an oncoming truck. 

“Truck.” Liara said, her voice straining. 

“I know.” 

“Truck!” 

Colt swerved around the truck with only a little decrease in his speed. Some mixture of skill and luck allowed them to get out alive. Liara let out this noise that was halfway between a scream and a sigh. It was kinda worrisome. 

“There we go,” he said with a laugh. 

“You’re enjoying this?” He could feel her gaze upon him. 

“What’s not to love?” He said, realizing he spoke to soon. Vasir swerved into oncoming traffic once more. 

“Truck!” She yelled. 

“What the hell? Again?” This time he was able to dodge the truck with relative ease before turning another corner. It was a good thing he didn’t get car sick. “Booster please!” 

He saw Liara reach out of the corner of his eye before getting pushed into his seat. He pulled up beside Vasir and turned his wheel to ram her. The two sky cars bounced off each other, so he went in for another hit. He was vaguely aware of alarms blaring. 

He rammed the hovercar hard enough that Liara practically flew into his lap, but the job was done. Vasir spun into another hovercar which took a good portion out of her car’s front. Smoke immediately burst from the engine and she started to nose dive. Colt followed close behind in case she survived the crash. 

Her hovercar plunged through two levels of a building before coming to stop on a patio. There wasn’t enough room for another hovercar, so he parked a level below. Shepard hopped out and unslung his shotgun. Liara jumped out of her side and slapped a thermal clip into her pistol. 

A skycar drove over their heads and started to descend about fifty yards away. “More reinforcements,” Liara said. The Shadow Broker had tenacity, there was no denying that. 

…

“I’ll go back to the Citadel and get a nice, clean job. I swear.” 

“Me too! Just please don’t kill us.” 

Colt took off his helmet and holstered his shotgun. He approached the two asari slowly and scanned for any injuries. “My name is Commander Shepard. Are either of you hurt?” 

“C-Commander Shepard? I thought you were dead?” 

“I was...it’s a...it’s a long story. Are you hurt?” Colt repeated. He crouched down in front of the two and set his helmet beside him. Hopefully the Broker’s agents hadn’t gotten this far into...whatever this place was. 

“N-no. And we didn’t see anything either!” 

“We swear!” 

“It’s okay,” he soothed, “I’m not gonna hurt you. I just wanna make sure you’re alright.” He brought a hand up to rest on one of the asari’s shoulders. She didn’t flinch away, but her eyes grew wider. He noticed a line of blood cascading down the other one’s hand and forming a little puddle. “Here,” he said while handing her a packet of omni-gel, “Put this on any injuries. I’m gonna call emergency services and they’ll be able to check you out. But stay here. I don’t want either of you to get caught in the crossfire. Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

He nodded at the pair before picking up his helmet and standing up. He tapped out a quick message to emergency services on his omni-tool and then turned towards Liara. She was standing by the door but seemed to be watching him closely. 

Colt brought up his helmet but quickly let it fall to his hip when he noticed the massive vid-screen on one of the walls. There were a couple asari-dancers in various stages of undressi dancing around the very room he was in. 

“What kinda place is this?” He asked Liara. He looked at the two asari huddled in the corner and realized that their outfits didn’t leave a lot to the imagination. 

“It’s a hotel called Azure. It has an...exotic edge,” she replied, “‘Azure’ is slang for an asari body part in some parts of Illium.”

Colt couldn’t resist turning to Liara with the best shit eating grin that he could muster. Azure wasn’t just slang on some parts of Illium. His experiences as a young Alliance officer told him as much. “Where?” He asked. 

“Mainly the lower reaches, near the bottom.” 

“I meant where on the asari?” 

Liara shot him a smug look. “So did I.” 

Colt’s eyebrows shot up and he let out a bark of laughter before shaking his head. “Good night,” he said with another chuckle. 

…

Shepard bent down next to the body of another asari dancer. He checked for a pulse and sighed when there was none. He listened as Liara walked up behind him. “Who the fuck does this?” He asked, “What sorta Spectre does this?” No one had the right to cut down civilians. But a Spectre doing it? It made his stomach turn. Did her vows mean nothing to her? 

“Come on,” she said. He felt her hand grip his shoulder. “If we let her get away, she’ll do much more damage.” 

“Ya.” He stood and walked back to the closest blood stain. He began following it once more. “She’s lost a lot of blood. That glass must’ve shredded her,” he said, “She’s tough, that much I’ll give her.” 

“She’s a Spectre.” 

He marched through a doorway into a courtyard. She couldn’t have gotten far. He looked through the crowd, hoping to spot her. 

“There,” Liara said. She pointed to a stumbling figure about half way across the courtyard. 

“Stop Vasir!” He roared, “It’s over!” He started jogging to the asari with his weapon raised. 

Vasir stopped for a fleeting moment before erupting into an impressive ball of biotics. She turned before releasing a charge that allowed her to grab a nearby human. “What’s your name?” The Spectre asked. She pressed her pistol to the human’s head. 

“M-Maria.” 

“Well, Maria, you want to live don’t you?” Vasir said, “Tell these nice people that you want to live.”

“Please!” The human cried. 

“We’ll get you out of here safely,” Colt said, “Don’t worry, Maria.”

“That’s a nice sentiment, Commander. But a false one. All you had to do was walk the fuck away,” she said, pressing the pistol harder into Maria’s head. “You turned this ugly, Shepard. You killed this woman.” 

“I have a son,” Maria sobbed. 

“A son?” Vasir said, “I hope you see him again. I hear that losing a parent really fucks a person for life.” 

“I am going to end you, Vasir,” Liara said coldly. 

“It’s okay Liara,” he said, “We’ll handle this, like we always do.”

“Do you want Maria’s boy to live without a mommy, Shepard? Or did you forget what it’s like to lose a parent? Thermal clips on the ground, now. And power cells.” 

Colt turned his attention back to the other Spectre. She was dying, and she was organic. Her reaction times would be incredibly slow. 

He snapped his arm forward and shot a singularity at the pair. Even with his limited training he could tell it was shitty. But the singularity was powerful and most importantly, he shot it off like a speeding bullet. It enveloped both Maria and Vasir, and made them spin around lazily in his biotics. 

He walked over, feeding more and more energy in. Vasir was a talented biotic and could possibly break his hold. The more energy he pumped in, the less likely that scenario became. 

Colt came to stand in front of his singularity, watching the two float around aimlessly. Vasir’s eyes were blazing and she said, “Every report said that you’re biotic now. They also said that your abilities were subpar.” 

“Well, to be fair, it was a bit sloppy.” 

“What the fuck did Cerberus do to you, Shepard? You were supposed to be the best of us, and now you’re some Cerberus cyborg? The Illusive Man’s fucked up biotic experiment!”

“I’m certainly better than you! You sold out the council so you could help the goddamn Shadow Broker?” He yelled, “Does your oath mean nothing to you?” 

“You think I betrayed the council? Like Saren? Go to hell! The Broker has given me damn good intel over the years. He helped me become a Spectre, and he’s helped me save lives and keep the Citadel safe!” She said. “So if the Broker needs a few people to disappear, that’s a price I’ll pay without hesitation.” 

Colt shook his head. How the fuck did he keep running into people and beings with such horrifically twisted logic? How did she know that the people the Broker wanted dead were actually criminals and not just his political opponents? And where the fuck did a fair trial go? Spectre’s could kill without immunity, but a trial was always preferable to death. Killing was the always last resort. “Spectres don’t blow up buildings filled with innocent people!” He said.

“Yes, we do. And you know it,” she hissed, “The Council may frown upon some of our proceedings but they never look too closely. We get our hands dirty so they don’t have to. We do whatever it takes.” 

“The ends never justify the means. Ever. The fucking sanctity of life means something!” He screamed, “Those were fucking people you bombed out and shot along your way! Young men and women with their whole lives ahead of them! And you cut them down without a second thought, you sick fuck!” 

“Don’t you dare judge me,” she growled, “You’re with Cerberus. Do you have any idea what they’ve done?

Colt released his biotics and watched Vasir thud to the ground. A pool of blood immediately started to form under her. Liara came up from behind him and wordlessly took the data disk from Vasir’s side pocket. She walked away while tapping at her omni-tool. Hopefully she was getting the Shadow Broker’s location sent to the Normandy. 

He approached the wounded Spectre and crouched just in front of her face. He stared at her for a long minute before speaking in a low tone, “Of course I do. And they’re coming down next.” 

Her eyebrows rose momentarily before a sick grin crossed her face. “Next? Why not now? What happened to the ends never justify the means?” She asked. “How about you cut your self-righteous bullshit and take a long look in the mirror before you judge me for anything.” 

He looked down at his blood-stained boots before glancing up again. She wasn’t exactly wrong. “Come on,” he said quietly, “I’ll patch you up and get you to a hospital. Can you stand or-” 

Her head snapped back while her blood exploded onto his face. The crack of a gun left his ears ringing. “What the fu-?” He stood up and turned to find Liara lowering her pistol. 

“Liara-wha?” 

“She did not deserve a hospital trip and definitely didn’t deserve to live. Plus, she could have warned the Shadow Broker that we’re hot on his trail. That kind of warning would kill us.” 

“Okay,” he said slowly. His ears were still ringing. “Is Maria alright?”

“She’s fine, but I gave the hospital a call. She left plenty of bodies and people needing help in her wake,” the asari said, “Believe me when I say she wasn’t worth it.” 

“It’s not about being worth it. What I said had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me,” he said, “It’s about setting your morals and living by them. Morals aren’t a goddamn hobby that change as you see fit.” 

“And you did follow your morals. And so did I. I have no qualms about killing her.” 

“Well you should!” He said. “She was unarmed and injured. That’s not a fair fight.” 

“She decided on an unfair fight when she bombed out three stories of innocent people,” Liara said. 

He brought his hands up to rub his eyes. This wasn’t the hill he was willing to die on. “Fine. Okay? Whatever,” he said, throwing his hands up in the air, “She deserved it, blah fucking blah. Let’s just get the fuck on with this shitty mission okay? Fuuck.”

“Colt…” she said softly. She reached out for him, but he pulled back. "I just sent the Shadow Broker’s coordinates to the Normandy. We have a minute to talk. We'll be jumping a few light years.” 

“What do you wanna talk about, huh? About how you’ve changed? About how I’ve changed? About how I died and you had to listen?” He demanded. “What is there to say? I promised I’d help you save Feron, and I will, but…”

“-You’re here to help, just like always,” she interrupted. She paused to look out the window before turning back. “Do you remember the day we met? On Therum? You saved me from those geth and then took on a krogan battlemaster while I cowered-” 

“-Cowered?” He asked. “I think you’re remembering wrong. I remember that you kicked plenty of ass, and you’d been in that bubble for almost an entire day. You didn’t cower by any means.” He said more quietly, “I always found that so impressive. Hell, if’d been suspended in Prothean bullshit for almost an entire day, I think I’d let my rescuers do all the work.” 

“You still saved me from that prison and those Geth, and did most of the work against the krogan battlemaster. And now here we are, and you’re helping me again.” 

“Well, what are friends for?” He asked. 

She looked him the eyes for a moment before looking down. She promptly turned on her heel and marched away. He strode after her and almost caught up to her before she started speaking. “The Shadow Broker’s agents are shooting their way through Illium right now. If we can board the Normandy quickly, they won’t notice we’ve left.” 

“There you go again!” He said. 

“What?” 

“Just when I thought we could have a real conversation and figure out what we are, you turn off again. A second ago you said you wanted to talk and then you close right off. It’s like I’m speaking to a fuckin’ robot. ” 

She turned back around and glared at him. “I have to stay rational, like I did with Seket! If we’re going to defeat the Shadow Broker, we have to have a level mind.” 

Colt nodded slowly. So, that’s what this was about. “I’m sorry about Seket. But his death is on Vasir, not you. Trust me on this.” 

“I put him in harm’s way to get the data. I got him killed,” she said, “But you know what?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I’d do it again.” 

He took a step backwards and looked her up and down. Causing the death of someone else was its own shitty thing, but not regretting it was somehow much worse. 

She eyed him coldly before turning and walking once more. “Things should be much more simpler from now on. We get in, we kill the Shadow Broker, rescue Feron, and then we get out. My contacts shouldn’t be involved in any way. No one else should be in harm’s way.” 

“What’s with this Feron guy?”

“Hannah and I owe him our lives,” she answered, “He distracted the Shadow Broker’s people so we could escape. He was captured because of us and I owe him...And I suppose you do too. Without his intervention, you’d still be dead.”

“I see.”

“We just need to grab him and go.” 

“That’s it?” He asked. 

“That’s it. And the sooner we get to the Normandy, the sooner we can save him.” 

“I thought you wanted to talk?”

“Shepard, listen, I’m...glad you’re here.” 

He snorted before saying, “What? You need any terminals to be hacked?” 

“That’s not fair and you know it!” 

“You wanted to talk, so talk!” He said. 

She put a hand to her forehead. “You were dead, Colt. For two years. And then you show up again and you can rip car doors off their hinges without so much as breaking a sweat? Not to mention the fact that you can heal almost instantly. It’s just a lot to take in.” 

For him, no time had passed. One moment he was gone and the very next, Miranda was trying to get him to calm down. He hadn’t moved on. It felt like he’d been on the SR-1 only a few short months ago instead of almost two and a half years. He could’ve picked up right where he left off, but no one seemed willing to allow him. “I know that better than anyone.” 

“Two years of mourning doesn’t just suddenly vanish.” 

“Why does everyone keep blaming me for something I had no control over?” He asked. “I didn’t choose to get killed by the Collectors, nor did I choose to be brought back by Cerberus. Stop blaming me for a crime I didn’t commit.”

"Shepard, I-”

Colt shoved his helmet on, sealing it. "Come on. Let's just go."


	35. LotSB-Part 2

"Liara, stop giving the enemy tactical advice!" 

Somehow, he wanted to both laugh and cry at the asari’s carelessness. They were on the fucking Shadow Broker’s ship, which was hurtling through an incredibly powerful storm, and Liara was supplying the enemy with sound ideas on how to defeat them. Surreal didn’t even come close to covering it. 

"Who taught them tactics? I mean they can’t even concentrate all their defenses,” she said, “They don’t even have the basics down." 

"Liara!” He roared. He caught another vanguard in his biotics and lifted her upwards. As soon as she flew out of the ship’s shield, a lightning strike vaporized her. He turned to face the rest of the battle field and realized that the enemy was starting to group together. Before Liara had so graciously supplied them with ideas, they were coming out of the ship three or four strong, making them relatively easy to pick off. Now they were coming in groups of ten. 

“And are you sure that fucking shunt is working?” He yelled. “We don’t seem to be getting anywhere! It’s been like ten minutes now! That door should be open!" A bullet screamed past his helmet and hit the wall behind him. That was way, way too close for his comfort.

“Door crackers aren’t exactly legal, even on Illium. It’s not like it came with a warranty.” 

“Well, sure, but at least you tested it beforehand...Right?” 

“There’s more coming!” She said. 

No fucking way. They were gonna die on this shithole ship, on this shithole planet, in this shithole solar system. At least Alchera had the decency to be scenic. “Tell me you tested it!” He cried. 

“No time to talk.” 

Shepard stood and unceremoniously tossed a group of soldiers upwards. The force of his attack scattered them above the shield. Some were vaporized almost immediately and some flew down the ship a ways before lightning struck them. He looked back down just in time to watch Liara pull a similar move. Good. Despite the enemy’s improved tactics, their numbers were starting to wane. 

Colt crouched back down, put in a new thermal clip, and glanced at the door. The shunt was still trying to open the damn thing. “Remember when we could just slap omni-gel on everything and call it a day?”

“That security upgrade made a lot of people mad.”

“Myself included.” He peeked around a corner and blasted an approaching vanguard with his shotgun. Three more took her place. “We can’t keep this up for much longer!” 

"It’s almost done," Liara shouted over the intercom. Bullets were now getting dangerously close to finding their mark. His biotic shield was taking a beating, and his ability to recharge it quickly had yet to be honed. 

"It better hurry!" A bullet grazed the armor on his side. It hadn’t hit flesh, but it was only a matter of time. Soon, he’d have to make a run for better cover. 

Liara slid next to him and caught the approaching vanguards in a singularity. “It’s done, let’s go!” She yanked him towards the door and shot a nearby enemy in the head. Colt ran after the asari, who still had a vice grip on his left forearm. She practically dragged him inside before letting go. 

Their heavy breathing was the only sound in the small airlock for a few minutes. "We killed so many out there, there can’t be very many inside," she said, interrupting the silence.

He couldn’t help but laugh."I’m sorry, but I thought you’d been on a few combat missions. Am I mistaken, T’Soni?" 

"Optimism, Shepard.”

"I’ve been fighting far too long to be optimistic. Now, let’s go." With that, Colt stood and raised his weapon. The longer they waited around, the more likely Feron would be killed. 

He punched the door’s controls with the side of his fist and rushed out. He could feel Liara right behind him. About ten of the Shadow Broker’s soldiers scattered as they emerged into the new room. 

“More?” Liara said, “How many troops does the Shadow Broker have?” 

“Told you so.”   
…

"Feron?" 

“Liara? And Commander Shepard?”

The asari ran past Shepard and started to type at what was probably the controls to Feron’s prison.   
She hadn’t been this excited to see Colt. 

“We're going to get you out," she declared. The drell was in the center of a medium sized room, slightly reclined in a plain black chair and surrounded by holographic panels. If Colt had to say, he’d guess that was life support. Orange restraints located on his hands and feet kept him in place. The rest of the room contained what looked like recording devices and more medical equipment. How many times had Feron been tortured to the brink of death before being brought back? And Shepard thought he had it bad with his resurrection. 

“Why are you here?" Feron asked. He strained against the cuffs holding him down. His eyes were locked intently on Liara. It was a little fucked up to be jealous of a person who was in such obvious pain. 

“I just found out you were still alive.” She looked up from the panel before speaking, “I would’ve come sooner had I known.” 

He nodded his head slowly before turning to look at Colt. “I have to say, Commander Shepard, it’s a bit of a shock to see you alive. And with your head attached.” 

“Let’s start a list of things we’re never allowed to say to each other and put that as number one.”

The drell grinned before a look of pure terror crossed his face. “Wait-no!” 

Electricity surged through him, causing his body to arch away from the seat. He let out a blood curdling scream that sent shivers up Colt’s spine. The electricity stopped just as soon as it started, but the damage was done. Smoke rose from the drell’s body and his tongue rolled out of his mouth. Colt wasn’t sure he was still alive until he blinked. 

Liara stepped back from the panel, her eyes wide. “...Feron?”

“It’s a security protocol, Liara,” Feron panted out, “The equipment is sensitive to tampering. The Shadow Broker knows what he’s doing.” 

“He?” Colt asked. 

“Yes. I haven’t seen much of him, but I’ve heard his voice a few times. And he’s big too.” 

“A krogan?” Shepard said. 

“Maybe.”

Colt looked at Liara before turning to Feron once more. “How do we get you out?”

“This chair is hooked up to the Broker’s information network. You’ll have to shut off the power,” he said, “If you try to free me now, my brain will cook.” 

“Jesus.” 

“Where can we cut the power?” Liara asked. 

“It won’t be easy. You’ll have to go to central operations.” 

“Don’t worry about it being easy or not. We’ll get you out of there,” Colt said, “That’s a promise. Now, what can you tell me about the mercs?” 

“He’s raised his own private army. They’re completely loyal. And I’m not exaggerating when I call them an army.”

“We don’t have time for questions,” Liara said. She was right, they had to end this. 

“Where’s central operations?” Shepard said. 

“It’s just down the hall,” Feron said, “You know that the Shadow Broker’s waiting for you, right?” 

Colt smirked. “I’m counting on it.”

“We’ll be back for you,” Liara said. 

Feron let his head roll back into the seat before saying, “I’ll try not to go anywhere.” 

Colt laughed while pulling out his shotgun. He was so damn ready to kill. “Let’s go, Liara.” He stalked to the end of the hallway and took a deep breath. He glanced at the asari, who gave him a small nod. He pressed the door’s controls and stepped through carefully, gun raised. 

A creature, twice or even three times the size of a krogan, sat behind a desk. The dim lighting made it difficult to see any other defining features. If he had to guess, he’d say the Broker was a yahg. Not that it really mattered. Colt was gonna kill him no matter what. 

“Here for the drell?” He said, his voice impossibly low, “That’s reckless, even for you, Commander.” 

“Death made me bold.” 

“It should’ve done the opposite. You should’ve stayed away.” 

“And you should’ve stayed away from the Spectres,” Colt said, “You got Vasir killed.” 

“The asari was expendable. All she cost me was time,” he said, “And I believe it was Dr. T’Soni who actually killed Vasir. Speaking of which,” he turned to Liara, “You caused all of this because of your interference. Feron betrayed me when he gave you Shepard’s body. He’s simply paying the price.” 

“Did you think you could work with the Collectors and get away with it?” Colt growled, “You had to know I’d come after you.” 

“I was hoping you’d stay dead. And the partnership was mutually beneficial. In fact, I’m glad you’ve come here. The Collectors’ offer for your body still stands.” 

Colt was not to be bought and sold. He wasn’t fucking property. Neither was his dead body. Fuck the Shadow Broker and fuck the Collectors. “How the fuck are you supposed to run this ship without a crew?” Shepard spat. “I just cut through them like they were nothing. I’ll do the same to you.” 

“You operate under the assumption that people are irreplaceable. I labor under no such delusion. They can be replaced, easy, “ he answered, “Now, enough talk. My operations won’t be compromised by a traitor and the misguided efforts to save him.” 

“You’re quite confident for someone who has nowhere left to hide,” Liara said. 

Once again, the Broker turned to the asari. "You travel with interesting companions, Doctor. I didn’t think they made former gang members Spectres. And I certainly didn’t think the Alliance accepted drug addicts. The Commander continues to be the exception to the rule, I see. Perhaps bringing his body to the Collectors will benefit the galaxy in more ways than one.” 

“You’re not laying a hand on him.” 

Colt turned his attention to Liara. He’d never been forthcoming about much of his past and she’d just smoothed over it without any hesitation. Maybe he’d been wrong about her. Maybe she did still care. 

“I don't know what you hope to achieve, Doctor T'Soni. I know every secret, while you fumble in the dark.” 

"Is that right? You’re a yahg, a pre-flight species quarantined to your homeworld because you massacred the Council’s first contact teams. This is base is older than your planet’s discovery, which probably means that you killed the previous Shadow Broker sixty years ago, then took control. You were taken from your homeworld because someone wanted you as a trophy... Or as a pet. How am I doing?"

The Yahg said nothing when he stood up. He was probably ten feet tall and thousands of pounds. Holy shit. Pissing him off may not have been the greatest idea. Colt backed up a little bit. Liara did the same. Silence stretched between the three before the Broker slammed his fist into the desk. It crumpled easily beneath his gigantic paw, splitting in half. He picked half of the desk up and hurled it towards them. 

Shepard leaped over the twisted metal and plastic, and landed just in time to see it smash into Liara. She flew backwards like a ragdoll before landing in a tangle of limbs. 

He backed up slowly, eyes and gun still trained on the Broker. He knelt next to her and laid a hand gently on her arm. "You okay?" Colt whispered. There didn’t seem to be any outward damage. Her barrier was up, which probably absorbed most of the impact. Still, that had to hurt like hell. 

"Ya, hard landing," Liara replied while starting to stand. He nodded before standing quickly. They couldn’t afford to be down too long. He grabbed her outstretched hand and pulled her up. 

The Yahg was crouching down, recharging or something. A barrier crackled around him and he stood once more. Liara raised her gun and fired a few shots. The bullets seemed to ricochet off his newly found shields. Colt threw a couple warps to confirm his theory. He wasn’t surprised when they bounced off the Broker harmlessly. 

"The shield’s kinetically sensitive!" Liara said, “Energy and projectiles are just bouncing off.” 

"Then we'll do this old school." Shepard shoved his gun onto his back, and cracked his knuckles. 

"Shepard..." 

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." Colt had no idea what he was doing. But thinking too hard was dangerous in any situation. At least, that's what he liked to think.

He charged the giant creature and punched his shield, hard. Biotics crackled from the shield and coursed through Colt's body. His cybernetics must’ve dampened the effects because all he felt was a slight twinge. The Broker tripped backwards, exposing the full length of his body. Colt moved in quickly and landed a fist on the yahg’s jaw. He felt it snap under his hit. 

The Broker stumbled away and tried to bring the shield out in front of his body, but Colt was faster. He kicked the yahg half heartedly in the leg before bringing his full strength down on the arm holding his shield. His elbow exploded out of his skin and sent a smatter of blood across the ground. The Broker screamed in pain and let the shield drop to the floor. His other arm swiped across Colt’s shoulder, which sent the Commander sliding backwards on the balls of his feet. He felt blood starting to trickle down his shoulder. 

The Broker looked him up and down before letting out a triumphant roar. He actually thought he’d won. 

“You stupid fuck,” Colt said. Green numbers started to flit over his slightly glowing skin. He turned his head to watch his shoulder heal itself. In a matter of seconds, the two sides of his cut came back together and reformed into a scarless patch of skin. He turned back to the Broker and couldn’t help but grin at his wide eyes. 

The Shadow Broker wouldn’t be getting another hit in. 

Colt charged the Yahg again and landed a fist on his chest while dodging his flailing arms. The chest piece shattered and sent the Broker backwards into a concrete wall. Shepard’s hand wasn't even scratched. Colt moved in again and connected once more with his chest. The already shattered armor caved in, causing blood to leak between its cracks. Shepard leaned his left hand against the wall and used his right leg to kick the shit out of the Broker’s upper body. He stopped after a while to observe the damage. The yahg’s face was unrecognizable but he was still alive. Tendrils of blood and saliva flew out from his mouth and a strange clattering noise rose from his chest. 

The Broker’s shields flicked on pitifully, so Colt started in again. He drove his fists down with as much force as he could. This time his blows were primarily to the face. His fists sunk deeper and deeper into the yahg's head. Blood and bits flew up and sprayed across Colt’s visor. He only stopped when he felt the metal ground. 

He jumped up from the body, peeled his helmet off, and prowled around the scene. The scent of blood was so thick, Colt could taste iron in his throat. "Are you okay?" Liara touched his shoulder, making him jump at the contact.

"Me? You should ask him." Shepard looked down at his own fists, and aside from the remnants of the Shadow Broker’s brain and skull, everything was fine. He turned to find Liara staring at him with wide eyes and a slightly agape mouth. 

“You just...just-” 

“It was him or us, and he wasn’t going down without a fight,” he said, “It’s not like I wanted to do this.” 

“I understand that, it’s just, you made it look so-” 

“Easy?” He guessed. 

“Yes.”

Footsteps behind them made Colt whip around. He could go a few more rounds. “Feron?” He asked while lowering his biotically charged fists. “How’d you get out?” 

“There was a power outage. Looks like the Broker fell into a breaker during this...fight. You do this?” The drell nodded to the pulp formerly known as the Shadow Broker. 

“We did,” Colt confirmed. 

“Shadow Broker, this is Operative Murat,” an unfamiliar crackled out, “We had a momentary connection failure. Can you confirm status?” Shepard almost laughed when he looked at the yahg’s body. 

He turned towards the voice, which came from a huge monitor filled with what looked like separate cells of information. It must’ve been the central hub that the Shadow Broker used to communicate with all of his agents. 

“Operative Shora requesting update. Are we still online?” 

Another agent reported in, and then another, and then another. He focused on Liara, who looked as overwhelmed as he felt. Were they just supposed to leave and let his information network fizzle out? She bowed her head for a second before looking up once more. Her jaw was set and her eyes blazed. She walked stiffly to the monitor and started tapping at some controls. 

“This is the Shadow Broker,” she started. The voice scrambler deepened her tone. “The situation is under control. We experienced a power fluctuation while upgrading hardware. It disrupted communications momentarily. However, we are now back online. Resume standard procedures. I want a status report within the next solar day. Shadow Broker out.” 

He looked at Feron, who shrugged his shoulders. Did Liara just become the Shadow Broker? 

“Goddess of Oceans, did you just...Are you...how?” Feron stammered. 

“Everyone that’s ever seen him in person is dead, so-” 

“So you’re the new Shadow Broker?” Colt said. She nodded. 

“Are you sure about this?” He asked. “It may not be a great idea.” 

“It was that or lose the network. A network we so desperately need.” 

“Ya, you’re right,” he said. 

“Now, I can give you…” She tried. “I can…”

Feron looked between them before saying, “I’ll, uh, check the power systems.” He limped away and out the door. 

Colt watched him leave before approaching Liara. Tears were flowing silently from her eyes, but as he got closer, she started to sob. “Hey,” he said gently while placing a hand on her shoulder. "Liara, what's wrong?" He turned her around to face him. 

“It’s over...it’s finally...for two years.”

He reached out for her hands and took them gently in his own. She was trembling. “It’s done,” he said, “You did it. You can be free of this whole thing.” 

She extracted her hands from his and looked up at him with swollen eyes. What was going through her head? Her arms wrapped around his waist and she planted a quick kiss on his lips. It felt like a friendly peck, if such a thing existed. “We did it,” she whispered. 

No, they hadn’t. Colt may have killed the Shadow Broker, but Liara had done all the intellectual heavy lifting. This was a shallow partnership. There was no ‘us’ or ‘we.’ They both had very good reasons to want the Broker dead, and they’d accomplished just that. Anything beyond that simple objective was a nuisance. The past was the past. 

“Like you said. It’s been two years. We’re both different people,” he started, “I have my mission and you have yours. Let’s just leave it at that. I should probably go. You have a lot to figure out.” He pulled away from her arms and started for the exit. 

“Colt, wait.” 

He stopped walking but refused to turn around. “You saw for yourself, Liara. Cerberus changed me. I should’ve died when Vasir sent that glass towards me. The Shadow Broker should’ve crushed me. I know you don’t mean too, but you keep giving me this...look. Like you’re disgusted. You’re never going to forgive me. Let’s just cut our losses and move on. We can’t keep disappointing each other.” 

Her boots thundered against the floor as she maneuvered herself in front of him. “That look?” She shouted, “It’s amazement. I saw you dead, Colt!...I saw the damage. And I don’t forgive you because there’s nothing to forgive. I know you too well. I know that you died to save Joker, and I know you’d do it again. You’re just that type of person. It’s why you saved the Citadel, and why you’ll defeat the Reapers. If there’s anyone that is in need of forgiveness, it’s me.” 

“Why?” 

“I gave you to Cerberus. I had a choice,” she said, “But I couldn’t let you go.”

“Except, you didn’t have a choice. You know that I can stop the Reapers. What were you supposed to do? Let the galaxy be destroyed?” He said, “And you know what else? If Cerberus came to me and said they could bring my brother or my dad back from the dead, I’d say yes. I’d even ask them what took so long. I do not blame you. Not one bit.” 

“But earlier-” 

“I said you should’ve buried me and been done with it. I said you were responsible. But you know what? I also once said that you should pour milk before the cereal, so maybe you should take what I say with a grain of salt.” 

“Salt? What?” 

“I’m saying that I talk out of my ass when I’m upset,” he admitted, “I didn’t mean it.”

“So, where does that leave us?” 

“In the same place. What happened, happened. We’re not going to change that. I wish I hadn’t died. But I did. And we’re different now because of it. Whatever happened between us, happened between different people,” he said, “Feron seems like a nice guy, maybe you should-”

“But I don’t love, Feron,” she interrupted. “I love you.” She threw her arms around his neck and brought his head down into a fiery kiss. When they both came back up for air, she started speaking in a low tone. “I think you’re the same exact person that you were. Who else would’ve helped me with this foolish plan?” 

“So now I’m an idiot?” 

She laughed before rolling her eyes. “You’re twisting my words.” 

They both fell silent as he stared into her bloodshot eyes, looking for a lie. But the look she was giving him was identical to the one he’d seen before Illos and their Thessia vacation. He nodded slowly. “...Okay.” 

“Okay,” she said, “Let’s stop running from each other.” 

“I never left.” 

“Yes, you did,” she said, “But you came back.” She bit her lip before smiling. “Don’t do it again.” 

“I’ll try my best.” He planted a kiss on her forehead before thinking of one more thing. “You’re not bothered by the Cerberus upgrades?” 

“Why would I be? I’ll admit, it was a little shocking at first. When you strolled into my office with biotics, I was...surprised. And then I saw you rip that hovercar’s door off, and I wondered a bit. But when I watched you go after the yahg with just your fists, I realized that Cerberus may have given you an edge over the Reapers. And we need everything we can get,” she explained. “And besides, the important part, the you part, it’s still alive and well. That’s the only thing that matters to me.” 

“Well, good thing. There’s not a whole lot left that’s original. At least I got to keep my winning personality.” 

“What do humans say? Silver linings?” 

“Humans say a lot of things. Most of it stupid.” 

She chuckled before responding, “So I’ve seen.” They both smiled as a comfortable silence stretched between them. “We should, uh, probably get cleaned up,” she said while unraveling her arms from around his neck. They stepped away from each other and she pointed to a fragment attached to his bloody chestpiece. “I’m pretty sure that’s a piece of skull right there.” 

"Cleaning up sounds like a good idea. Do you think the bathroom’s this way?”

…

“I’m lucky there was a human sized shower and clothes. I guess the Shadow Broker kept them around for his human mercs?” 

Liara turned around from her monitor and looked him up and down. 

“Smallish mercs, I guess,” he said, looking down at his tight shirt. “Lucky you.”

“Lucky me,” she agreed. 

He laughed before moving to stand just in front of her. “So, what’s your plan?” 

"I think I'll remain here and figure all of this out. You need the Broker’s resources and you need someone who can navigate them," Liara explained. 

“You sure you want to stay? I could use you on the Normandy.” 

“I know, but I need to stay here. This is an opportunity that we can’t pass up. All I wanted to do was rescue Feron, but I want this too,” she said, “Is that wrong of me?” 

“No. This information network will be invaluable against the Reapers, and you’ve worked hard to get here. You’ve invested blood, sweat, and tears. There’s no shame in wanting to stay and learn.” 

“Good,” she sighed out. “I needed to hear that.” She looked at the screen and then back to him. “I’ve only just scratched the surface and I’m already overwhelmed. His network was far more extensive than I ever imagined. He had access to top level access to the turian hierarchy, the asari government, and more than one salarian dalatrass traded information intel. And I get to share it all with you.” 

“You’re not going to turn into a recluse with creepy information on everyone in the galaxy, are you?” 

“No...Maybe. I mean, I can certainly understand the temptation,” she said, “I’ve got all the galaxy’s secrets at my fingertips. Give me ten minutes and I could start a war.”

“Let’s not get too excited, damn. We already have a war to fight, let’s not make it two.” 

“Don’t worry. I’ve got a purpose that’ll keep me honest-helping you defeat the Reapers,” she said, “You know, relatively speaking.” 

“So fighting the Reapers is supposed to stop you from being creepy? I don’t buy it.”

“We’ll have to cross our fingers, I guess.” 

“Well, if it all becomes too much and you realize you haven’t spoken to another person in far too long, we could always crash this ship, preferably into a Reaper,” he said. 

“But I feel like I belong here. When I worked on my own, I was always hunting for leads,” she replied, “With all the Shadow Broker’s resources, it’s all about organizing and cataloging a tremendous amount of information. I’ve got everything, Colt. This is my dream job...Although, the location could be better.” 

“To each their own, I guess. I mean, my dream job is gluing wigs onto wax figures.” 

“I’m pretty sure each hair is individually placed into the hot wax and then sealed in when it cools.” 

He blinked once, twice. “The fact that you know that makes me mildly uncomfortable.”

“Your dream job makes me mildly uncomfortable.” 

“As long as we have an understanding,” he laughed. 

She shook her head with a grin, turning towards her monitor once more. Her expression turned serious as she watched data continuously sprawl across the screen. “It’s hard to believe, but the Shadow Broker knew about the Reapers,” she started, “Perhaps that’s why he offered to prove Saren’s guilt to the Council. There’s even some data on the Protheans. I think he knew what was coming and was trying to find a way to survive.” 

“And did he find a way to survive? Because I’d be pretty interested in that information.” 

“It’s hard to say. Like I said, I’ve only just scratched the surface. But the I think he thought there was more information out there. Perhaps the Protheans had other plans...Or the Shadow Broker was just grasping at anything that offered some hope.” 

“Him and me both,” Colt muttered. “Listen, this may have the potential to be big. Keep working at it and see if he really did uncover something we missed.” 

“I can do that.” 

Shepard tensed his jaw, suddenly remembering their original objective. “Where’d Feron go?” 

“He’s still checking on the power systems.” 

“It’s been like an hour,” Colt said. 

"I guess the systems were complicated.” 

“Liara? Do you, umm, think he’s alright? Physically and mentally?” 

The asari brought a hand up to cup her chin. Her eyes grew watery as she began to speak, “It’s hard to say. It was two years of intermittent torture. I plan to offer him work, but...that’s not enough. Goddess, the things he’s been through.” 

“So, umm, are you guys-?”

“-We’re just friends, if even that,” she interrupted, “I barely spent any time with him before he sacrificed himself so Hannah and I could get away. Plus, I think you made it clear that I’m, as humans say, taken.”

“Ya, I think he figured out that I’m not just here to punch things and collect data.” Colt moved closer and slid his arms around her waist. “You should come to the Normandy. I’ve seen your ship, now you have to see mine.” 

“That seems fair.” 

“Let’s go now,” he suggested. 

“Now? We just-” 

“Joker’s gonna kill me if he doesn’t get to see you. He’s been asking about you every time I see him,” he said, “Might as well go now and tick one thing off our To-Do list.” 

“So Joker’s gonna be disappointed?” She said. 

“I can think of at least one other person.” 

“Really? Well, I guess we better go now.” 

…

"How was the tour?" Shepard asked. He finished pouring wine into two glasses before fixing his cuffs once more. It was the best wine he owned, and arguably his best civilian styled suit. Although, he was rather partial to his dress uniforms. 

"Your ship is very beautiful, Shepard. It reminds me of the SR-1,” she said with a sad smile. She smoothed down the sleeves on her modest asari dress before continuing, “I also made a point to visit Joker, seeing as how he missed me so badly.” 

“Oh?” 

“He did seem happy to see me. He also asked me to record any parts of our, um, conversation where my eyes did, ‘That freaky black eternity thing.’” 

Colt walked up the three stairs that separated the bedroom from the bathroom and entryway. He raised an eyebrow before answering. “And did you expect him to say anything different?” 

“No.”

“Good. You know how he is. If he said anything else, I’d be suspicious we had the wrong Joker.” 

Liara laughed lightly before turning around and focusing in on something. He came to stand beside her and followed her gaze to his space hamster. “At least Morinth had a good taste in pets,” he said, “Almost makes up for the whole brain hemorrhaging thing.”

"If you get any more animals, the Normandy will become a traveling zoo." She looked pointedly at the fishtank and the varren toys spread out across his room. 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” 

“You always did have a soft spot for animals,” she said with a grin. “Speaking of which, where is Rosebud?” 

“Mordin has her today. She loves that man. I can’t confirm anything, but I’m pretty sure he feeds her at least three times a day.” 

“No wonder she loves him.” 

“Well, that and it’s damn near impossible not to love Mordin.” 

“So,” she said, “You’re getting along well with the crew?” 

“Absolutely. I know Cerberus specifically picked them to fit my personality and leadership style, but the love I have for all of them is genuine. It’s a privilege and an honor to know them.” 

“Well, if they’re anything like the SR-1’s crew, they feel the same way about you.” 

He slung his arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead before saying, “Something tells me you might be a little biased.” 

A soft smile ghosted her lips as she looked down at the small frame clutched in her hands. 

“What’s that?” He asked. 

She wordlessly handed it to him before stepping out of his light hold. She walked over to the fish tank, which silhouetted her against its light blue hue. 

He looked at frame and felt his heart jump to his throat. “I didn’t think I’d ever see these again.” 

“I wouldn’t let Cerberus have them. Or the Alliance, for that matter.” 

“So you just kept my tags around? Don’t you think my mom would’ve wanted them?” 

“Not as much as I wanted them,” she replied. He looked back up, but she was still turned away from him. 

“Liara…” He placed his dog tags on the nearby desk and came up slowly behind her. 

"I keep having this thought," she started, “When this ends, if it ever ends, what happens to us? We’ve only known each other during the war. Did we only find each other to be comforted under the unimaginable stress? What if find that we’re different people once this is over with?”

He stopped a few feet from her and watched the fish swim in lazy circles before answering, "I can say pretty honestly that I’m not at my best. The Reapers have this uncanny ability to bring the very worst out of people. So if can tolerate me now, I like to imagine that the best version of myself will reappear once everything is said and done. I think that’s probably true for yourself.” 

“What do we do when there’s no war to fight?”

"Well assuming everything goes as planned, we’ve got our whole lives to live with each other.” 

She turned from the fish tank to face him. Her arms were folded over her chest and one eyebrow was slightly raise. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. Marriage, old age, and lots of little blue children?" Colt gave his best shit eating grin. 

"You just say these things." Liara pushed him a little and then strode down the couple stairs. He followed at a slower pace. There was something still bothering her. “Goddess, you were dead, Colt.” 

He shrugged. “I got better.” 

Liara approached the seldom used desk by his bed and leaned heavily on it. "This time. But you’ll leave again. I know you. You have to be the hero every damn time. What happens when you find an enemy you cannot defeat?” 

“I-” 

She pushed herself off the desk and looked up through the skylight over his bed. “When your team is ready, you’ll jump through the Omega Four relay. On a suicide mission,” she said, “And what if you can’t beat the odds this time? What if it’s actually a suicide mission?” 

He looked down at his feet and tensed his jaw. It’s not like he wanted this. He never asked to be the Savior of the Citadel or the Hero of Elysium. And he certainly didn’t ask to be killed by the Collectors.

Hands slid over his shoulders and then back down to rest on his chest. “I know I’m being unfair,” she whispered. 

Colt glanced up at her and then back down. “We don’t have to try this again.”

“But I want to. I want us. But you have to promise me,” she said, “I mourned you for two years. I missed you more than I’ve ever missed anybody else. It almost killed me. If we're going to do this, you have to promise me that you're coming back. I can’t bear to lose you again." A network of tears flowed down her face. A sinking feeling made his stomach turn. 

"Oh Liara." Shepard reached for her hands but she pulled away.

"Promise me, Colt.” 

Shepard sighed "I can't promise you that. I can't promise you that I'll live through the suicide mission or that the Reapers won't kill me. I don’t wanna lie to you. But I will promise you that I'll try to make it back. I promise you that I'll fight like hell to be with you. I promise you that I'll try to make sure we get marriage, old age, and little blue children. I mean it. There’s no one more important to me than you." Shepard reached out and cupped Liara's cheek. "Plus, I think the odds are in our favor."

“How so?” 

He pulled her closer and started kissing her neck. “I have yet to stay dead.” 

“Hmmm,” she hummed in his ear, “You make a compelling argument.” 

…

How many people ever got this lucky? How many people prayed and prayed to see someone they lost, but to no avail? It was truly unbelievable and almost incomprehensible. She’d heard his dying breath and she’d recovered the tangled mess that remained. And now he was lightly snoring in bed with her. 

Blue cast his face into that of an older man. Every angle seemed to deepen and every wrinkle seemed to darken. Perhaps he’d have looked like that had he stayed alive for the past two years. Perhaps the weight of the Reapers would have blackened the skin under his eyes and made his frown lines more pronounced. But in lighting that wasn’t otherwise provided by a fish tank, he looked young. Softer, somehow. It was probably just her imagination. After all, she didn’t know the human ageing process all that well. 

No. He looked younger than when they first met. She closed her eyes and remembered him with perfect clarity. That voice. That grin. Goddess, he just oozed confidence. Or maybe it was arrogance. Whatever it was, it worked. 

He was twenty eight then. Now he was thirty, and looked twenty two. Was it this Shepard that saved Elysium at the cost of his brother? Was it this Shepard that completed N7 training? 

At least Cerberus kept the eyes. Or knew how to mimic the originals well enough to fool her. They were too old for a twenty eight year old and were downright ancient on a twenty two year old. It was how she knew he was really back. Only a certain soul could fill those eyes, and she saw him every time she looked. 

Despite his eyes, she’d still waited to join their consciousnesses. She hated herself for being uncertain. And she hated that he sensed her hesitancy. But he let her go at her own pace. He never pushed or asked. And when the moment came where she was both selfish and brave, his mind was ready to accept hers. 

When they finally touched consciousnesses, it was like returning home after a lone journey. Everything was right where she left it. All the pieces that made him who he was were still in full view. All the uncertainty that made her wait seemed to evaporate. How Cerberus had done it, she didn’t know. But they had truly brought Colt back in his original form. No teaking or memory lapses. He was the same person, and for that, she owed Cerberus a thousand times over. 

As far as she could tell, all his changes were purely physical. Some were more apparent than others, but she remained fascinated with everything. For example, his scars were gone. All but two. And his skin was so much softer. Probably because all of his original skin was the first thing to melt off when he entered Alchera’s atmosphere. She closed her eyes, but couldn’t get the picture of his lifeless corpse out of her head. 

“Hey.” 

She opened her eyes again and was met with a cool green gaze. “Hey,” she replied lamely. 

“Everything okay?” 

She couldn’t stop a large smile from spreading across her face. “For the first time in a long time, I think so.” She grazed his cheek with the tips of her fingers and traced along his hairline scar. After a moment, she dropped her hand and sighed. “Thank you, Colt. For everything.” She rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed. “I’ll see you soon,” she said. 

The bed creaked slightly as he moved around behind her. His hand cupped her left shoulder and he set his head on her other shoulder. “Don’t you want to stay?” 

She stood up, pulling out of his hold. Without turning around, she said, “If I stay another minute, I might never leave.” 

“Okay,” he said softly, “Just...come back soon, Liara.”


	36. My Name is Legion

"So the Collectors are Prothean?" Colt was having a hard time registering EDI's words.

"Yes; however, they no longer have free will. The Reapers, more specifically Harbinger, is controlling them. Whatever made them Prothean is long gone, Shepard," EDI explained. He looked around at his companions. Did they realize the implications? Did they understand how stomach turning this all was? Of course not. No one ever seemed as disturbed by the Reapers as he was. 

"Can we do anything for them?” 

“At this point, it seems unlikely. There is no evidence to suggest that indoctrination can be reversed. And the process that made the Protheans into Collectors was far more extensive than traditional indoctrination.”

He sighed heavily. Helplessness had to be the worst feeling in the world. “Well, if we can't do anything for them, and they're still trying to kill us, then nothing has really changed." Shepard glanced at Jack and Grunt, who were nodding at his words absentmindedly. “We came to get the Reaper IFF, and that’s what we’ll do. The mission remains the same.”

Colt looked up at the sleek, black features of the room. Black piping ran haphazardly along the ceiling and walls. Carrying what, he didn’t know or care to imagine. There were no windows, the steep dropoffs had no railings, and the doorways were slightly too small for him. This place was never built with organics in mind. 

They still hadn’t located the missing Cerberus agents. They found plenty of evidence that they once inhabited this Reaper, but were yet to find a body. Abandoned equipment dotted the ship, only half set-up. Personal logs were mostly erased. Only a couple survived, and only one lingered in his mind.

A Cerberus agent had called this Reaper a dreaming god. A force that warped reality simply because it existed. And that’s what the doomed Cerberus agents didn’t get until too late. They didn’t get that the nature of the Reapers was closer to organics than to synthetics. There was no on and off switch. People didn’t cease to exist when they slept, they simply lived in an altered state. The same went for Reapers. 

“Do you think they knew they were being indoctrinated?” 

Both Grunt and Jack eyed him curiously, but only Jack answered. “You fucked Saren to kingdom come. You tell us.” 

He nodded his head slowly. “Saren knew. But I don’t think he wanted it to stop. Not till the end, at least.” 

“Why?” Jack asked. 

“Because the Reapers understand organics. We all want a purpose and indoctrination satisfies that need.” 

For once, Jack actually looked surprised and mildly interested. “You’re fuckin’ with me.” 

“No. Indoctrination simply gives the subject the need to serve the Reapers. It’s the same way we need food and water. It’s a non-negotiable. The Reapers don’t change biology, they just add onto it.”

“But the subject still retains their mental faculties, at least in the early stages. They can use all their intelligence and resources to serve. The Reapers change very little about a person in the beginning. All they really do is implant a need and an idea. That way they aren’t limited to the Reaper’s instructions. In fact, the Reapers have a very loose hold of the subject. It’s brilliant when you think about it. A person can summon all their creativity and abilities in service to them without the limitations that total control demands.”

He paused for a moment. “The Reapers know us, whether we like it or not. Now, come on. We still have a mission to complete.” 

…

"Wait, was that Geth friendly?" Shepard asked Jack and Grunt. He could’ve sworn that a Geth just saved him, but maybe he was seeing things.

"Well, he did stop you from getting shot and then eaten. Maybe more like eaten and then shot. And it did call you ‘Shepard-Commander," Grunt said.

"Ya, Shepard,” Jack agreed, “Shit hit the fan. Luckily, that Geth just unfucked the situation for you. Do you ever get tired of someone else pulling your happy ass out of the fire?" There were normal answers and then there were Jack answers. He had never, not once, been disappointed with Jack answers. 

"What the hell are you laughing at?" The biotic eyed him disapprovingly.

"Everything you say is always so eloquently delivered,” Shepard answered, “You’re like poetry to my ears.” 

"Go to hell, Shepard," she said with a dismissive wave before marching away. Colt trailed behind her, still laughing. 

…

"Take the Geth and go. I'll keep em' off you." Colt stayed about ten feet behind Grunt and Jack, who were dragging the Geth between the two of them. His aim was deadly accurate, but for everyone Collector killed, ten more started chasing them. 

He started jogging backwards in an attempt to keep up with the rest of the team while simultaneously defending them. Unsurprisingly, he was much slower than he wanted and the Collectors started to gain. The Normandy was only thirty feet away. Close, but not close enough. 

He heard the thud of the Geth being tossed into a side door. It sounded like Jack was next. 

He pulled his last thermo-clip from his shotgun and readied his biotics. Blue pooled around him for a second before he started firing off attacks. A distant barrage of creative expletives indicated Jack made it aboard. Now Grunt was preparing to jump. Once he was safe, Colt could escape himself. 

Except energy was bleeding out of him at an alarming rate. His limbs grew heavier by the second. When he just relied solely on biotics, his enhanced endurance seemed to disappear. 

He turned to see Grunt hauling himself aboard. Now it was Colt’s turn. He bolted down the platform to his ship. "Why is it always heights?" He muttered. At the last possible second he jumped and flew into the air. He landed on the ship’s edge awkwardly, causing him to slip backwards. He threw his hands out to balance himself and tried desperately to throw his weight forward, but he was past the point of return. 

"Oh shit!" Shepard yelled as he started to fall. Then something caught the front of his chest plate, and violently yanked him into the ship. His head snapped forward from the sudden change in momentum, sending a flash of pain through his neck. Seconds later the doors closed behind him, and the Normandy took off. He rolled over and found Grunt leaning over him. 

"Thought you needed a hand. He, he," Grunt chuckled. Only a krogan could find humor in whiplash. 

"I did, thanks." Shepard stood up and stumbled into the nearby CIC. Most of the crew was standing there waiting for him. "Hey guys. We get the IFF and the Geth?" 

“Yes.” 

Shepard gave a thumbs up before collapsing. 

…

"Commander, it seems you’ve overused your biotics," Doctor Chakwas said calmly. He opened his eyes to find the doctor standing by his hip, datapad in hand. She didn't sound disappointed, just tired.

"I ran out of thermal clips.” 

"I know. And I want this to be a valuable lesson, Shepard.” 

“On what?” 

“Cerberus may have given you increased stamina, but you still have your limits,” she said, “Be careful.” 

“Ya, ya. How many times have you told me this?” 

She shot him an unamused look. “Not enough apparently.” She set down the datapad on a nearby bed, and crossed her arms. 

“What?”

“I’m serious. I don’t want you getting yourself killed. Again.” 

“I don’t plan on it.” 

She searched his face for a long moment before turning away, apparently satisfied. “Liara kept calling me every hour to check on you.” So that was the reason the good doctor was so tired. Did her eye just twitch?

"Sorry, I didn't even know she had access to my head cam.” 

"Ya, well, I hear she’s quite resourceful," Chakwas said with a wink."And you can leave when you want. Everything looks normal and I replenished your fluids. You’re good to go.” 

"Thanks, doc." He got out of bed, surprisingly strong and steady.

"And Shepard? For the love of God, please call Liara before she has an aneurysm." 

“Ya, ya. It’s on the list, as well as this Geth. Speaking of which, where is it, EDI?” 

“It’s actually located in my AI core, Commander.” 

Colt turned to the opposite end of the room and eyed the seldom used door. “Excellent, I’ll be in there if anyone needs me or if you have to retrieve my dead body.” This earned him another glare from Chakwas. 

He grinned at her before walking over to the door. He was about to open it when EDI interrupted, “Actually, Commander, both Operative Lawson and Operative Taylor would like to speak with you before re-activating the Geth.”

“Let me guess. They want me to hand it over to Cerberus because they think it’s dangerous and it’ll be interesting to research?”

“That is correct.” 

“It’s not a bad approach, but I’ve already made up my mind,” he said, “Please let both Operatives and the Illusive Man know.” 

“Yes, Shepard. I recommend waiting for a security team,” the AI said, “We do not yet understand its intentions.” 

“I think I have a pretty good grasp, actually,” he said, “And if this Geth can get the upper hand, I deserve to be killed.” Before EDI could stall any longer, he walked into the AI core. 

The Geth was laying in a sad heap on the far wall. It’d been unceremoniously shoved into a cubby-looking thing. He shook his head. So much for treating everyone with respect. He walked over to get a better look at the Geth’s physical features. 

Everything seemed to be relatively normal looking beside the hole in its chest and its...N7 armor? What the hell? Theoretically, it could’ve taken the shoulder pad from any N7 operator, but it looked pretty damn familiar. Maybe Liara would have ideas. 

He brought his omni-tool up and waited for a familiar face to pop-up. "Hey, Liara." Shepard smiled at her grainy picture. 

"Colt! Are you okay?" Liara's face got closer to the screen.

"Ya, I overused my biotics. You know how it goes. But we did manage to get the Reaper IFF and a Geth.”

“I saw. I think unusual is an understatement.” 

“And there’s more. He has what I think is my old shoulder pad. It’s definitely N7 and probably mine. What do you think?”

“That’s a new one on me. I can’t say I know much about Geth. Maybe it just happened to find N7 armor for repairs? It could be a total coincidence.” 

“I don’t think so,” he said, “It saved me while we were on that derelict Reaper. And it called me Shepard-Commander.” 

“I was watching,” she said, “It sounds to me like you have a fan.” 

“Maybe. I’m about to activate it, so I guess I’ll find out then.” 

“You’re already re-activating it? Didn’t you just wake up from over exerting yourself?” 

“No better time than the present.” 

“Just be careful,” she said. 

“I will.” 

She nodded before grinning. "I didn't know you were scared of heights.”

"Actually, I'm not scared of anything, I just don't particularly enjoy heights.” He paused before saying more quietly, “It didn't used to be like that. But, Alchera…” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I guess I better let you go. I’ll talk to you soon, ya?” 

“I’ll call you tonight.” 

“Okay. Bye.” He shut the video feed off and looked back up at the Geth. "Alright EDI, let’s reactivate this Geth." 

"Yes, Commander," EDI replied. A kinetic barrier came to life and surrounded the Geth in its cubby. The gentle hum of the barrier was weirdly comforting. “I have isolated our systems, erected additional firewalls, and am ready to resist any hacking attempt,” EDI said. 

“Excellent. Thank you, EDI.” 

The Geth’s body shuddered once, twice. The moving parts around its flashlight head twitched before the light turned back on. It stayed silent as it sat up. Colt let it survey the surroundings for a couple seconds before asking, “Can you understand me?” 

“Yes,” it answered before standing up fully. 

“Are you going to attack me?” 

“No.” 

Colt nodded. “Ya, I didn’t think so. Listen, you said my name aboard that Reaper. Have we met before? I’ve met other Geth, and mostly killed them, but I don’t remember meeting you.”

“We have heard of you. We are all Geth, but no, we have not met you. You are Shepard-Commander. Alliance Navy and Council Spectre. Human. Fought heretics. Killed by Collectors. Rediscovered on the Old Machine.” 

Colt started pacing on his side of the barrier and watched it mimic his slightly agitated movements. “The Old Machine? You mean the Reaper?” He asked. 

“Reaper, a superstitious title originating with the Protheans. We call those entities the Old Machines.” 

“It’s not like we could call them the Love Machines. Mostly because Garrus has that title, but also because we need people to take them seriously. Reaper is a hard name to ignore,” Colt said, “And what’s this about Heretics?” 

“Geth make our own future. The Heretics want the Old Machines to carve out a future for us. They are no longer a part of us,” it said, “We were studying the Old Machine’s hardware to protect our future.” 

“The Reapers are a threat to the Geth?” 

“Yes.” 

“But why would they attack other machines? I thought they were after organics?” 

“We are different from them,” it answered, “Outside their plans.”

“What are your plans then?” Colt asked. 

“We build our own future.” 

“That sounds a little menacing. Maybe it’s because the Reapers have made me jumpy. Care to explain to help ease my doubts?” 

“We oppose the Old Machines. We oppose the Heretics. Shepard-Commander opposes the Old Machine. Shepard-Commander opposes the heretics. The Geth’s future and your future are compatible.” 

“Hmm, you seem to know a lot about me.” 

“Extranet data sources. Unsecure broadcasts. All organic data sent out is received,” it said, “We watch you.”

“Wait, do you watch organics or me specifically?” 

“Both.” 

“Alrighty,” Colt said, “That’s a little creepy but I can deal with it. At the moment, I’m really more interested in the fact that you seem to want to join me.” 

“We do.” 

"Then, what am I supposed to call you?" Shepard asked.

“Geth.” 

“I mean you, specifically.”

“We are all Geth.” 

“Oh my God. Okay,” Colt said while rubbing his forehead, “I mean, what is the individual standing in front of me called?”

“There is no individual. We are all Geth. There are currently one thousand one hundred and eighty three programs activate in this platform.”

"My name is Legion, for we are many," EDI interrupted. 

"That seems appropriate, if you're okay with that," Shepard said. 

The pieces around its flashlight twitched before it spoke again. "Christian Bible. The Gospel of Mark. Chapter five, verse nine. We acknowledge this is an appropriate metaphor. We are Legion, platform of the Geth. We will integrate into Normandy. We look forward to the exchange of information.” 

"EDI, you can take the shield down?" Colt said. The barely visible barrier disappeared, along with its slight hum of energy. Colt stepped forward and touched the shoulder piece that once belonged to an N7 operative. "Why do you have a piece of N7 armor?"

“It belonged to you. When you disappeared, we were sent to find you. We began where you first encountered heretics.” 

“Eden Prime,” Shepard filled in. 

“After the Old Machine attack, it was heavily defended.” He pointed to the hole that had taken a third of his right side. “This is the result of a rifle.” 

“Was everyone after my dead body? There’s you, the Shadow Broker, Liara, and Cerberus,” Colt said, “I’m really not that exciting.”

“We went to Noveria, Virmire, Therum, Feros, Illos. The trail ended at Normandy’s wreckage. You were not there.” 

“Like I said,” Colt started, “I was a hot commodity. Someone got there before you.” 

“Organic transmissions claimed your death. We were only able to recover this debris from your hard suit.” 

“Why were you so interested in me? Lots of people have opposed the heretics and the Reapers. Why are you so focused on me?” 

“You were the most successful. You killed their god. You succeeded where others did not. Your code is superior.” 

“My code?” Colt said. “God, you’re gonna love Miranda. I think you’ll be pretty interested in what Cerberus did to me.” 

“We are looking forward to the data transfer.” 

“Still doesn’t explain why you used my armor,” Colt said. 

"There was a hole, so we fixed it.” 

"But why didn’t you fix it sooner or with something else?" Shepard crossed his arms and rocked back on his feet. 

"No data available.”


	37. Chapter 34: Calm Before the Storm

"Shepard-Commander, what should we do with the Geth heretics?" Legion twisted his neck around to peer down at Colt. 

"You haven't decided yet? They’re you’re goddamn people!" Shepard peeked around his cover and let out a barrage of bullets. Geth were starting to test the limits of the perimeter he and Mordin set to protect Legion. 

"We are conflicted. There is no consensus amongst our higher-level processes,” Legion said back with enviable calmness, “Five hundred seventy-," 

“Okay! I get it!” 

“You’ve fought the heretics and won,” Legion continued, “You have perspective that we lack.” 

Dammit. He didn’t want to make this decision. In fact, it shouldn’t have been his decision to make. Killing them aside, his expertise on Geth heretics was laughable when it came to Legion’s vast knowledge...But it was no use dwelling on who should or shouldn’t make the decision. Now was the time to decide and execute. 

After listening to Legion throughout the mission, he’d silently favored rewriting the heretics. The hypocrisy of such a decision did not allude Colt. In his last moments, Saren asked him if extinction was preferable to control and, without skipping a beat, Shepard answered that extinction was better. But he couldn't bring himself to kill all those Geth. They could be allies and they needed everyone they could get against the Reapers. 

"Rewrite them!"

"Understood. The virus will be sent to nearby star systems.”

Colt leaned out of his cover and downed a Trooper with a well-placed shot. “Is that supposed to mean something to me?” He asked. 

“This station will broadcast a powerful electromagnetic pulse using FTL channels. Yield in excess of 1.21 petawatts. Alert: this flux will be damaging for unshielded organic forms. Addendum: The interior of this station is not shielded. Download at five percent.” Legion was already heading for a nearby door before adding, “Shepard-Commander we need to get to the Normandy." 

“Shit.” Shepard motioned for Mordin to follow before he ran after Legion. 

"How long do we have?" Colt asked once the blast doors sealed behind the trio. 

"Three minutes," Legion replied.

"What? Everyone MOVE!" Shepard shoved his teammates forward and closely ran behind them. The next set of doors opened to reveal Geth Troopers and Geth Primes. Mordin faltered but Colt shoved him forward. “Keep going!” He roared before setting off a stasis that enveloped most of the room. There was no time to stop and fight. 

The three bolted past the suspended Geth and reached the airlock attached to the Normandy. “Legion, you first, then Mordin. I’ll follow. Now, go!” 

He concentrated on feeding his stasis and growing it to catch the few stragglers that initially evaded him. The slight humm of Legion accessing the door kept him up to date on his squad’s whereabouts. 

“Commander!” Mordin called out. 

Colt backed up until he could feel the airlock’s lip under his gravity boots. He turned his head to confirm his team was aboard the Normandy before releasing his stasis altogether. The closest Geth Prime touched down and started to sprint the gap between it and Shepard. Colt tripped backwards onto the Normandy and fell onto his back. He jumped up, fists raised, but the airlock shut just before the Prime reached him. 

“Joker! Get us the hell out of here!” 

“Already on it, Commander.” 

The Normandy surged underneath Colt and sent him crashing to the ground once more. He crawled to the row of seats where Mordin and Legion had already strapped themselves in. The Geth grabbed Shepard’s back plating and helped haul him into a seat. The deafening sound of the Normandy building up energy from the Mass Effect relay helped spur along Shepard’s clumsy attempt to strap himself in. He sighed in relief when he heard the last click of his restraints. A moment later, the Normandy soared light years away from the Heretic’s station. 

… 

Several Hours Later

“Shepard?” 

“Hmmm?” He hummed, totally engrossed with watching one of his VI’s clean his armor. 

“Tali just went to have a, umm, chat with Legion down in the AI core.” 

“Goddammit. Any shots fired?” 

“Not yet, Commander...But I’d hurry.”

“Alright, thanks Joker.” Colt jumped up from his desk and strode out of his cabin and onto the elevator. 

Why he hadn’t seen this coming was beyond him. Tali was always vehemently against Legion’s presence on the Normandy, and made sure to let Colt know at every opportunity. It was only a matter of time before something gave. Hopefully he’d make it to the AI core before someone got shot. 

“Hello, Shepard,” Chakwas greeted when he entered the Med-Bay. “I haven’t heard a gunshot yet.”

“Silver linings,” Colt replied, “If I’m not out in five minutes, assume I’m dead.” 

“For once, I don’t think you’re being overdramatic.” 

He shot her a grin before stepping into the poorly lit AI core. The door sealed behind him and his eyes quickly adjusted to the low light. 

“Shepard, I’m glad you’re here,” Tali said. Her gun was pressed firmly to Legion’s chest. “I caught Legion scanning my omni-tool. It was going to send data about the flotilla back to the Geth!”

“Creators performed weapons tests and were discussing plans to attack us,” Legion said, “We believed it necessary to warn our people.”

“Shepard-”

“Lower your gun, Tali,” Colt interrupted, “Then we can talk this out.”

“It was going to send classified information-” 

“I heard you the first time, Tali,” Colt said while crossing his arms. “Lower. Your. Gun.” She froze for a moment before lowering her gun slowly. “Good, now holster it and let’s have a talk.” She wordlessly obeyed him and took a step back from the Geth. Colt hated to be so firm with the young quarian, but there was no room for violence of any kind on his ship. “Thank you, Tali. Now let’s hear your side of the story.”

“It was going to send classified information on my omni-tool back to the Geth. We weakened the Geth by destroying that base, but they’re still a threat. I won’t let Legion endanger the Fleet.” 

“Okay. And now you, Legion.” 

“Creator Tali’Zorah acts out of loyalty to her people. She was willing to be exiled to protect them,” Legion replied, “We must also protect our people. Weapons tests and battle plans were seen as an imminent threat to our people.”

“You can’t let this sort of thing go on, Shepard,” Tali said, “I trusted you, and tolerated a Geth on our team, but this is too much!” Tolerated was a generous term. She’d have shot Legion much sooner if Colt hadn’t been there to rein in some of her impulses. 

“Okay,” Colt said, nodding slowly. “Well, it’s obvious to me that neither of you have even considered the other’s perspective. So, let’s do that now and see if we can’t sort this out. Tali,” he said, turning to her, “I was there, right beside you, on the Alarei. I saw the brutal tests your father was running on Geth. They were disgusting and barbaric, and you know it. Now flip your understanding. What if it was Geth running those kind of experiments on quarians? You’d do the same thing Legion was trying to do.” 

“Creator Tali’Zorah-” 

“-Now it’s your your turn, Legion,” Colt said, cutting him off, “What if the quarians received word that the Geth were about to launch an attack?” 

“We would start a war.” 

“A war that would decimate both races and leave you as easy targets for the Reapers. Is that what you want, Legion?” 

The pieces of metal making up Legion’s face seemed to clamp together more tightly. “We believed it was necessary to relay this information.”

Colt shook his head and leaned against the bulkhead. He scrubbed his face tiredly before turning to the pair again. “I know you’ve both fought a little in combat. Here and there. But you haven’t been in a true war. Maybe I’m being presumptuous, but I think it’s fair to say that. Once the Reapers come, you will understand what I’m saying. But whatever you think war is, it’s not. It will be the worst experience of your life, hands down. You will change and not for the better. So, take a good look at yourselves and each other, and decide if a disagreement is worth dying for. Think of all your friends, your people, and ask yourself if you can stand to watch their bellies being cut open for this stupid argument between your two races. Are you willing to watch someone burn to death for this? It may sound dramatic, but I assure you, I am not joking around. This has long term implications, and they will affect both of you. Never make the mistake in believing you are immune to conflict and suffering. It is always around the corner, and if you let it, it’ll slip right in without a second thought.” 

“Sooner or later. Someone will make the decision to either start or stop this war. I’m not saying there’s a right or a wrong decision to make, but each decision comes with its own unique set of consequences. Peace or your blood. Reconciliation or death. What will your decision be?”

Tali shifted her weight from leg to leg nervously. Legion only stared back at Shepard. Silence descended upon the three and Colt didn’t mind it one bit. It meant they were thinking about his words. 

“We will not transmit data regarding Creator plans,” Legion finally said.

“I understand your intentions, Legion,” Tali said, “I’m sorry I didn’t consider them before...How about I give you unclassified information to send?” 

“We would be grateful.” 

“Alright then,” Colt said, “Dinner’s at eighteen hundred. I hope to see both of you there. I’ll be in my cabin if either of you need me.” 

…

Three Days Later

"Alright everyone, load up," Colt ordered. He walked over to the shuttle’s side and pulled his right glove a little tighter. How the hell did it take nearly two hours for everyone to gear-up? He had to make sure all of his Cerberus made systems were running smoothly and syncing with his suit, and he was still faster than most of the ground troop. And to top it all off, it was taking an unbelievable amount of time for everyone to pile in. 

After everyone lumbered on board, Colt quickly stepped in. He sat down next to Garrus and tucked his helmet into his lap. The shuttle rumbled to life and shot out of the Normandy’s cargo bey. 

"We're pretty snug on this thing," Garrus commented. He knocked his shoulder against Colt’s and flared his mandibles. 

"Well, Garrus, I thought this would be an excellent team bonding exercise. I figured we could go around, share, hug. You know, the works," Shepard explained. "Who wants to go first in our sharing circle?"

"I'll go first." Everyone's heads turned to Jack's sitting place. "I fucking hate all of you and I somehow hate all of you more when we’re forced to sit this goddamn close. Makes me want to practice biotics." 

"I don't know. I think it's nice seeing everyone in one place,” Colt said without skipping a beat, “Now I can ask everyone about their lives without having to journey across the Normandy to everyone’s weird fuckin’ hiding places. And you guys can’t ignore me here. I’m about ready to lose it if I hear, 'Shepard, can it wait a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations,' one more damn time.” 

"I feel like I’m being attacked,” Garrus said. 

"Every time I’ve ever tried to talk to you, you’ve basically said the same thing,” Tali said, “So maybe the criticism is well deserved?” Could turians even blush? Because Garrus was sure as hell blushing. 

“Commander.” EDI’s voice came from his earpiece. 

"Hey EDI, what's up?" Everyone was looking at him, so she must’ve been talking to only him.

"Shepard, the Normandy is under attack." His heart sank into his stomach and time seemed to stand still. 

He moved slowly and deliberately to the cockpit. Maybe he’d misheard. Maybe he was imagining things. Maybe EDI hadn’t even called. "EDI, please repeat," he heard himself say. The shuttle was deathly silent. The others must’ve picked up on his tone. 

"The Normandy is under attack," the AI repeated. So, he hadn’t misheard. This was real. For a few selfish seconds, he thanked the heavens he wasn’t aboard the Normandy. 

Alchera was always in the back of his mind. And if he let it, he was back suffocating above the bleak planet. 

Thank God he wasn’t aboard the Normandy. 

"Understood, we're heading back now.” Shepard could feel everyone's eyes burning into his back. “Do you have any idea who's attacking?" He turned back around and faced his silent team. They glanced at each other and back at him. All the earlier laughter had completely left their features. 

"The Collectors.”

p>Who was aboard the SR-1 when she was attacked? Just Tali? He aimed his attention at the young quarian, and wondered if she felt the same jolt pass through her body. Did she feel the same tension?

Colt turned back around and clasped his pilot's shoulder, "We're going back to the Normandy." 

He took a deep breath and turned to address his friends once more. "The Normandy is under attack from the Collectors. We are heading back now. I will be the first one off and I’ll give the all clear when you can exit the shuttle.” He did a quick check of his rifle. 

“Won’t you need help clearing the ship?” Garrus asked. 

Twenty people had ultimately perished during the Collector attack. Twenty-one including himself. He wasn’t about to add more people to that list. 

“No.” 

…

There was nothing. There was no one. No engineers. No ensigns. No Kelly. No Chakwas. He’d been on a few missions aboard ghost ships and they never failed to ignite dread deep in his soul. And this was his own ship and crew. The ship and crew he was supposed to protect. 

He collected Joker and brought him to the conference room before giving the all clear. They’d barely said two words to each other while waiting for Miranda to show up. How could they? They’d very nearly lost the Normandy again. 

"Why are you the only one who’s still on board?" Miranda accused Joker. 

"Hey, I'm not the guilty one here. I got away because EDI kept telling me where to go and how to avoid the Collectors.”

"Miranda, enough. Joker, I believe you, and that's all that matters. Is anyone else still here?" Shepard was asking anyone who could answer.

"It seems like all of your pets are fine," EDI answered.

"Rosebud?" 

"She's fine. In fact, she's still sleeping in your room.” At least someone wasn't affected.

He nodded before speaking, “Okay...okay. It seems to me that the only course of action is to get our people back. Miranda?”

“I couldn’t agree more.” 

"Good. Joker set a course for the Omega Four relay. Time to hit ‘em where it hurts.”

…

One Hour Later

"Everyone, listen up,” he said to the crowded Mess Hall, “We're going to be at the Omega Four relay in twelve hours. It would be a good time to call those close to you. Tell them what's happening. And tell them this isn't a suicide mission.”

"Commander…” Samara spoke up, “This is a suicide mission, is it not?"

"Nope. Despite everything we’ve heard, this isn't suicidal. Every single one of you is coming back." Shepard looked in their eyes. "If you follow everything I tell you to do, then everyone will make it. We'll be fine, it's just another day for the legendary Normandy crew. Am I right?" 

Colt meant every word he said. And if the looks on the crew’s faces were anything to go by, they believed him as well. 

“Alright, everyone. Go on now. Go make your calls,” he continued, “And please do not hesitate to reach out. It’s never easy before a mission and I’m here to support you. Just say the word and I’ll be there.”

His crew nodded and started to disperse to their various hidey-holes. He watched a whole hoard of his crew step onto the elevator before Garrus interrupted his thoughts. “And what about you?” 

“What?” 

“Who are you going to call? Say your goodbyes to?” 

“They’re not goodbyes,” Shepard said. “They’re see you laters.” 

“Oh, come on. We’ve known each other for how long?” Garrus asked, “You can be honest.”

Colt smiled before saying, “I’ve been thinking about my mom lately. I just...If something were to happen, and I’m not saying it will, do I really want my last words to my mom to be cruel? I don’t wanna’ be in a fight with her forever.” 

The turian nodded but said nothing, so Shepard continued. “My mom doesn’t know me. And one conversation isn’t going to change that, but I’d like to start down that road.”

Garrus sighed and said, “I’m on the same page actually. My dad and my sister don’t understand what I do. What we do. But I’m still gonna’ call them.” 

“And Tali is right here, so all your people are nicely squared away.” 

Garrus swung his head to look at Colt with narrowed eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Whatever you want it to.” 

The two stayed quiet for a moment before Garrus said, “And what about Liara?” 

“I’ll call her as well. I actually wanted to visit her before the final push, but a call will have to do. Such is life, right?” 

“I suppose that’s true,” Garrus replied. They stayed silent for a minute. 

“I should go,” Colt finally said. “You know where I’m at if you need me.” 

The turian nodded before turning toward the forward battery. Colt watched him go before making his way to the elevator. 

“EDI,” he said while stepping on the elevator, “Please contact Admiral Shepard on the QEC.” 

“Right away, Shepard.” 

They hadn’t spoken in months. What was he supposed to say? What was she going to say? They’d never particularly got along, even when he was a child. At best, she was distant. At worst, Colt was the target of her frustration and stress. But people changed. Right?

The trek back to the conference room was as empty as his first trip hours earlier. No Kelly or Ensigns or intelligence officers. He walked into the lonely conference room and watched his mom’s figure flicker to life. 

"Hello?"

"Hey mom," Shepard said back.

"I’ll be honest,” she started, “I wasn’t expecting to get this call.”

“I wasn’t expecting to make it.” 

She raised her eyebrows but said nothing. Colt scrubbed at his face. This was a mistake. “We’re on our way to the Omega Four relay,” he said, “I guess I wanted to say goodbye. Just in case.”

Hannah gave him a warm smile. "Colt, I think you'll come out of this just fine.”

"You're probably right, but I didn't want to end things like they were.”

"I'm sorry for going to the Terminus,” she said, “I really am. If I could take it back...If I could go back and stop myself from leaving, I would. But I can’t. Every day I regret making that decision, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. If I could go back and tell the Alliance to shove it regarding that assignment, I would do it in an instant. I’m sorry things turned out like they did. But I can’t change what happened.”

"I know. And I know that you were just doing your duty, but...goddamn. Where would I be if you hadn’t left? I mean, living on the streets changed everything," he said, "I hope you understand that."

"I do. And I'm glad you called. Really. After your mission we need to go out for drinks. On me." 

Colt smiled at her suggestion. He was never one to turn down drinks, especially free ones. “Sounds like a plan.”

"Good luck, Colt. Though I get the feeling you won’t need it." She smiled before her image cut out. 

Their call somehow went better and worse than he expected. It surpassed his lowest expectations, but failed to meet his highest hopes. It was professional and cordial. It felt like saying goodbye to his boss rather than his mother. It was like they’d reverted back to their roles in the Alliance. She acted as the ranking officer, while he performed flawlessly as the underling. At least no one yelled. 

The door to the conference room opened, pulling Shepard back onto the Normandy. “Miranda?” She was the last person he was expecting.

“Shepard...Colt.” 

Now he was worried. It was very un-Miranda like to be so...casual.

“What can I do for you?”

"Listen, I've been thinking,” she started, “What if this really is our last day?"

"It’s not anyone’s last day. Besides the Collectors. We’ll make it through.” 

“Even so,” she said while stepping closer. “We should make it a day to remember.” 

“By playing an exceptional game of Poker?” He offered. “Or watching all twelve seasons of Fleet and Flotilla?” She raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “Putting Garrus’s talons in warm water so he pees himself in his sleep?” 

“I don’t think that works on turians.” 

“Okay, how about-?”

“-If you’re as stressed as I think you are, I think we could find a way to remedy that,” she interrupted, “Together.” She raised her eyebrows expectantly. 

"Oh..oh, my. Uhh, well, you see, Miranda, I'm actually involved with someone else. And she buys the right brand of bagels, so I really can’t let her go," Shepard said, swallowing hard. “So, I can’t.” 

"I thought you guys were taking a break?” 

“No. Not at all.” 

She stared him in the eyes for a moment before nodding and retreating back a few steps. “No hard feelings?" She asked. 

"No hard feelings.”

She turned for the door and said over her shoulder, “See you in a few hours, Shepard.” 

“See ya.” He watched her leave before saying, “EDI, please contact Liara.” 

“Right away.”

It would be late on the Shadow Broker’s ship. She’d probably be sleeping but this was important. "Hey Liara." Shepard smiled at the tired looking asari.

She yawned and blinked a few times before asking, "What time is it?" She also sounded tired.

"I'm going through the Omega Four relay soon,” he blurted out. 

"What? Now?" Her eyes widened. 

"They took my crew, Liara. Everyone but Joker. Those fucks. I was planning on a bit more prep but they’re running out of time.” 

“Goddess...I am so sorry. How did that happen?” 

“They waited until the ground crew was all away and then boarded and took everyone. EDI helped Joker navigate the Collectors, which is why he wasn’t taken,” he explained, “I can send you my head-cam footage.” 

“I probably already have it.” 

“Of course you do.”

"Are you scared?" 

"Absolutely,” he said, “What if I don’t get there in time? I already lost so many on the SR-1...I can’t do that again.”

“You’ll make it. It takes a few days before the Collectors, um, process people.” 

“I know, but they took my crew to lure me to their base. I wouldn’t put it past them to speed up the process just to get at me.” 

“It’ll be okay.” 

“I hope so,” he said. Shepard scratched the back of his neck nervously. “So I guess it’s goodbye?” 

“No,” she said simply, “It’s ‘I’ll see you soon.’”


End file.
